Started the process

So, i've seen my friends amazing journey with the sleeve, I quit smoking just so I could have surgery and then I let my family talk me out of it.  Now, 2.5 years later, I scheduled appts and went to the doctor and am now on my way.  My weight is 300 pounds - never thought I'd say that in public.  I'm diabetic, have high blood pressure, high cholestoral, severe depression at times and the worst is I'm ashamed of myself.  I don't go places and do things because I don't want to try to squeeze into chairs that don't fit, feel like people are staring at me, etc.  I have to do 3 months of physican supervised weight loss and then my surgery will hopefully be in November.   And I'm doing this all without telling anyone other than my 15 year old son. 

So, my questions are:

1.  Do you ever get over that "i'm too fat" feeling?? 

2.  Has anyone else felt like their family sabatoged their plans? 

3.  Can I do this without family support?  They don't live nearby, it's just me and my son - but do you find yourself calling your sisters/mother/etc to discuss things related to your surgery??  My family is very close and we talk about everything.  I just don't want to hear all the negatives....

1.  Before surgery - ALL THE TIME.  I was too fat for everything and I felt just awful about my weight.  I've lost 100lbs now and that has certainly diminished quite a bit.  Now, I sometimes surprise myself when I pass a mirror.  I think I look sexy in certain dresses.  I still have days where I get the "I'm too fat" feeling but they are less and less frequent.

2.  I never felt like my family sabatoged my plans.  They were supportive as best they could be.  I am sorry that your family isn't the same but maybe they are doing it out of love and concern.  Perhaps a major surgery is scary for them.  That doesn't make it easier for you but something to think about.  Maybe the more you talk about the benefits and the low rates of complications, they will come to accept it.

3.  I had support from friends and I talked about my surgery with them.  I talked about it with my family.  But, I could have easily done it without them being nearby.  It might be nice for your son to have some support, too, though. 

1.  I am already getting over it.  (275 and size 20 now and I fit in places a LOT better already)

2.  My husband was supposed to have WLS first, so I waited for him to go, and I waited, and I waited...he never submitted his paperwork to get started so after I weaned my 2nd baby, I went ahead and took care of myself.  He is also not great about bringing snacks into the house.  I have to re-remind him every week that he needs to keep his snacks elsewhere (or better yet, don't buy them b/c he shouldn't be eating them either).

3.  Yes - you can do this on your own to an extent (I only really needed someone to watch my kids part-time for the 2 days I was in the hospital b/c my husband wanted to be there on surgery day and visit me in the hospital) - BUT I think it is a bit irresponsible to go into elective surgery w/o telling someone who would act as your son's guardian should something happen to you.  You need to plan more for his well-being in case you are not able to leave the hospital as planned.  Will he be staying home alone while you are in the hospital? (I had a 2 night stay and my procedure went perfectly - my friend also had the VSG and needed a 4 night stay due to dehydration issues.)  Who will be taking care of your son?  That adult who is responsible for your son at least needs to know you are having surgery (you don't have to disclose what kind of surgery).

Also - asking a 15yo to keep your surgery a secret if people start pestering him about it and be your sole support person may be too much pressure on him.  I would suggest you find an in-person support group or a counselor who specializes in bariatric issues to have as a real support person so your son can be 15 and not have to worry about your health and emotional concerns regarding your weight.

You can totally do this, but it would be a good idea to have a responsible adult aware of the fact that you are having surgery even if you don't tell them what kind of surgery it is. 

Trust me, my son is and will be taken care of. And of course the people he will be staying with know what's going on. I've been a single parent since the day he was born so when it comes to my son I'm very cognizant of what needs to be done.

Maybe I stated that poorly - I'm not telling anyone in my family what I'm doing.  I have a few friends who know and are supportive. 

3. Prior to surgery, I only told the people that I knew would supportive. A few weeks after surgery, I told my everyone else. I wanted to present it as a done deal so that I wouldn't have to deal with the naysayers.

Hey there!

1. For me, I think it took longer for my mind to shed this feeling than it took for my body to lose the weight, but it does get better...so much better. Now sometimes I see my before picture and it is surprising even to me and it wasn't that long ago.

I remember that I used to get nervous before flights wondering if I'd be able to buckle the seat belt or if the people in the boarding gate were looking at me, hoping they wouldn't be seated next to me...that doesn't happen anymore.

I remember not being able to go horseback riding once because I was over the weight limit...that doesn't happen anymore.

I remember shopping with friends or family and just waiting for them, feeling awkward, while they looked through the "normal" size stores...that doesn't happen anymore.

And there are a bunch of things in that list...

I will say that it's not suddenly magically perfect and I have a lot of loose skin that gets to me sometimes (I wish I could wear short dresses without needing tights and I swim in board shorts), but even with that things are so much better this way.

2. You know my family was too far away to actively sabotage my plans. I think my family was skeptical, especially because I was a revision (!!) but they sort of gave me the, "are you sure???" and were eventually supportive.

3. If you don't have the support from your family or want to keep it quiet from them, you can find other outlets for support. I'm sure your son would be supportive of anything you do to improve your health. I found this forum was a great place for support and I connected with several people here who were really key to keeping me on the path in tougher times. When I was there, I know there was a support group that met at the hospital. And (DUH!) you have me!

So what are the specifics of the supervised diet? Your timing of this post is kind of funny because with my move, wedding, and a vacation, I am wanting to get back to better eating and get off some pounds this summer and find a gym in our new town. So, this will be our summer to focus on our health.

I will tell you that I used to be envious of people on here who lost weight prior to their surgery. I feel like it will just get you that much closer to your goal post-op. Trust me, your post-op self will be so thankful for any of the pounds you can shed before November.

Speaking of November, I can tell you there are some unique challenges to being so newly post-op during the holiday season, but it's also a great time because you are likely to be laser focused on your goal during this time.

Anyway, I wish you the best and I'm always here if you need anything.

Lindsey

Girl, you've got this on your own. I have certain family members who are selfish and unsupportive. I joined this community for support along my journey as well as close friends and local support groups for WLS. 

You're going to be fine and will do amazing!