Very confused...

I feel like I am frozen: one minute I'm thinking yes, I'm ready to go ahead with the surgery and the next: I should try to lose weight on my own one more time because surgery is so drastic....

I fear the surgery (what if something goes wrong and I don't make it) - am I ready to leave (mostly) my daughter w/o me at this time? Even though there's a slim chance of this happening - it is still major surgery and a possiblity.

Then I think is the fear really once I drop the weight - I'm afraid I won't have anything to hide behind because if I am really truthful with myself, and I'm really trying to be because I think this is the real key to success, I hide behind the weight. What exactly am I hiding? I think the real me who I've buried so deep, I don't even know who she is anymore.

Is this the real reason I fail at diets? Even though the surgery helps, from reading the posts here, I know that we still have to watch what we eat, drink, etc if we really want to be successful. Will I be able to stop hiding and not sabatoge myself anymore even with this tool? Will I be set free and be successful?

I'm sorry for the really long post and if I'm sounding morbid but I feel that this is the only place I can be really honest. Has anyone else had these feelings? If so, how did you overcome them? Or how are you working through this?

I really don't want to fail yet again....

 

You sound a lot like me, except for worrying about the actual surgery.  The way I look at that is, I'm safer sitting in my apartment than I am getting in my car and going to the store, or work, or the park.  But I leave my apartment so that I can live my life.  Having the surgery will let me live my life.

I have the same fears about not making it after the surgery.  So I am going to start seeing a therapist who specializes in eating disorders.  I don't plan on stopping seeing this therapist for a long time to come.

Just my 2 cents for what it's worth.

Jane

I felt that way a year and a half ago so I tried for about a year on my own one last time. I started seeing a therapist who specializes I eating disorders, tried medifast and then saw a nutritionist and started running. I learned a lot about myself in the process and when it didn't stay off (only 30 pounds) I decided last summer to go ahead with the surgery. The difference was, I was ready this time without a doubt. The required 6 month diet program (insurance requirement) gave me more time to to prepare.

You have to do it i your own terms and when it's right for YOU. Don't rush your decision. I do think therapy is a MUST before and after. For most of us, it's not really about the food - it's emotional and we have to understand that and ourselves before this tool will ever work.



Good luck!!! I wish you the best in whatever decision you make!

I think what you are feeling is very normal and a good thing. It is major surgery and the decision needs to be made carefully. WLS is not a magic bullet you can sabotage no matter what you do. It does sound like you are in touch with yourself and feelings and issues with food that is half the battle.

I feel like i'm in the same situation.  I have flipped and flopped on the idea of surgery for so many years and now here I am still fat and unhealthy.  I finally bit the bullet and scheduled my surgery. April 30).  I also have a daughter and that is what I worry the most about.  I worry that I won't make it through surgery but I think the worry of dying out of the blue from my weight scares me more.  

If you look deep inside of yourself, you will find the answer.  The whole thing is scary no matter what you decide...good luck with your final decision :)

YES YES YES!!!! I HAVE FELT LIKE THIS ...but how I'm dealing...I've known for sure the self love, the "hiding " behind my weight...feeling Yuck anyways journaling talking w supportive people helps the writing n self examination during this journey has helped sooooo much. When I had my "aha moment" was after being pregnant I went back to unhealthy habits I.e. smoking, sofas n just not caring for myself to the best of my abilities. I see my up coming surgery like a secound chance to learn great habits cause we deserve it! Its my tome for reflection n moving forward :) God bless u on this journey u will be ok