Woman to Woman

Not that I won't take advice from men.

Can we just have a sit down talk for a hot second. *pulls chair closer, leans in* No seriously...

I don't know if I can do this. I'm about seven months pre-op (teacher, have to wait until summer) and I know I need to lose some weight before the surgery, but I keep gaining. I feel ridiculous.

I've been in Overeaters Anonymous for the past two years, and it has helped  a lot, but I am not working the program to it's fullest right now: and I am falling, falling, falling.

I'm 30 years old (just turned) and I can't even walk from my desk to my whiteboard without being out of breath...kinda hard to teacher when you are gasping for breath. Can't fit in the desks. I was walking through a building today from one floor to the second from one end of the builiding to another - and I had to take like four stops leaning against the wall, pretending to check my phone for some imaginary text or something. I'm down to one pair of pants that can only fit with a wish and prayers - leaving giant red gashes around my stomach laced with bruises...and I want to change my life so badly. Have wanted and tried for YEARS and something is just not clicking. I'm going to counseling and I'm doing everything I can...

When I think back to only a few months ago when I wa****ting up the gym and was participating in roller derby...(330 pound woman comin' on down the track at ya...yup...little intimidating I know *wink*) And now..

I still stop at the Quickie Mart on the way home and load up on candy bars and pop...

At 364ish pounds...

What the hell am I doing to myself? How the hell am I going to be able to do this?

There is a sign that hangs (ironically) in our lunch room - it says:

Is your will to CHANGE stronger than your will to RESIST?

Deep down...I don't think it is.

 

Please, please, please from the bottom of my soul...somebody help me.

 

This heart of a warrior - this spirit that is on fire...

Is drowning in cookie crumbs and drive though receipts.

 

What do I do?

 

my advise is to see a therapist about your eating disorder before your surgery , none of the surgeries will work if you can't follow the plan

 the rny might stop you from eating high sugar or fat food if you are in the 30% that dump

but other wise you can cheat with any of the wls 's , ice cream and cookies will slid right thru you sleeve , or band or pouch along with all there calories 

 

I feel like I can relate. I don't have a date yet but as soon as I decided for sure I wanted to do the surgery I started eating like crazy! Every day splurging on junk that I haven't had in a year.  It almost feels like a last desperate attempt to connect with all these foods before they are ripped from my life. I also eat when I'm anxious so I think the anxiousness of this life changing decision being made has definitely added to my eating habits. And It does give me pause. Makes me wonder if I can really do it. But the truth is I'm miserable when I'm eating like that and I want the surgery to get here ASAP to put a stop to this madness!  Mentally I do not enjoy it anymore but it feels like a need. I'm hoping the surgery will help me deal with that. I've been going to therapy for 9 months and know I will definitely need to keep going after surgery to help me work through it all. 

 

ps. I have only one outfit to get me through the winter! I feel like I'm at the end of the line. I just can't see myself buying bigger clothes again. 

 

Goos ode luck with your journey. Wish I had better advice for you but know I completely empathize! 

My advice to you would be to start now on a low carb diet.  Tell yourself you are going to get rid of one thing at a time; for instance I started out getting rid of sodas, then got rid of sugar completely, then breads, then pasta.  You won't believe how your cravings will decrease when you do this.  It will be a tremendous help for you for the long haul.  YOU CAN DO THIS, if YOU WANT IT BAD ENOUGH.

Hello there.  You came to the right place.  Let's give your warrior heart something to think about.  My HRW was 357 last year, so I totally get where you are right now (but I'm 55yo, so you have an advantage that I didn't have.  )  Let's see if we can top you out at 364ish and ease you down some.

As a start, I don't think what you're experiencing is all that unusual for a preop.  In my case I got serious about my situation, but I certainly wasn't perfect.  I saw VSG as being my last chance at reaching and maintaining a healthy weight, and I had received a serious warning from my PCP about where I was headed if I did nothing.  I also was having a hard time getting up from the couch, floor, bed.  Who PLANS how they're going to get up from lying down on the couch???? ME.  That's how bad it was. 

Anyway, fast-forward to now.  A struggle I am having now at over a year postop is knowing there is stuff in my pantry/laundry room that I should not eat if I want to maintain my WL.  I have kids, so that's why it's there in the first place.  For them it's not problematic food, but for me it's baaaaaad.  One thing that is working for me is telling myself, hey, chick, if you don't walk into that room, you can't pick up anything in there and eat it.  So far that is working for me. 

If I have to I will print out one of my "befores" and attach it to the pantry door so that I get to revisit those days every stinkin' time I go in there.  Sobering.

If we transfer that strategy to your situation, you could tell yourself, if I don't drive to the mart, park my car, walk in there (you said that walking is an effort for you right now -- NOT criticizing you!  BTDT), stand in line to pay for what I select, walk back to the car and drive off, nothing from there goes into my mouth.  Same thing with drive-thrus.  If you don't go there, you can't put anything into your mouth from there, and you are ahead of the game.

