what to tell the kids
I'm on a roll for questions today! I have two step kids that live with my husband and I. the girl is 13 and the boy is 11. tthese k kids have been through allot. they lost their mom unexpectedly to a heart attack a little over a year ago. we have gone through an array of struggles to get where we are. iI have just recently began building a bond with them. they were angry at me because they thought I was trying to replace their mom. I haven't told them that I am having the surgery. tthey go to their grandparents (their mom's parents). every other weekend. it always. seems to be a "report to grammar everything we know" situation. the grandparents don't care for my husband and I to have the kids. they wanted custody when their daughter passed. so I haven't said anything to the kids and I am worried that it would only be fuel to the fire and I don't want the grandparents to use my choices as something to paint a negative image of me to the kids. wwe are finally building a bond and I don't want it to be ruined. I have told a small hand full of people. my husband, mom, sister, step dad, and a neighbor. aactually I didn't tell the neighbor, my husband did. she is an older lady and has had the surgery. we are very close to her and my husband approached her with a few questions about the surgery. a few days ago my husband was at her house with the kids and she asked my husband if I knew when my surgery was he said no and then the kids raised question why I was having surgery. my husband told them everything is up in the air and the subject was dropped. tthe 13 year old asked me about it the other day and I told her that it wasnt a good time to talk about it as we had company and she had a friend over. she said OK. I know I have to address this, but how do I explain this so they understand and don't take off to the grandparents house with a news flash?
If you're trying to build that bond with them I would suggest you tell them the truth. Let them know this is something very personal and you're only sharing with a few trusted people that you are close to. They will eventually find out and I think they would feel excluded that they didnt know but neighbors did. I think this a perfect opportunity to let them know that you love and trust them with this info. There is a chance they do tell their grandparents, but who cares let them say or criticize you all they want. The important thing is the bond and trust you're establishing with your stepkids.
I have stepkids too and their mom and her family hate me, they have nothing nice to say about me. Now that my stepkids are older they can make their own decision on how they feel about me. They look back and see the negativity from their mom and see that I have never once said anything negative about their mother and they really respect and appreciate that from me. We have a great relationship.
Not sure how, but treat it like a simple procedure aka a MRI, an endoscopy, a PCP Visit, and oh a quick bariactric surgery with an x-ray in the morning. That's all this is really.
It's just that everybody gets all worked up because its: (a) surgery and (b) an overnight stay. So therefore it must be like totally serious right? Nope. Relatively speaking this is a simple procedure.
I don't want to sound like I'm underselling the skill (or risk) involved here, but as surgeries go, this is not open heart surgery, and it's not weeks long chemotherapy or cancer. This is a corrective procedure that will improve the rest of your life.
So, I guess my advice is just downplay it.
HW: 255 (6/5/13), SW: 240 (6/19/13), CW: 169 (9/16/14)
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M8-10: Skinny Maintenance (10k Training) M11-13: On Break
M14+: **CROSSTRAINING FOR ALL AROUND FITNESS**
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You do not have to tell ANYONE what kind of surgery you are having. If the kids or the grandparents press, tell them it's a "female" thing, I bet that will get their noses out of your butt real quick. You can still build bonds without having to spill the details of your medical procedure. Good luck!
Rhiannon VSG 12/18/13 ~ Mo 1 -35lbs ~ Mo 2 -15lbs ~ Mo 3 -13lbs ~ Mo 4 -8lbs ~ Mo 5 -9lbs ~ Mo 6 -6lbs ~ Mo 7 -8lbs
If we all liked the same things, what fun would life be?
Since they can likely see that you are overweight and they will see that your eating will change, it is best to be honest. Kids today are smarter than we think and 11yo and a 13yo can handle a factual discussion about a surgery.
Show them a diagram of what you are having done (not a video), explain the process, explain why you are doing it.
If the grandparents give you a hard time - a simple answer of "I am trying to be a healthy and set a good example of self-care for the kids - I chose to have this surgery as a tool to use to get to a healthier weight".
This is a POSITIVE change - own it and explain it to the kids.
5'-8",HW 347,SW329,M1-25 M2-17 M3-11 M4-13 M5-14 pregnant-->
Do yourself a favor and bond with those kids BY telling them. Tell them you WANT to be there for them, which is why you want to have this surgery. That you are doing this for your family because you want to make sure you're around for all of them. I think they're old enough to understand and may appreciate you including them in the news. Keeping big secrets from kids is difficult for them, especially if they're starting to bond with you... good luck! :)
Highest weight: 389 Weight at day of surgery: 370 Surgery Date: 2/19/14
on 2/25/14 5:54 am
I think you need to tell them.What they might think you are having done maybe worse than telling them the truth.Kids are smart and we think they aren't listening but they always are. I think if you didn't tell them they would be upset at you and your husband.Best Wishes.
Wow! I am a stepchild and I have never felt accepted by my stepmother and I even lived with my dad and her for years. My first instinct is to set down with them and be honest and that you are only sharing with a few people because some tend to overreact. The thing is that they are old enough to understand what is going on and that you will be losing weight and you will not be able to do certain things for while. If you truly want to bond with them on their level then keep it on their level but let them know you are doing this because you want to be more healthy and be around to see them graduate and to play with their kids. You need to be prepared that they are probably going to tell their grandparents whether purposely or accidently. Be honest and let them know why you are going to do it. The thing is that if you do not address it quickly they are going to start talking to the grandparents about you having surgery and then that will open a new can of worms.
well, I talked with the kids over my days off. they took it well and it was easier to explain than I thought it would be. the eleven year old boy told me that he is glad I am doing my best to be healthy because he can't handle losing me after already losing his mom. this kid has a heart of gold. the thirteen year old girl initially said she wanted a surgery so she would lose weight too. until I explained it to her more in depth, then she said she is just going to do her best to get to a healthy weight with me. so all the good food choices I am adapting and exercise as well, we are going to do it as a family. I want to say thank you all for taking the time to help me through one of my first struggles. I do not have children of my own yet and have only been step mom for six months, so this whole patenting thing is new to me.
