My two-year surgiversary: a look back (long post)
Today marks two years since I had weight loss surgery. I’ve been reflecting a lot on the journey, what I’ve learned, and what I still need to do.
Overall, I’ve lost 90 lbs. I started at 238 lbs. with a BMI of 38.4 (I’m 5’6”). I was a self-pay because I had no comorbidities. It is ironic that we have to have a life-threatening disorder or illness before insurance will help us correct what is killing us. I wanted to have the surgery before I did irreversible damage to my body, not because of it.
Honestly, I don’t remember much about those first few months anymore. My weight loss was fairly slow and steady for the first 8 months or so. I highly recommend taking your measurements. I did that on the 12th of each month and found that I lost more inches when I lost fewer pounds. It makes no sense, but it was always the case.
My weight plateaued around 164 for the next four months. It was excruciating. I would come on the boards and whine about my stall and tried different things and nothing changed. During the first year, I was militant about my carb intake. The only carbs that passed my lips were incidental ones in my protein shakes or, on rare occasions, the breading from 4 or 5 Chick-fil-a nuggets when I was away from home and sick to death of eating the grilled ones.
While my original goal was 145, I finally decided that maybe my body had a different goal and began to go into maintenance at 164 after stalling for four months. I was tired of the disappointment and tired of eating the same things over and over and over. DISCLAIMER: What I am about to say is not the norm, so please don’t flame me. This is my story and it is true. I’m not advocating this, just reporting it. When I went into maintenance and began adding more calories and carbs into my diet, I began to lose weight again. Some will tell you that “starvation mode” is a myth, but for my body, it was very real. By eating more calories and eating carbs, my weight began to drop off steadily. By December of 2012, 15 months after surgery, my weight was down to 147 and a BMI of 23.7, which is where I am still today. I went from a 20 to a 6/8 and a XXL shirt to a M. I fluctuate between 147 and 149 when my remaining ovary goes into overdrive. If the scale ever reads 150, I go back to no carbs and protein shakes until I bring it back down. I’d rather take care of it as a small problem than a large one down the road.
My diet still consists of mostly protein. There just isn’t room for much else. I always eat my protein first. I do try to undereat my sleeve. That is important, if only for comfort’s sake. My stomach cannot tell when it is getting full--one bite I’m fine, the next one I am about to throw up because I am so uncomfortably full.
My sweet tooth has come back with a vengeance and I have to constantly be aware of what I’m putting in my mouth. I allow myself a York peppermint patty a day and that tends to keep it in check. If I eat too many carbs or sweets, it makes me very nauseated and uncomfortable, so I typically self-regulate well. I do still have a tendency to want to graze when bored or stressed. But I still have no hunger at all after 2 years. This can sometimes be an issue because I will actually forget to cook for the family and must must be reminded of the time because I don’t have those internal cues.
My hair came out by the bucketful. I was really scared it was gone forever. My hairdresser says new growth is coming back in and is about 6 inches long now (interspersed with the rest of my hair that managed to hold on to my scalp!). I don’t know if it will ever be as thick as it used to be, however.
I have issues with low ferritin. I had this blood iron issue prior to the surgery, but it was more manageable because I consumed greater quantities of food and therefore could keep up with my iron needs a little better. I had a round of IV iron injections last October and they helped tremendously. I felt so much better. My numbers are dropping again and I’ll probably have to have them every 12-18 months from now on.
My hormones went into a tailspin with my weight loss. Every other month, like clockwork, I’d develop a large ovarian cyst on my right side that would rupture (incredibly painful) and then bleed internally for 7-10 days. Obviously, this compounded the iron deficiency. I had a hysterectomy in January and kept the well-behaved ovary. However, that one is also developing cysts so who knows?
I’ve looked at myself in the mirror every day for two years and the change in my appearance happened gradually. People who haven’t seen me in awhile, however, usually don’t recognize me. I went to a family funeral recently and my aunts, uncles, and cousins either didn’t know who I was or thought I was my sister. My parents sometimes don’t recognize me when I’m in a group of people.
While it is nice that people recognize the difference, I find recently that I feel a lot of shame. This wasn’t always the case, but I have developed it in the past couple of months as the way I look now becomes my norm. I look at old photos and I feel shame— disgust that I ever looked like that, sorrow that I allowed it to happen, embarrassment for my husband that I looked that way, etc. It’s difficult to put into words and my feelings about it are complex but I’m trying to work through them. I’m at a point where I wish people wouldn’t comment about how different I look, but that is my issue that I have to address, not theirs. I continue to be a work in progress, both physically and mentally.
My husband went through some real insecurity once I hit this weight. My weight loss coincides with a big milestone birthday for him and the perfect storm it created was a strange one. He said that men would check me out (I remain oblivious to that sort of thing) and he would question who I saw at work on a daily basis, etc. In his mind, he knew I would never stray, but it took a while to convince his testosterone-laden instincts. Now, however, our marriage is stronger and healthier than ever. I am a happier person, I have more energy, and I am more patient. I feel like he appreciates me more as well. He loved me at my heaviest and he loves me now.
Am I glad I had the surgery? Every single day. I would not choose otherwise. It gave me back a life I didn’t know that I missed. I have shrunk as a body but I have grown as an individual. I’ve looked for some recent pictures, but can’t find any full body shots. I’ll take some in a day or so and post before and after. If you are still reading my two-year manifesto, I wish you much success on your journey.
I'm just a couple of months out, and it is great to read the stories of those who have gone before me and hear their wisdom. Thank you for your insights!
Jane
Starting weight: 320 Goal weight: 145 Surgery Weight: 298 Current weight: 215 Check out my blog at www.thebariatricvegan.com
Weight loss month 1-22 2-13 3-12 4-16 5-4 6-0 7-7 8-6
I really enjoyed reading about your journey. Your starting weight was very similar to mine and I've been stalled for a couple months around the same mark that you did and it's driving me nuts. I never did take my initial measurements, but even these months that I've been stalled, my clothing sizes are continuing to drop, so i know something is still happening. It's encouraging to know others have gone through the same thing and emerged successful. Thanks so much for posting about it and can't wait to see those photos!
Congratulations! And thank you so much for sharing.
I am 10 months out and the sweet craving is unbelievable. It's a constant battle. (and I will win!) I have lost 127 lbs so far and want to lose another 35 (I am also 5'6").
My husband also seems to have developed some security issues since my weight loss. He doesn't worry that I'll stray, he seems to worry more that I find HIM attractive now that I am finally smaller than he is. It makes it hard sometimes.
It helps to hear I'm not abnormal with my thoughts and perceptions.
sue
