What others think...

I am not sure why what others might think bothers me.  I don't want to care but I do :(.  Even though I know mist people don't get it, I know this is the right choice for.  My surgery date is in 12 days.  I have told some people, kind of as a "need to know" basis...  It's my first year at my new job.  I will be out for two weeks.  I know people will talk when I am out, and when I come back losing weight, etc.  But why do I care?  I have a great close support system.  My husband, mom, and some very good friends do "get it" and I am fortunate for thar.  So why is it that I care what others who are not as close think?  One person I told because I felt I needed to kind of made me feel bad about my choice. " does your dr approve of this?".  Like missing work for this reason isn't good. Right there I knew this person doesn't understand me, the process, or WHY I am doing this.  It's more than a cosmetic choice and I don't like feeling like I have to explain myself.  I hide my 120 lbs of overweight-ness well.  But nonetheless I am morbidly obese.  I am not telling many people which kind of feels good, but then NOT telling people makes me feel guilty too?!  Wow...that turned into a therapy session! Give me what you got VSGers!

I never told anyone at work.  I had surgery on a Tuesday and was back at work the following Monday and people figured I took a few vacation days.  They did not notice the weight loss until I was close to goal and then when they asked I told them about the surgery.  One said something like, "You were always an extremest about everything".  Others asked a few polite questions and then forgot about it.

The less you discuss with people the better.

In the end, you're doing this for YOU, not for anyone else. So beyond what YOU think of having surgery, nothing else matters. Now, don't get me wrong. Having a support system in the people around you is VERY important, but you aren't going to get 100% support from 100% of the people that you tell. Just the other day, I told my best friend's father (who was my campus minister in college and is like a 2nd dad to me). He hadn't seen me in about 6 months or more and asked how I'd lost so much weight. When I said that I'd had surgery, his response was a very condescending, "Well... THAT'll do it."

You can't know how people will react unless you tell them, so it's a matter of deciding if you want to risk any backlash and tell everyone, or come up with some sort of half-truth (i.e. "I stopped eating carbs") to use when people ask. Because they WILL ask. I've decided that I'm going to just be honest and let the chips fall where they may. I don't exactly wear a sign around my neck, but I don't hesitate to talk about it freely.

It's like you said. You're morbidly obese. You may THINK that you hide it well, but you'll laugh at yourself for saying that once 50-60 pounds are gone and you look back at old photos of yourself. I thought the same thing. One person, years ago, told me that I carried my weight well and I took that to mean that I didn't look fat. The truth? Now that 100+ pounds are gone, I scroll back through old Facebook photos and cringe at how badly I stood out against my "normal weight" friends. People see that you're overweight and they will also see when you're thin. The best way that I have found to battle the "cosmetic choice" mentality is my answer when people tell me, "You are getting so skinny!" or "You are looking so good!" - My response: "Thanks. I feel good. I haven't felt this good in years." People will catch on that you were miserable before and they will get behind you and your new healthy lifestyle. Anyone who doesn't is a closed-minded twit... Just saying ;)

Best of luck, hon. The next 12 days will fly by before you know it!

Thank you.  So what I needed to hear!

When I was banded, I told some people at my new job because I was having to visit the toilet if my band reacted to something I had eaten and everyone noticed. 

But at the end of the day, the people who didn't or don't really care about me are the very ones who, when I was hired in (to ANY job over the years), quickly decided to get a group together to lose weight and made it an office thing.  They are the ones who look at me and say "I need to lose a few or I will look like "that"!"

I think everyone has made good points.  It's time for you to do what you feel best doing because this is your journey.  I told everyone and tell everyone still.  It's just my way.  It felt weird at first but now I'm used to it.  No matter what, I think that you'll care less about what people think of your choice after the fact.  I know I do (care less that is).  Good luck!!

"Does your Doctor approve of this?" Did you keep a straight face because I would have totally laughed. It's MAJOR surgery done by a board certified specialist surgeon. So, yeah. Doctor approved LOL

Here's something that some people haven't had to deal with: Medical insurance if you are unemployed or your employer doesn't offer it is expensive. I was the primary caregiver from my grandmother in her final years of struggling with Alzheimer's. It was a full time job, no days off. I qualified for medical insurance with the state I lived in. When grandma passed away, I tried to get insurance. No one would touch me, even with a 10k a year deductible. NO INSURANCE COMPANY WOULD INSURE ME NO MATTER WHAT.  I was obese..my BMI was 47.  I was told to get down to 220 lbs and then they would take my money but only with a 10k deductible. 

I was a self pay. I'm not sure how that's going to shake out in the medical insurance market yet..are they going to ding me for having the surgery and consider me a high risk or what? 

My point is this..if god forbid something happens to your job or your medical insurance, good luck paying for COBRA and insurance shopping because no one will touch you until you are considerably lighter. 

Also, really. Screw that lady. It's a health issue, not some kind of narcissistic pursuit of perfection. Rant over. 

12 more days!  WHOO-HOO!  You're going to LOVE your sleeve. It's an amazing tool and a life changer 

You can't fix dumb.  But don't spend time worrying - that just makes you dumber!

If you were having your appendix out, would you try to hide it?  How about your gall bladder?  Just like these surgeries, WLS is a medically approved, although elective, treatment for a medical issue.  

I told almost everyone; truth be told, most didn't care either way.  Some asked me questions (you know they were thinking about surgery options too), and yes, some were just dumb.  If I heard a "helpful" suggestion like "you should do it through diet and exercise", my response was simply "thanks for the feedback".  If another overweight person said it and I didn't like them very much, I'd say "how's that working for you?".  

Chin up buttercup - the people on OH know the score and will cheer you on!

Thank you :).  And the "elective" part is where it gets tricky.  But I have used the gallbladder comparison before.  Either live with the pain of gallstones or elect to have it out and fix the pain.  Same thing for wls!  Thanks for the reminder.

"If another overweight person said it and I didn't like them very much, I'd say "how's that working for you?".  "

GIRL.

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