Is Mommy going to die?

Ugh!  My husband told me last night that our son asked him if I could die during my surgery.  He told him that I could, but I won't and that I am doing this so that we can all live a long, healthy life together.

My son is 11 and his current diagnosis is Residual Asperger's.  We have worked so hard since he was three to desensitize his sensory issues and help him make sense of the world around him.  He is so fantastic.  If you didn't know him or his history, you would not be able to tell he is "on the spectrum" as they say.  For many years, my husband was a district manager and traveled Monday through Friday so it was just me and our son doing the day to day things.  We are quite close and he still comes to me more often when he needs advice or needs help making sense of a situation. Until recently, we haven't been apart very much.  Now that he is older and he is more confident in himself (and I am confident enough in him to make good choices for himself) he has been branching out.  He is a Boy Scout and goes on a weekend camp out every month.

I know he is anxious about me being in the hospital for a few days.  The hospital I have to go to is about 2 hours from home so he and my husband will be in a hotel while I am in the hospital.  It's always easier for him when he is the one leaving me, he's not used to me leaving him!

I am picturing myself being wheeled into the surgery room with him crying as I go.  I'm tearing up just thinking about it.  I'm the one who is supposed to comfort him and talk him through hard situations. In this situation, he will be in a tough situation because of me and I won't be able to be there for him.  My husband will do his best but let's face it, there's no substitute for Mommy!  I am going to have to work really hard between now and the surgery to assure him that I will be ok and he will be ok. 

Focus on the positive!  You will come through this with the tools to become a BETTER YOU!  Thinner, more confident, healthier....with the chance to live even longer in this kid's life! You'll actually only be apart for a couple hours, and then he can take care of you for a couple days...

Oh, boy, that is tough.

My kids are a bit older. My daughter is actually 21, and my son is 15. But, my son has a very tender heart when it comes to family (not to say other 15 year olds wouldn't be worried, but because of some pretty hard losses in his life, my son tends to hold family very close).

I could tell he was worried when I told him I was having surgery. I've had surgeries before but 1) he was younger and didn't comprehend the possibilities, and 2) they were before the above-mentioned losses.He asked me a lot of questions, which was his way of trying to not worry. I made sure I was very honest with him, and as soon as he could, my husband brought him to the hospital to see me. Once he saw me, I saw him relax.

And then he proceeded to tease me for weeks. Which is his way of showing affection, as taught to him by his father. LOL

Your situation may be a tougher one, but I do believe letting him ask questions and answering them for him will help. Don't gloss over too much, because kids know when they are being stonewalled.

Good luck!

If it were me, Im not sure id take him to the hospital before your surgery - he probably shouldnt see you being wheeled away in to the OR. Thats your call, but I can imagine that would be very tough on him.

I agree with Alison

you need to explain to him that there is a very small chance that something bad happens , but that you will be fine and start getting healthier after and that you will look sick  for a little while after the surgery m, so he does not get scared when he first sees you after the surgery

I think what I might do if I were you is take a day off (both of you) one day a week or two before your surgery, and take him to the hospital where you will be, let him go into the waiting room where you will be, walk him through the steps exactly as they will happen.  He'll have this knowledge of what is to come and it won't be so scary that day.  Just a thought!  Best wishes for you through this!!!

I think I have to agree. I would probably take him to the hospital. Give him a BIG hug and tell him you love him in the waiting room and walk back to where they get you all hooked up. That way he doesn't see you being wheeled in but can be there waiting for you when you wake up and he can see that all is well with mommy.