There is a part of you that really DOESN'T want to eat that way, so let that warrior woman come roaring through and keep you outta the mart or the drive-thru.  The part of you that does?  Again, without any criticism whatsoever, let's categorize that part of you as a small child who wants a bunch of stuff, whether it's good for her or not.  How does a mature adult respond to that?  The mature adult steers the child away from stuff that is harmful. 

Take a piece of paper, write the word NO on it in large letters in the color of your choice, and keep it in your car.  Put it on top of your purse so that you see it any time you might be reaching for your wallet to pay for above-referenced excursions. 

If you don't have one already, take a "before" of yourself TODAY and look at it.  Get completely honest with yourself about your situation.  I avoided cameras like the plague, and mirrors were something I tolerated.  I was avoiding the truth of my situation and the shame and despair that accompanied it.  I am not saying you are doing that, but if you see yourself in that description ...

I hope that something in this ramble strikes a chord with you and helps you somehow.  Your situation is serious, as mine was, and I want you to have the recovery and the peace of mind that I am experiencing as a result of not only having a successful VSG surgery, but also doing the necessary self-care both preop and postop.  You CAN start today.  You CAN like yourself enough to be kind to that little voice that wants what she wants and help her get one step closer to a healthy future. 

As has been mentioned already in your thread, some good talk therapy could be very helpful.  In the right situation you can develop new strategies for making decisions and understanding why you are where you are. 

Keep posting, my dear, and keep fighting! 

 

 

I was at my highest weight of 376 (what the what?!). I decided it was life or death and I needed to change. I had trouble walking for to long and would be out of breathe, I avoided all stairs just because I didn't want people seeing me miserable afterwards. I have pretty much been fat my whole life...my weight has fluctuated more than the hills in Virginia. Haha. Now that I am in my 30s, I decided I didn't want to go another 10+years looking the same and gaining more complications as time goes on. YOU CAN DO THIS! The fear is the worst part of it all.  Don't accept the current you as all you'll ever be. You will be surprised when you push yourself just a little more. Change is feasible, and for the better! We have all been in your shoes and thousands of us have taken the plunge to success and have successfully overcome our old selves. Please join us! I believe in you because I too was once you and I did it one step at a time. Don't give up!!!  

My surgery was November 15th. I started this journey at 376; by my surgery date I was down to 341.4. My weight this morning is 321.2. I'm so stoked because the stupid Wii Fit I bought several years ago is coming out of the closet! I can finally use it because I am now under their 330lb weight limit! 

I wish you all the best and I hope to see you on this forum complaining about the stupid liquid diet before surgery, the days after surgery and so on. Haha. All of these things are just little speed bumps to your road to success!  Good luck!!!

I can relate to your feelings so much.  I was 385 pounds when I started the WLS process.  I was so limited by my weight.  Not fitting into airplane seats, booths at restaurants, theatre seats, you name it!  I was staying home for fear of being embarassed by my weight or that I wouldn't fit into a seat, or that I'd be pushed to walk or stand longer than comfortable.  My life was constricting and all I could see was less and less quality of life - A downward spiral.

I just want to tell you, I can relate to your pain.  I want you to know there is hope.  You can do this.

First, I recommend you break the carb addiction.  I cannot control my eating when I eat carbs.  But if I muster all my will power, and cut out all carbs for a few days, then I can control the cravings.  I'd suggest the following:

1.  Log all your food in my fitness pal or another tool.

2.  Keep carbs very low for a few days - I aim for under 25 g per day, but the carb limit varies per person.  I'd suggest starting very low and then add as needed until you see the cravings coming back, and you'll know your limit.

3.  My program suggested participants follow the post surgery diet before the surgery to strengthen healthy eating habits.  I lost 50 pounds pre-surgery doing this.  You could lose even more before surgery.  You'll be so happy if you do.

I started the WLS process last January and had surgery last May.  I now weigh 225 pounds.  You could be at a similar weight a year from now!  If I can do it, you can! 

best of luck,

Carol

I 100% feel your pain. Literally and figuratively. When I started this process almost 13 months ago, I weighed in a 444 lbs. I felt terrible all the time, I couldn't fit in booths, I had broken toilet seats, I couldn't walk without pain, sex with my husband was nonexistent, I was always out of breath, I ate in secret, I felt miserable, looked terrible, and was getting to the point where I was REALLY struggling to wipe myself in the bathroom. Yeah, that's right - I'm getting real here! These are just the things I can think of off the top of my head that were making my existence miserable!

I decided that I was at rock bottom - especially when I watched my father-in-law pass away. I knew that was it for me.... I had to do SOMETHING and do it fast.

