2 yr update

I've been writing this post in my head for weeks and it's still just a bunch of ramblings but oh well!

My story is the same as many of us.  Fat all my life, hated to exercise, tried every diet, scale up and down, pregnancies = more weight, etc, etc.  Finally got my **** together and had surgery in March of 2011 which was 2 months before my 45th birthday.  I stuck to the 600-800 cal low carb (tried for under 40 but a lot of times came in at 60), worked out (walk at home, WW punch, and Biggest Loser dvds) 5-6x a week and hit my initial goal of 125 in around 8 mo.  I got down to 119 and was shooting for 115 when it all derailed.

Like many others, I slowly let trigger foods back in with the thought that I can handle just a bite or two.  People were saying how tiny I was (I'm only 4' 11") and it's ok to indulge once in awhile.  Well, that backfired!  The last time I weighed 119 was March of last year and as of last week I was back to 136.  A lot of this came back on during the holidays but even though I would start each day off on plan, it would all fall to **** by late afternoon so it's still on.

All I ever wanted was to be a normal person.  Normal in size but also normal in that I didn't obsess about when and where I was going to eat next and who was watching how much and what I'm eating. No more standing in my pantry and sneaking handfuls of chips and then moving onto cookies then the semi sweet morsels for baking! Yes, these are issues that need to be worked out with help.  I really thought I could do it on my own and part of me is still hoping to. I don't obsess about food anymore so that's a step in the right direction!

Two more things and I'll quit my ramblings if you're still with me!.  I did learn that what I thought normal people do food wise is not true.  I just always assumed that those lucky *****es eat whatever they want.  I used to go to lunch everyday with a girl who was a size 0 who ate a Big Mac, fries and a coke or something similar everyday.  Turns out, she's not the norm and mos****ch during the week and then indulge a bit on the weekend.  I wish I'd known that years ago!

I saw my metabolic doctor last week and we had a great discussion about my weight gain and things I could do to stop the afternoon food fests.  He put me on Topomax which is a migraine med but one of the side effects is weight loss.  Whether it's from the pills or just in my head, I don't know (or care!) because it works and I'm down 3 lbs this week and I'm so motivated again!  That is what I really needed.  Something to get the ball rolling again. I know it's just a tool like the surgery but this time when I hit my goal (which is just the 125 again), I'm going to do it right. Add a piece of fruit not junk to maintain.  

And finally, as a way to remind me how far I've come and where I don't want to be again, I got my first (and last!) tattoo!  I got my highest weight inked on the inside of my wrist last night.  I have no idea how to add an image so I'll try to get it on my profile at some point.

My profile is open so feel free to check out the few pictures I have on there!

Wow! You go, girl! Hang in there, and remember that falling off your plan was just that--falling off--and that means you can get right back on as you are.

I love the idea of tatooing your HW on your wrist in a way that I've never ever been interested in getting a tatoo before. Mine would be 310. I will definitely have to think about that for myself :)

I can't take credit for the idea. I read it on here a long time ago and never forgot about it.  I still can't believe I actually did it!

I just love you Fran, I always have.  You've been a huge supporter of me.  You and I have a lot in common, obviously!!!

Great thing about the both of us is that we are both still fighting the good fight.  We are not giving up, no siree!!!

You are still ahead of the game with your way of thinking.  Let that 3 pound loss be a reminder that this can & will be done!!!

Congrats on your tattoo.  You placed it somewhere where it will serve as a constant reminder of the former you.  Now onward and upward!

Keep going my friend!!!

You know I love you too, Jenn!  Every time I reach for something I will see that number so hopefully it will stop me if it's not on my plan! 

Like you said, we can't give up and just got to keep fighting!! 

The part you wrote about wanting to be a "normal person" really struck me.  That and what you always believed about the way skinny people ate.  

I've really been watching skinny women and how they eat and they DO eat differently.  That woman who eats the Big Mac, fries, etc.?  She may be the exception to the rule OR it may be the only meal she eats all day long.  A lot of my skinny friends don't eat 3 times a day.  Other skinny women observations:  they don't clean their plates, they pass up on dessert or actually take "one bite" , they don't snack between meals, and they stop eating after the evening meal.  They also tend to avoid white carbs like the plague!  

When I was fat I had my head so buried in the food that I didn't notice how different these skinny people were.  Now I'm trying to adopt these behaviors but it's definitely a challenge.

Thanks for continuing to fight the good fight and post your thoughts on here - appreciate it!  

Tracy,

I remember from one of my many times doing Weigh****chers that the leader said to watch and do what the skinny people do.  Of course, I could never do that for long!  And obviously, I still have problems with changing my behaviors but I'm trying!!  

I am loving your tattoo idea!  I'm gonna seriously consider that for myself.  Glad you are back on track, and best of luck to you in reaching and maintaining your goal.  I am sure you will succeed!

Thanks for your confidence and support!!!

Great post and it sounds so very familiar, you just didn't let it go for as long or as far as I did....good for you for catching yourself and recognizing what you needed to do to get yourself back on track :)