Forget the kids...I'm the one getting schooled.

It really sucks.

I'm ....what am I....I don't even know how to start this post. I'm actually kind of scared to start this post. Scared of you, scared of me. Well...this is me taking a deep breath and doing it anyway.

I fell...I've fallen. I've had one clean day in a week. I'm done falling. I'm here to write it down and own it. I'm fricken scared to death but moving on. I have to . I have to do this. I've come too far and my life has changed in so many ways that this is worth it. The wilthdrawal and the crap I have to go thru now is part of this journey.

I know this. I know I'm not perfect. I know this road all to well...and I am NOT going there!

What am I schooled on? 1) Why did this happen-Excuses were my stress level r/t getting kids ready for school (they started this week), crap at work and house equipment breaking down. All at the same time. I was unprepared to deal with 3 stressors at the same time. 2) Actually that isn't true. I was MAD. WHY? ...that brings us to #3. 3) I was struggling to keep up with my new eye opening plan. I had just started journaling again and as I counted my Cals, Carbs and Prot...I was struggling to keep below 800 cal. I was MAD that my staples could not be fit in. I was MAD that I felt like I was eating nothing and the scale didn't move. I was MAD that now my eyes were open and to be successful I would have to suck it up and just do it.

So what did I do instead. I had a fricken temper tantrum and *** d myself up with food. There it is. It's out.

I'm done. I'm old schooling it as of right this very now. My tail is between my legs and I have my workout gear out for when I get home. My lunch is packed and I'm going to white knuckle it thru this day if I have to. I'm gonna get this done. I am going for goal. Whatever it takes.

Putting crap in my body made me sweat, made me tired and every time someone gave me a compliment on how good I looked ( because of course I was eating in "secret") I hung my head in shame and guilt, SO not worth it.

I love me enough to do this.

Here I go

Peace

~Deb

Stay strong!  I'm struggling right there with you -- trying to figure out why I hate going to the gym, why I make dumb choices sometimes, etc.

I've been released to go back to the gym, and I bought a massage package as a reward.  LOL -- I had to actually go to the gym to buy the massage package -- but did I work out.  Nope.  I just bought the massage package and left. What the heck is wrong with me?

C'mon girl, we will figure this out!  Sending good vibes your way!

Thanks for the vibes!! They are working!!! I'm tossing some back at you!!!

Ok, that made me laugh out loud. That is totally something I could see myself doing.

GO, Deb!!!! 

Thanks Nancy!! You are rockin'!!

Ok - so you are done. You have come so far. The self honesty is tough but we didn't get obese being honest with ourselves. Now it's kick a&$ time. Go, go go!
Nancy

Thanks Nancy!!

You're doing great!!

All we can do is learn from mistakes.  We all make them, we have all suffered because of them.  Looking your mistakes in the face and saying "I'm not going to do this to myself any more is the way to go.

You will get past this bump in the road.  Can't guarantee there won't be another one along the way, but you will get past that too because as Stewart Smalley says, You are good enough, you are smart enough, and doggone it, people like you!

 

I'm a big SNL fan! Thanks for the smile and support!

( I once quoted the "Colon Blow" sketch here!! LOL!)