Just some thoughts...

life has been good since surgery... It's one of the best things in my life right now. I'm eating healthier than ever before, clothes are fitting better, self-confidence is rising... The only thing is that I'm lonelier than ever. My friends are mostly overweight if not obese. We are all foodies... There's not much we can do together since everything around here is centered around food. Some of my "friends" have dropped off the face of the earth since I had surgery. I also can no longer rely on food, cigarettes or alcohol to comfort myself... I miss it... I would never do anything to undo all this hard work. I also worked too hard for insurance approval to f--- it all up... Anyone out there going through the same?

As with alcoholics and drug addicts, some of your previous friend relationships will change.  You don't share the same addictions... I mean hobbies anymore.

Some of your friends will be threatened or jealous of your weight loss if they also have weight issues.  There's nothing you can do to fix other people.

You're right, however, while I'm not exactly interested in changing them, going through the change of slowly losing them is depressing. The old Sharlene would have binged to comfort herself and that's simply not an option anymore and I don't know what to do.

Is there anything that you can do together that isn't centered around food? You might have to take more control over what you eat around them, be more picky,not sure you can still be a foodie, but I know that Chef Graham from that Masterchef show had vsg surgery & he is still a chef & is still a judge on that show. I hope you can figure something out, but true friends will still try to keep you in their lives, if not, you may have to let them go.

Thanks for that! Didn't know that about chef graham!

He was a guest speaker at the obesity help conference last year, his segment I think was on you tube. There might be a link somewhere on this site. Try pm the moderator, she might find it for you if you want to watch.

I went through the same struggles as you.  I quit smoking way before I decided to have WLS but giving up alcohol and going out to eat were harder to give up.  But now that I'm nearly 6 months out I realized that I don't have to fully give up on everything I did pre surgery.  I still go out to eat with my friends and my boyfriend but now I make smarter choices and make sure to only eat around 3 ounces and bring the rest home.  We used to have a lot of social gatherings at my place with food, alcohol, and card games.  I still have people over but I just don't partake in the alcohol.  Yes I have had a glass or 2 since surgery but I mainly steer clear since it's a slippery slope for me.  We can't expect our friends to change their lives just because we decided to change ours.  But we can adapt and learn how to make smarter choices while still doing the same things we used to do.  Who knows maybe seeing you eating healthy will influence your friends to do the same!

I had my surgery on New Year's Eve this year and my birthday is this Sunday.  Usually for birthday's in our family, it's a time to go out to dinner to celebrate.  I have NO IDEA what to do for my birthday this year since I'm still on the liquid phase of my post-op diet.  There are times where I really want some yummy goodness but I know I would be only hurting myself if I were to indulge.  You are NOT alone in having a lot of things centered around food. 

First off, in defense of those with friends who have undergone wls, I think it is so hard for them to truly understand what has happened. All they see is their friend can no longer eat and is losing weight at a consistently and alarmingly rapid rate. I think all this results in feelings of resentment envy and jealousy and even self awareness for our friends. They may feel left behind, knowing that you will soon be thin and become more confident. This may cause them to feel as if you will soon be abandoning them for other or thinner friends as you yourself become what some of my older friends used to refer to as "one of those skinny girls" (I still don't get what they meant by this lol). When I first had lap band surgery several years ago, I quickly lost many so-called "friends". They couldn't stand to see me losing weight or displaying so much discipline/self-control and healthier choices whenever we are together.  I felt as if I was a freak of nature being ogled and examined by them! Constantly! They would just stare at me each time I ate or tried on clothes or spoke to others when we went out. It was as if they were waiting, looking for something to happen. What that was, I have no idea. They would make sarcastic comments about the small amounts I was eating. I honestly think I became a constant reminder to them of just how much they ate and weighed and the choices they should have been making but didn't have the willpower to make. Heck, I was only able to do so because of my wls! There was a lot of negativity. And I didn't need to be around that. I had to cut them off (some actually cut ME off), and we still aren't friends to this day. Some just took a break away from me, and once they saw that although I changed physically, my personality and attitude NEVER changed. I was the same old friend I had always been. Although I missed some of those who left for good, I got over it fairly quickly and figured they were obviously not my true friends anyway. My TRUE friends stuck around. They didn't necessarily agree with my decision to have wls, but they weren't negative about it, and didn't abandon me. If you're feeling overly lonely, you may want to check out meetup.com (if offered in your area). There are all kinds of groups on there (healthy eating, fitness, book clubs, new in town, etc.). They may have groups for wls patients as well. I'm sure that would be a great way of finding new friends, ones who can relate to what you are experiencing. Hope this helps ☺️

Do you belong to a gym? Maybe you could join one and just get out, be around people, exercise off the lonely feelings, possibly meet new people... if nothing else, put on your headphones with great music and de-stress. Just a few suggestions! Wishing the best for you!