Optimistically excited and then devastated in the same day

Sorry in advance for the length but need to get something off my chest.

Submitted to insurance on Monday. Checked in with Aetna today and I’m glad I did. The rep said that the pre-cert had been submitted via the internet and was still pending in the system for review. Because I called, she got the process started and gave me information that my Dr.’s nurse needed to fax over. She said that Aetna would be calling to talk to the nurse within 24 hours and if she would fax the info over before, it would speed the process up for me. Very excited and scared at the same time.

On another note, my son (12 yrs old) and I are the only people from my family living here. I’m very close to my ex sis-in-laws and they have offered to help me when they are able but both work in the medical field and have families and busy lives. But I still want and need the support of my immediate family. I called my mother and sister in Texas on Monday and requested help and support - the outcome is that I’m probably going to be going through this process alone. I even offered to buy my mother a plane ticket if she would come out for a week (oops previously said "month"). She is scared for me to have the surgery and I guess her way of dealing with it is to ignore it. She has the personality that if she doesn’t acknowledge something then it isn’t real. For her, as long as she isn’t here, she can pretend that I didn’t have the surgery.

My sister on the other hand… proceeded to tell me that I haven’t tried everything or really given my all to anything or stuck to something. She said that I should put the surgery off, do more research, and try other diets. I was successful on the HCG diet (50 lbs) but without making any bad changes, gained it all back (plus some) within 3 months of ending the maintenance phase. I have been strict and I have tried many diets but I don’t call and give updates when I’m dieting and working out. They are over 900 miles away so how does she know what I do? I had medically induced menopause twice and then a full hysterectomy. I developed hypothyroidism and now have high blood sugar and cholesterol. My primary doctor has determined that I have developed metabolic issues and supports the surgery. I think this is also hard for them because I have been very small my whole life until the last 14 years when I started having some major health issues. They think I should just be able to do it on my own and that I'm taking the easy way out. If only they knew!

I went through this whole process 2 years ago but Aetna needed an additional 5 months of documented weight and then my husband left for greener pastures so I put WLS on the back burner. I have researched this for 3 years and have honestly given all I have to trying to lose and maintain weight loss on my own. After talking to my sister, I cried more than I have cried since my husband told me he was leaving (and I’m not a crier). I'm not sure how much longer I'm supposed to wait and try other things??

So, bottom line…. I’m coming here for my support. I’m so glad I found this site because it will be what helps get me through this process. Can’t wait to join you on the loser’s bench. Thank you for letting me vent.  

I'm so sorry you are going through this and are not getting support.  I've been lucky to have had supportive friends and family.

Prior to having the surgery I did think that it was the easy way out.  I could not have been more wrong.

If I am brutally honest with myself I work harder now for my weight loss than I have ever before during any weight loss phase I've done in my whole life.  I have had the surgery, yes, true.  But I still make the decision to go to the gym (some days harder than others), I still cook 99% of my own meals and portion them out (and it's even harder meal planning now because I can only eat 2 oz at a time).  I still pass when someone brings in donuts into the office.  I still have to be mindful of when I eat and drink.  I still have to watch my protein and water.  

The work doesn't stop at the surgery and unfortunately sometimes until you've gone through it you don't really appreciate what goes into it.  Would I have the surgery again in a heartbeat?  Yes, and I would have done it 5 years ago or whenever VSG was first available in my area.  

Make the right decision for you.  I always thought I would prove anyone wrong who thought it was the easy way by working my butt off.  Maybe that's not the healthiest way to look at things but I vowed it would never be easy.  It's not easy but it is so so worth it.  

Everyone here has been incredibly supportive and helpful to me and I'm sure you will find the same thing.  Do what is best for you and your son and that means taking care of you.  

Thank you and congratulations on your weight loss!  

I know this is going to be hard so it makes me so mad when friends/family think I'm taking the easy way out. As of today, I have lost 19.8 lbs (pre-surgery) and that is mainly because I have pretty much changed my life to look like it will post-surgery. The only difference right now is that I'm eating between 900-1200 calories/day. I drink my protein drinks and water and IF I eat anything with carbs or sugar, it is just 1 or 2 bites. I'm tracking everything on myfitnesspal.com (and man, was I shocked when I found out that ONE Nestles chocolate chip cookie has 170 calories. Changed me from eating one cookie to one very small bite that day). I don't buy sugary, high calorie snacks anymore (which my son is not happy about) and starch's/carbs are purchased very few and far between and I only eat a few bites. I'm not making the mistake of holding food funerals.

I'm doing this because I don't want to die. My grandfather, who was my hero, died from diabetes and heart issues and I don't want to do the same. I want to be healthy. I'm 5'1" and a very petite frame and although some would consider me a lightweight, it has caused me to not be able to stand/walk easily and I have developed degenerative joint disease in my lower back.

My mantra is, get on board and help me or get out of my way! I'm GOING to be healthy again!

