Nerves

I have 3 days (I can hardly believe it's just days now****il my surgery, and boy am I excited! I realized today that my one track mind has not been acknowledging the other feelings I've been having. 

Don't get me wrong, I've noticed the swooping sensation when I realize how close it is, but I've kind of blown off my mourning for the loss of my comforts (either by pretending it's not that big of a deal or trying to convince myself that I am in control, and once I'm done losing, as long as I keep tabs and keep myself restrained, I'll be able to indulge a little). But I was driving today and I found myself romanticizing my horrible relationship with food. I was longing for one more time to overstuff myself with way too much pizza. In reality, I hate getting a pizza and wanting to be done after a couple pieces but fighting with myself because I'm still not full, and I want to be. It really made me realize how important all my tools are going to be - including the sleeve, but mostly, the willpower and my support systems!

The biggest feeling I found myself overcome with today was fear. I remember a couple months ago during my psych eval, I was asked what's the worst thing that could happen with this procedure? I matter of factly responded that I could die. But tonight, I without even realizing I had been thinking about this blurted out to my husband (we're separated) that if I die, I needed him to promise to save money for our son to go to college. I then started crying and asked him if he would talk to him about me and make sure he always knows I love him more than anything. I have been all about the numbers, and I know the risks are low, and all the prep is done to lower the risks even more. I have been very analytical about it all, but I have not acknowledged the tiny part of me that is just a little bit scared (I've never had surgery before).

That said, I know I'm making the right decision. I know in my heart that my relationship with food is unhealthy, and we really need to break up. I know that I will wake up from surgery and be on my way to being the best mom I can be. I just wanted to openly acknowledge my feelings and unburden my soul of them. 

How is/was everyone else feeling in the days leading up to surgery? 

You will be fine!   Just think positive thoughts.  You will be in my prayers.

Hi Annie,

I think your feelings around surgery are very normal.  You express them so articulately. 

Surgery is much safer today than it was years ago.  You will be fine, and you will be so happy when the weight starts going down, and you have more energy and mobility.  Obesity is more likely to diminish your life expectancy than the surgery is. 

The biggest benefit of the surgery for me was that I found it much easier to manage my eating.  Before surgery, the drive to overeat was immense.  I could manage it for a while, but it always won out in the end.  Post surgery, the drive is diminished.  I still want to overeat, but it doesn't overwhelm me now.  In my opinion, the surgery does not make the weight loss easy, but it makes it possible.

I wish you the best in your weight loss journey.  I hope you have much success..

Carol

Yes, hon, it's very normal.  Very.

My surgery was the day before Thanksgiving last year.  I had all of the Christmas presents bought and wrapped (unheard of for me -- LOL!), and I very solemnly wrote out for my husband where they were hidden ... and a lot of other stuff as well.  I also wrote out cards for my husband and my two kids at home and put them in a findable, but not prominent place, in case I didn't come home. 

I came home. 

Hang in there!!!!! 

All of your feelings are completely normal!!!  Take a deep breath & try to relax.  Your chances of coming out of surgery with minimal complications is in your favor!!! 

The first month after surgery is the toughest, my surgeon even warned me.  I asked him what was his biggest complication and he said dehydration.  This was decent news to me because I felt I could help myself to make sure that didn't happen.  I did take sips of water all day long.  Heck, I even took the water bottle with me to the restroom.  I wanted to make sure I didn't dehydrate.  I'm not sure if it's ever happened to you but it has to me & the nausea & headaches are not fun.

You will be mourning the loss of food but the rewards of surgery is so great!  Months later you will be able to eat plenty, believe me!  Then you will wish you had that teeny swollen tummy that you had in the first year.  Make the most of this journey.   Go BALLS TO THE WALLS!!!  You won't be sorry!!!  I'm excited for you, it's an exciting time!!!  It's a 2nd chance at a wonderful fulfilling life!  It sounds like you already have a great life, but it will get so much better with this new found energy, health, & looking great. 

Eye on the prize, you've got this!!!