self sabotage

I think I'm sabotaging myself I'm still pre-op and  I'm in the weight management phase and was told by my doctor I can't gain weight or my insurance will not approve my surgery but I feel like I've been doing everything to gain weight....but at the same time I keep doing things to get ready for the surgery... My brain is throwing me mixed signals....

I understand exactly what you are saying. I started seeing a therapist a month before my surgery and am now seeing her every week. She has given me some things to try to help me with self-sabotage, and some non-food-related issues.