I think I need a kick in the butt

Its been a really long time since I've even logged in let alone posted.  I had my 1 yr surgiversary on August 16th.  Yay!! Right?!?! I've lost 90lbs, I look and feel great.  You'd think I would be happy right?!?! Honestly its been a struggle.  Not the weight loss per se, just life.  When I was 6 months post op one of my best friends, in fact the friend who had the vsg 2 yrs before me and encouraged me and held my hand the entire time, took her own life due to depression.  I was left, in fact I'm still left sitting here, just thinking to myself "She looked and felt so amazing! How could I have missed how sad she was? She rarely said a word! I feel so sad and lost at times and then I have moments where I get so pissed at her! Fortunately I didn't gain any weight, but I didn't lose any weight either.  Well fast forward 5 months and I finally, finally get some good news that makes me soo incredulously happy.  I'm going to have a baby! The REASON I decided to have this surgery so I could lose weight and concieve and carry a baby to full term.  Imagine my dismay when just at the 6 week mark I lost it.  I moped around alot, got lazy, ate some real ****ty food for a few weeks.  Gained 8 lbs and then smacked myself, what was I doing?  Reverting back to old habits! Stop it Kari! Just stop it!!! I've straightened out my act, eating like I am supposed to and back to working out, lost all but 2 of the pounds I put on.  Those will come off, but I just needed to come here to the people who can relate and feel my pain, that even though I had this surgery, it doesn't magically make the rest of your life pretty. 

 

Oh Kari! I am so very sorry for your losses! I too have lost a pregnancy, so I can certainly relate to that pain. But I cannot imagine losing a loved one to suicide! Again, I am so very sorry.

Please, I urge you to seek mental health care, as it is just as important as physical health care. If you already have a mental health care provider, kudos to you, and make sure they are aware of the recent tragedies in your life. Do not be ashamed or feel like "less of a person" by seeking out mental health care. I have bipolar and I certainly need my mental health care!

Hang in there, I will be thinking of you!

~Rhiannon

Thanks Rhiannon,

Its been a struggle.  I did talk to my therapist for a while after my friends passing trying to find answers and of course there are none.  Learning to cope with a loss like that was a challenge that I felt I had conquered.  Having the miscarriage was altogether different for me.  Fortunately and unfortunately for me I chose to keep the pregnancy to myself, the father and one other friend. Like I said I just need the kick in the butt to motivate myself to get the help I need to make sure I'm doing the best thing for myself.  I think I was in denial for the last few weeks, hopefully I can move on and as you said work on my Mental health. Thank you for your kind and caring words and also for the encouragement! Part of me stayed away for so long scared that I would be subject to the wrath of some people on here that had a tendency to attack the weak :-/

Look, I am usually well known for giving a slight kick when I think one is needed.  You don't need a kick, you need a hug.  I am so sorry all of this has happened to you Kari.  In addition, you are back on track now and are doing what needs to be done.  Welcome back, no kicks here, just friendship and understanding. 

Thank you Elena.  Hug received and returned!

No kick in the butt here. You have had a hard time and encouragement is in order. You have dusted yourself and you are moving forward. Best wishes.

I'm so sorry about your losses.  Hang in there and take good care of yourself.

I am so sorry for your losses. I too lost a close friend to suicide. It will be 2 yrs this Halloween. No one knew, he acted just the same as always it forever changed our lives. As time goes on it doesn't get easier but more tolerable. You are in my thoughts & prayers XOXO

Kellie

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry.  That's a whole lot to deal with - hugs go out to you!  It's a testament to your own strength that you're dealing with all of this in such a constructive way.

I am so sorry for your losses this year.  Sending hugs your way, and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  Take care!