I think you and I must have the same Mom.  Although I  love her dearly she also thinks if she doesn't talk about something  it doesn't exist but my Mom is a little different she doesn't understand why we can't stop gaining weight and wanted me to have the surgery.  I am now considering revision surgery from the lap band to the sleeve.  I had my lap band for 2 years and lost 132 lbs.  then I got a nasty bug from someone not washing their hand after using the bathroom and handling our food in the cafeteria at work.  Unfortunately  it settled in my colon right next to where my band was placed around my stomach and my band had to be taken out.  I loved my band it worked beautifully.  I've had it off for almost 2 years now and have gained back 40 lbs. I also had the most wonderful talented surgeon but he left to go back to his home country Lebanon.  I have a hernia that needs to be fixed and went to the surgeon that took my doctors place and he told me he could do the sleeve but he would have to do the sleeve before he could do the hernia.  My problem is leak rate is much higher for revision surgery so I'm scared.  My original surgeon told me he couldn't do the sleeve after the lap band because of the way  they put it on but this surgeon told me he could work around it. I talked to the surgical nurse and she said if anyone could do it it would be my surgeon now.  I still haven't decided if I will have the sleeve but am leaning more toward it, I have been trying to lose this weight on my own and not having much success.  I'm sorry this is so long.  Don't worry you will be fine.  If they do it lapriscopicaly you will be up in no time.  You'll probably be feeling pretty good by the 3rd day.  My friend that was across the hall from me had the sleeve and she told me the 3rd day she felt pretty good.  I hope everything works out for you.  But just know I will keep you in my prayers.  Let me know when you have your surgery .  Just remember this is a whole new life for you.

 

I have Aetna also. I am starting the approval process in November. Not that far away!

I am sorry that your family is not supporting your decision. Overall most people do not understand the process that have to go through to get to the surgery. I am preparing to tell my family about my decision. The only support that I am asking from them is to trust that whatever I eat is what my plan requires. There will be no need to offer anything to me. If it is food that is right for me, then I will eat the appropriate portion. When you say to someone that you need their support you need to tell them what that support looks like. I have one sister who is a "wild card". I will listen to her concerns but will stay strong that this is a great gift that I am giving myself! 

I understand the support challenges. I have family about an hour and half away. I am sure that they will come but honestly, I dont want someone hovering over me. My post-op plan is to have checkin calls /emails with other VSG'ers. I belong to a support group in my area and a couple people have offered to be there for me if i needed help. Do you have a support group in your area?

You are giving yourself and your son a wonderful gift of health. Who can be mad at you for that?  Some people replace fear with anger. I am sure you mom is worried. I have had friends who dont feel that I need the surgery. I learned that I just lessen my conversations with them about my surgery. This is your journey. If someone is not helping you move forward then you made need to leave them behind. It doesnt make you mean, it just means that you matter! 

We are all here to help in anyway.

Thank you! The only support I told them I needed was for one of them to fly out here (on my dime) to help me the first week of surgery. The hospital is across town and I live in a two story with basement. Wasn't sure if I'm allowed to do steps the first few days and thought they could help with my son.

I also told them that I just wanted someone from my family to be there with me when they took me in and I came out of surgery because I was scared. It hurts but I will make it by myself. This is too important not to do. 

 

Is there ANY way you can get a good friend to help... or even decent friend? People are usually flattered to be asked. And who knows, your mother might come around... most mothers don't like their 'babies' having surgery without them there! Hang tight and ya know what? If you have to do it alone YOU WILL. Woman are always tougher than we seem - you went through CHILDBIRTH, and that's a ******! Yes, those first few weeks will be a challenge, especially with a child, but you CAN and WILL succeed! Prepare a nest BEFORE surgery... freeze broths into ice cube trays so they're ready to go, buy suger-free popsicles, s/f pudding, jello, etc...stock up on all essentials, have chapstick around, have a good place to rest with a comfy blankie, a good book, or old movies to watch. Have your supplements and meds all divided up into a baggie a day. If your son can help do small things, ask him. If he needs to miss school for a few days to help, so be it... I'm a teacher and it's not the end of the world to miss a few days, even a week, you're worth it. He'll catch up. You've made a great choice to improve your health - now go do it! Good Luck and Hang Tight!

I feel bad for you.  If I lived closer, I'd come sit with you.

Explain to your family how scared you are and that you will need help with your son. 

When I first started talking about WLS, my husband was scared and not interested in me having it.  Then, at barely 43, I had a heart attack.  That scared him more.  He's still scared but now understands why I need this.  Try explaining to your mom that the other health risks out-weigh the risk of the surgery.

Thank you so much. The thought counts! :-)

I'm 44 and I had a wake up call with my last lab work. I've realized my health is more important than having everyone agree with my choice. I've tried explaining the health issues but they don't see it. I've explained, told them I needed them, and have decided to go forward with a smile on my face. They will understand when I see them the next time I make it to Texas and I'm healthy and happy and look like my old self again (hopefully!). 

I understand. You will be fine. You should be able to go up and down the stairs. Walking is actually a good thing to do after surgery. The restriction is carrying something more than 25 pounds or so.  A friend told me that she will come over and help me with laundry. If you lived closer I would come over and help you!  I am in Massachusetts! I will pray that the support you need will show up.