How to cope with a loss after surgery

Hello everyone I had my surgery on 1/29/2014.  My stomach was soo sore and black and blue so far I;m just a couple weeks  post op.I  lost 12 pounds was up dated to creamy soups and greek yogurt.....Then my mother died and her wake was on Valentine Day, so Imade the trip  home for  the funeral.  Because my grief was so strong and on top of everything I came down with a horrible sinus infection.  So now all the energy I had to move forward with my new change I'm  unhappy.  I've been staying in bed because I have no energy my Doctor gave me something for the anxiety, but I'm just not motivated. I guess what I'm asking how do I go back to that joy of having my surgery? Pray for me  Thanks for the comments

Hi,

I am so sorry for your loss.  The grieving process is painful, but unfortunately, there is no way but to go thru it.  Allow yourself time to heal both from the surgery and the loss. I know it doesn't feel this way now, but you will feel better with time.

I have a friend who worked in hospice and she once told me something that helped me thru some tough losses.  She said that "Grieving is the process of going from a relationship of presence to a relationship of memory.  You no longer have the person present in your life,  but no one can take the love, the memories, the joy of the relationship from you.  The relationship still exists, just in another form.

I'll hold you in my prayers.

Carol

Carol,

what a beautiful quote and a very profound way of looking at it........

thanks for sharing.........

Thank you I arose this morning and let the sun in and put on some exercise music to get me back into the groove. I'm going to  take one day  at a time.  Thanks for your words of healing.  I think what bothers me the most is she was in denial about her diabetes and she took care of my dad more than her self.   Well I made the right decision to have the and I'm going  to fight to the end!  Thank you for praying for me .

leprowl2828

I'm so sorry for your loss.  My mother passed away 6 days before my 13th birthday. My father passed away when I was 27.  So I speak from the "losing a parent" experience.  Having to bury your parents is a hard thing to do.  Unfortunately, no one can tell you any magic words that will take the pain out of your heart right now.  Everyone on this board is here for you to support you and say the nice things to you, and I truly do hope you find some genuine comfort in that, but when you are by yourself with your thoughts, that's when you need to remember the people that are here for you.  As time goes by, I hope that you can embrace all aspects of life.  Even though my mother has been gone almost 30 years, I still try to make her proud every day.  My parents aren't on this earth anymore, but they are in my heart and my memories.  When my daughter got married a few weeks ago (she was only 5 when my father died), she told me that she hoped that my parents were happy about her wedding.  That's because they always live on in conversation, pictures, memories, etc.  You, too, will be able to get there one day, but you have to go through this shock, these immediate raw feelings first before you can get to that point.  You have to keep yourself healthy so that you can properly heal from this surgery so that when you make your post on here that you have reached your goal weight, you can also say, "I know my mother is so proud of me" My heart goes out to you.  We are all here for you.  

I am so grateful for this board it has been my life line of support, I have a best friend and she just breezes thru like nothing has happen so  I've  decided to ignore her phone calls. Right now I need to get over the shock and the pain.  So I've decided to get up and get back on track.  I'm sorry for your loss.  Thanks for  reaching out to me in this  difficult time!

leprowl2828 

I am so very sorry about the loss of your mother.  Time is a big help.  All of this is so new.  You will smile and be happy again.  It just seems far away.  For yourself, try to start following the steps to get your own health in order.  You will be able to cope better when you feel better.  If you need professional help and medication, go get it.  Many people need help at this time.  No one can take away your memories of love from your mother- let that love help you heal.

The words you are sharing with me is exactly what I did cause I was crying at the drop of hat due to my mother's death was revealed to me in a dream. I phoned my ex brother in law and he broke the news to me! I made it in time for everything So now I'm  ready to get back on track with my health. I really thank you for reaching out to me, please stay in touch

leprowl2828

THANK YOU, you are right my mom would want me to carry on and now she's at peace so I must continue on with my journey.  Thanks for your words of wisdom.  I'm happy for you let's keep in touch ok again thank you

leprowl2828