Nosy People!!

Tomorrow I am 12 weeks post op VSG  Initially I had no questions or comments from family or friends regarding my eating habits/portions/food choices.  Well - that has changed and now I feel watched and judged on my portions.  It is my choice not to share my decision for getting sleeved and I don't feel that I owe anyone an explanation,however, it still is on my mind and I feel like co-workers, extended family and friends are monitoring me and now they are commenting on my appearance changes....can someone share how they dealt with this constant feeling of judgment and scrutiny.  I act strong but honestly I fear it is going to get worse before it gets better and I need find a way to not let it bother me....

I want to focus on my weight loss (45.8 pounds) and not feel insecure or under survellience! 

I ignored other people's rude behavior. They'll get over it.

This is one of the reasons I've been open about surgery, it's so much easier to deal with stuff like this.  

You could consider not eating with these people anymore.  

You could also work on developing a script to handle things.  Captain Awkward recommends something along the lines of "you know, talking about my eating habits is really boring, how about [insert subject here]."  And every time you get grilled about how you eat - you repeat the script.  Every single time.  Eventually it'll sink in.  

(And, honestly, if you have friends and family who are food police, it's not like telling them about WLS would change that.  It might just make it worse.)

Thank you!  It is good advise!

I have kept my surgery quiet, so I have a few lines that I use. One thing that I am sticking with is this idea of doing "micro meals" and telling people I'm slimming and just trying to eat small portions to "shrink my stomach" ... people seem to buy it.

Or if people seem incredulous and say "is that ALL you're going to eat?!" I say "Yup, I'm obviously not the worlds fattest anorexic so I'm not going to fade away"

I've also said "I'm trying to lose weight and I don't want to hear opinions on it" when people are grinding my gears.

My brother is a personal trainer, and my workmates know that, but they don't know him, so I tell people I am working with him with meal planning. And I tell people I'm doing the ketogenic diet, and make a joke of saying they are ketogenophobic if they try offer me junk food.

Yes, that includes some white lies but I don't really mind that so much. I also have considered telling people I've already eaten before going to functions etc but so far haven't had to pull that out yet.

It was my decision to keep this between my husband and myself.  I have no plans to share this info with anyone as I don't feel it is here business.  Thank you for sharing :)

I only told immediate family members and my in-laws. It drove me nuts that for all of the family functions for at least 9 months the topic of conversation was my weight, what I was eating, etc. That was easier to take though, because for sure it was coming from a place of love on their part. They truly wanted to help and my usually difficult mother-in-law would go WAY out of her way to make sure that there were food options that worked for me. Work, on the other hand, was a clustermuck. I did not tell them and my eating habits were very obviously changing. The difference for me though is people naturally associated it with my cancer status, so most were way too uncomofortable to approach me about it. Those who did I simply explained I was doing a high protein diet per the docs recommendation, and that yes indeed I was losing weight. I normally would not tell them number, but rather just shrug it off and say a lot. I had one woman who practically stalked me about it, and she really did **** me off. She would discuss it when I wasn't in the lunch room, in the lunch room, pretty much whereever she could. She even called my house to speak to my younger daughter (a former student of hers) about it. I was super pissed to say the least. In the end though, it will eventually stop. Just stay completely focused on you and your goals, and remember that they do not control how you feel- you do. If you are feeling judged, try to reframe your position. Force yourself to focus on all of the little improvements, set small incremental goals, etc. At the end of the day I think you will find that most all folks truly want you to be healthy and the nutjobs who don't just are not worth your time. 

Thank you so much for sharing.  I only wish my family would be as supportive but that is not the case.  I will make an effort to stay focused on my goals...

I have found by being open about my WLS,  people are curious about the process and very supportive. I really couldn't care less if they ask me how much I eat.  Be secure in your decision to have the surgery. 

In fact, I use the opportunity to educate people about the process and that it is not an easy thing to do.  My success has taken a lot of work and I explain that.

I really could not expect people to not be curious or concerned when I lost 130 lbs in 8 months.  Especially people of size.

Thanks for your reply.  I am happy that your experience to be open about your choice to have surgery is working for you.  For me, however, I have no desire to share what I consider to be a very personal and private decision.  I didn't go into this unprepared...I am just a bit surprised by the comments on my food choices and portions from others that really have no business asking.