A couple NSVs from today

Today at work, I had 2 patients that didn't recognize me. One said, "Are you new here?" And the other was trying to reference me, and I said, "that's me." She said "Oh my god, I didn't even know you!" She's a patient who had gastric bypass a little over a year ago, and I have passed her in weight loss! I feel bad for her weight plateauing (sort of - I know she's doing it to herself. She told me she eats popcorn all day) 20 lbs. from her pretty modest goal (to lose 100 lbs), but I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't proud of myself knowing that I have lost more than a bypass patient. 

I also had a coworker (who works at the company's corporate office) do a double take when she saw me. I could tell she knew I looked a lot different, but she said "I like your hair(?)" like she was settling on something but she wasn't sure that's what was different. 

In other news, I am approaching a couple of momentous loss numbers, but I'm feeling very ambivalent about them. I am 6 lbs. away from losing more than I've ever lost at one go before, and 12 lbs. from losing 100. As big a deal as i know this should be, it feels less special because I had gained back all the weight I lost before and then some, so even though I will have lost more than I ever have before, my weight will be higher than when I lost the last time. It makes it feel a lot less worth celebrating. I could always add in another milestone - passing the weight I was at when I lost 93 lbs. before, which will help break up the 32 more lbs. until onederland, but I can't get over this sick disappointment I'm associating with these numbers. Especially since the difference is only about 10 lbs (what's 10 lbs when you've lost 100, right?). Rationally, I know I'm not doing myself any favors and may even be hurting myself with these negative feelings, but I don't really know what to do to not beat myself up.

Congratulations on your NSV's. You're doing great so stop beating yourself up and focus on the positive! I really work hard on being as nice to myself as I would be to my best friend. It may sound hokey but having positive self-talk is really important.  Celebrating all of your milestones along the way is part of the fun on this sometimes trying journey!

Thanks. I know you're right, and I know how far I've come is a big deal. I've gotten to where I really do love myself, which was a pretty long and hard journey, but the one thing I still "hate" about myself is my body. I have a pretty awesome personality ;), but this body is not rockin'! I have started trying to prepare myself for my body not being what I want as I get slimmer because I know the skin is going to bring me down. 

Only problem with treating myself like I'd treat my best friend is I don't sugar coat things with her either. She wouldn't hang out with me if I did ;)

Well i have been following you and think you're doing fabulous. You're one of a handful that inspired me when i first started reading these forums! So thank you, and keep on keeping on. 

P.S. popcorn terrifies me because i can see myself like your friend. Popcorn is one of my favorite snacks. 

Oh my go****hank you! I think that's the best compliment I've ever received!

It's hard to get excited about the number on the scale when the picture in the mirror doesn't reflect what we expected so I understand how you're feeling.  My body doesn't even remotely resemble what it used to look like at this weight (oh so many years ago!) and it's tough...but I'm getting used to the "new" me.  

I have to focus on other goals:  sizes of clothes, body fat %, blood pressure and glucose numbers, measurements.  Those tell a much better story and are better markers of my success.  

Congrats on all your success - keep your chin up and continue working hard! :-)