4 months out - 57 pounds down - starting to believe
I have been on this journey for 4 months now, and up until now, the weight loss has been a surreal experience. It felt like it wasn't really happening to me, but someone else. In addition, maybe this is due to my past failures, but I have been thinking, no waiting, for the moment it all turns around and I start gaining again. I just didn't believe in myself, the process and what I logically know should work but in my heart I doubted.
As I watched my weight go down, this tiny bright spark inside has started burning just a little bit brighter, steadily gaining strength, jockeying for position inside my weighted soul. I don't know when it started happening, but all of a sudden, I am beginning to believe I can do this. I mean TRULY believe. My face and body is changing, and I don't know how, but so is my soul. I realize there will be bumps in the road, in fact, yesterday I did my numbers and weight for the 4th month and realized that I only lost 9 pounds this month, and my inches was minimal. It made me want to say "there you go, you are starting to fail again". But this morning I realized that no, I did not fail. I am doing everything I am suppossed to be doing, and I cannot continue to beat myself up on this, not now, not ever again. I am going down, and while I am not going down as others, this is MY journey, and my bumps in the road will be my bumps, and that little light is going to become a big light, and for the first time in my life, I WILL be successful in this - because I will believe in myself, the process and the fact that I am good enough to deserve this.