I feel as though you have a golden opportunity in front of you. You aren't going to have surgery for another 7 months, so that gives you the opportunity to lose as much weight as possible beforehand. I was required to do a six month supervised diet and taking it seriously and making as many changes as humanly possible was one of the BEST decisions I have ever made. I had convinced myself that by losing as much weight as possible, cutting caffeine, carbs, and sugar out of my life would make my recovery and transition after surgery much easier. Not only that, but any weight I lost before surgery was that much less weight I'd have to lose afterwards - hopefully getting to my goal faster.

I'm going to give you my opinion and it may not be a popular one. Cut out the simple carbs and sugar now - don't delay. Make a decision right now that you're going to completely cut them out. Drink little to no soda and start pumping your body full of water. Do not allow yourself "treats" or convince yourself that eating in "moderation" means that you can still have these things regularly ("moderation" is a word that is often twisted by many people in my opinion). I'm telling you, there was a physical change in how much I physically craved sweets, fast food, etc. after 2 1/2 weeks of "white knuckling" through the cravings. It made the rest of the supervised diet so much easier.

Two other big suggestions - start seeing a therapist NOW. Changes are coming your way and therapy is one of the big reasons for my success. The other suggestion - track every little thing that you eat and drink. Do it and BE HONEST. You're the only one that is going to see it.... you have to get "real" which means no more lying to yourself or others.

I just sent you a friend request - please let me know if I can help you in any way!

It's amazing what we put ourselves thru, mentally and physically.  I'm 62, and I have been miserable for years.  The past few years my body has been failing me.  I don't walk anymore, I hobble with a cane.  Out of breath all the time.  Can't sleep in a bed, have to sleep in recliner.  When I do try to sleep in a bed, I'm in misery, and I can't even roll over, or move myself in from the edge of the bed.  I have back problems, legs, hips and knees pain, archilles tendonitis in both feet, heart disease, sleep apnea, high blood pressure - the list goes on and on.  Caused by what?  Highest weight 385.  My mobility problems got so bad I decided I couldn't live like this any longer.  I never considered harming myself, but sometimes, sitting in the recliner waiting for sleep to come, I would think it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't wake up in the morning.  But then I thought of my daughter and granddaughter and how my daughter would suffer.  And I thought of all the good things we could do together if I was healthy - I thought about just going to the mall would be wonderful, or going on a picnic, or taking my granddaughter to Chuckie Cheese.  I know I can be happy if I get healthy.

I've accepted the fact I need surgery to help me.  I know, too, that my behavior has to change too.  I gave up dieting though, because I failed, failed again, and failed again throughout my life.  I started reading about Intuitive Eating.  What I did was take one step at a time, I didn't want to count calories or carbs - I didn't want to feel deprived.  So what I did was decide to make healthier choices and control my portions.  And that is working for me -  I have to lose weight before surgery.  I basically eat pretty much anything, but just one portion on a smaller plate (not a sandwich or salad plate - but a plate that's slightly smaller than a full-sized dinner plate).  Just one portion.  I avoid drive-thrus and fast food.  I just try to make healthier choices -- I don't live on salads and carrot/celery sticks.  I've met with a dietician as part of the pre-op process and she made some suggestions about foods I should add - I don't feel overwhelmed by her suggestions, because they are minor.  By eating the way I have been eating lately, I have lost over 50 pounds.  You've got to get out of the "diet mode" and put yourself in the "making better choices mode".

It takes time - but I'm getting closer to my surgery date.  Hopefully, should be around February or March.  I'm both nervous and excited.  But when I started with the pre-op appointments with the psych evaluation and the nutritionist appointments, I went in with a positive attitude, not negative.  I know the surgery is going to be a key to my success, but it has to be worked with a positive attitude and an acknowledgement that surgery by itself is not the answer, it has to be combined with commitment to follow the guidelines.

Don't let yourself get overwhelmed - take one step at a time.  Keep your eye on the prize - the surgery will help you tremendously.  Keep reading the boards here.  You'll see many of us have struggled, but you'll find out what people have done to be successful.  It's not easy, but it will be worth it.  I've sent a friends request to you.  Let's work on this together!

Never give up!

 

I get it...we all get it...we've been there, we really have...just wanted to give you some {{{hugs}}}.  I felt like "i'll never see/get all this wonderful food again', and chowed down in the months before surgery....and funny, you know what I miss now?  not the pizza, pasta, breads, sweets....I miss vegetables!!  of course I can still have them, but just a little...

I understand the teacher/summer thing....but...if you were to get ill during the school year, you would still have to stay home and school would go on with a sub.   Would you consider (with your docs approval, of course), moving up the surgery?  One week should be all you'd need....just sayin....

best of luck, hang in there...it will all be worth it..

Sophie