Ashamed

I'm in the first steps of getting this process started, but I feel ashamed and don't want anyone to know that I'm even thinking about this. I feel like a big fat failure who cant lose the weight on my own. I feel embrassed by it and IF and WHEN I have the VSG I do NOT want anyone to know. Is that wrong? Anyone else feel this way?

Look, I don't like labeling feelings as right or wrong. They are what they are. That said, I don't think beating yourself up about this is good for you or productive. Try looking at it this way:

90-95% of people who try to lose (and maintain that loss) significant amounts of weight without surgery FAIL. Does that make 95% of us all big fat failures and only 5% are "good" people? I don't think so. I think it means that losing and maintaining weight loss is close to impossible without surgical intervention. Those of us who choose to make use of scientific and medical advances to better our health are not failures -- we are proactive, courageous, and sensible. Of the paths open to us, we are choosing the one that is far more likely to be successful. How is that failing? That is the opposite of failing! I'm proud of myself for taking the steps I needed to take, both in getting the surgery and in the hard work I have put in after. And don't kid yourself, it will be very hard after surgery as well. So I would encourage you to look at the strength you are going to need, and the wisdom you had to investigate this medical decision, and give yourself some love instead of hatred.

Now, I will also say I struggled with similar feelings of self-loathing for having to "resort" to surgery. But the more I researched how effective it is (and how effective traditional "eat less and move more" plans AREN'T) the better I began to feel about what I was doing. But it was a gradual process for sure. I can certainly tell you that you are not the only one who has felt the way you feel now.

That said, your medical decisions are between you and your doctor. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to.

Best wishes to you going forward.

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double-plus good

I tell anyone and everyone.  At first it was uncomfortable but I really feel we, as a society (not pointing at you as the poster child...lol) need to get over fat shaming and then the shaming of those trying to get unfat.  So I am making it my one woman mission to normalize WLS as a viable, long-term successful option for people who are overweight.  No one should be ashamed of moving forward into a healthier life.  Hell, no one should be ashamed of being obese, imo. 

You know, every single person on earth has weaknesses.  We get picked on because ours our worn in public (as excess weight) every single day.  It doesn't mean we're failures.  It means we can't hide the struggles...because it's just too obvious.

When the time was right, I told my TRUSTED friends and my family. None of them shamed me for it. Everybody else, including my co-workers, can go to hell. They know I had some kind of surgery, but that's all they need to know. BUT, I work in a toxic environment personality-wise and I'd be dumb to let those psychopaths know too much about my personal life. Many others on this board feel differently about telling co-workers, but I guess maybe they can trust theirs more than I can trust mine.

But otherwise, I also think it's a very sensible decision. I wish WLS and obesity didn't have such a stigma. But it just does, and you have to deal with it whatever way feels best for you. Do NOT let the people on this board pressure you into oversharing.

I have told only my family about my WLS. I need privacy as I make changes to my lifestyle. It is a very personal decision for me now. I think once I achieve goal and maintain for a while, I will share my WLS with some. I am not ashamed of my WLS ... Just need to be hyper focused on my choices for the rest of my life.

I never felt any shame in making my decision for WLS ... Just very happy such a process was available. WLS is a great tool for improved health - physically, mentally and emotionally.

Be gentle with yourself - you deserve health! Start loving yourself.

I don't think your feelings are wrong. I felt that way for a long time too, and still do in a way. WLS has such a negative stereotype attached to it. Just keep telling yourself that this is nothing to be ashamed of and you are NOT taking the "easy way out" like so many people think. WLS is hard work and requires a lifelong commitment. You should be proud of yourself for taking care of your health.

It's YOUR choice! Just like any private medical/personal decision it's all up to you. Some people have very supportive families and friends. Some people do NOT.  You either DO or you DON'T. Perhaps some have a few supporters and the rest naysayers. Some have ALL naysayers. Some have ALL supporters. I have a few supporters and many naysayers in my family. I told my parents--and though my father used to be nasty to me about my weight--he has softened in his aging years and grew more understanding (big shock btw). So I decided to tell him and my Stepmom. Both amazingly supportive. I did NOT tell any of my friends nor anyone I work with. I told my husband and my oldest daughter. That's it. The people I chose not to tell are either not close enough to me to deserve that level of intimate information--or they are toxic naysayers. I believe toxic naysayers are too detrimental to me personally and could have adversely impacted my weight loss and my maintenance so I kept them out of the loop and a few I have removed from my life. Toxicity is not welcome here. Other people are less sensitive to rude remarks and for them they can spill their beans and not care about cutting replies. I am not one of those people so I chose to do what was best for me. You do what is best for you. There is no right or wrong answer we can give you. Only you know yourself and what is best for you. If you feel that telling others will jeopardize your physical/mental well-being after surgery (which is already a difficult time as it is having had surgery) then don't. WLS is physical/mental/emotional and you must do what is right for you. Don't sell yourself short. Set yourself up for success the way you need to do it for you. Good luck and I understand where you are coming from 100%