Spouse Support

Hello Everyone-

I have recently been researching and think I have made the decision to go with weightloss surgery to help me overcome new health issues. My question or issue is that I can't seem to get my husband on board with me.

My husband works in a hospital ICU department and due to HIPPA he can't not disclose specifics but says he has treated patients that have had complications from WLS. I don't know if it is sleeve patients or bypass patients, or something else. He had made it very clear that he does not want me to have the surgery and that he does not see the benefits out weighing the risks.

I told him that I have done research on the risks and I believe that if I don't do something to change my lifestyle I will not be here to see our children graduate high school or to enjoy all the fun things we have planned for retirement in 30 years! He has asked me to come to the hospital and join him in the medical library so he can show me the real statistics in the scholarly journals. I have told him I that I would read the articles but I am not sure if they would change my decision.

My husband also says that he believes I can loose the weight without surgery and he would be willing to work with me at non surgical options. I strongly disagree with him on this because I have tried and I may loose 25 to 50 pounds but then I gain it back and plus some. This suggestion is coming from a man who runs 8 miles every day on his days off. I myself workout but I can't even run a mile. I have agreed to work with him on cleaning eating in our household. I feel this will help me prepare for the pre-op diet and post-op diet.

I have also invited my husband to attend the consultations with the two doctors that I am considering. I am not sure what else I can do to help my husband feel more comfortable about this journey with weightloss.

Has anyone else had a spouse that was not on board because of the medical risks? Has anyone had a spouse that works in the medical field and was on board with the surgery?

I appreciate any insight you might have. Thanks!!!

Hi BankerBethany,

We just had a discussion about this same subject on the main forum. Here is the link: we hope this helps

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/5372212/Any-kind-of-s upport-will-do/

Regards,

Kathy

Member Services

Kathy that link is not working.

Well heck, let's try this again...sorry

Any kind of support will do

I will report this to the IT Team, sorry about that. Go to the main forum and it's the thread with the subject line "Any kind of support will do"

Thank you- I will check it out.

Hi,

I think people who work in IC units see only the worst cases. I do know that if there is a leak, it is serious, and it can require a significant time in the hospital. But leaks are rare. In my program, they had one leak in three years with multiple doctors doing the surgery regularly. It is a risk, and it is not fun if it happens to you. But chances are that you will sail thru.

Being morbidly obese is not fun, and is a worse fate than the risk of the complications. Weight loss surgery is the only treatment that works. It is not a cure. It requires diligent attention to our eating, but it makes weight loss possible.

I've lost 225 pounds. I'm at a normal weight and I've been maintaining at goal for over a year. It saved my life.

You may be different, but I know for me, there was no way I could maintain the weight loss without the surgery. I know from decades of failed diets. If you want the surgery, get the surgery.

best wishes,

Carol

Thanks Carol! I agree with you- the ICU staff sees the worst of the worst. I definitely could not do what he does everyday.

I know he is just worried about me and can't imagine life without me but in many ways I feel like life without surgery will increase my risk for early death due to health issues.

I also can relate to the failed diets- I think I have about tried them all and not one has given me sustained weightloss.

Thanks again for your input.

My spouse didn't have those particular issues.

But, I also work in the medical field and have personally known patients with terrible complications that were apparently directly related back to original WLS. (This is in the opinion of their MDs, not my opinion.)

But, I also know that there are a LOT of patients out there that have done great with WLS and the only way I know they had it is when I happen to see it on a problem list.

I never wanted to have WLS because it just seems smart to keep things simple and do it on my own. But, it became increasingly clear that statistics were not on my side whether we were talking about the odds of regain or if we are talking about the consequences of carrying 200plus pounds around.

Perhaps you can make a deal with your husband. You will go to the medical library and he can show you his evidence. Take a copy of it. His part of the deal is that he goes to your consultation so that the doctors can give him additional information. Give the doctors you are seeing a heads up that you have a worried spouse with a medical background and perhaps even a copy of the studies that your husband is referencing. They will know how to discuss this with him in a manner that he is used to in his job. If this isn't a private consultation (where you have one-on-one time) then perhaps your primary care doc could help.

Best of luck!

Thank you, these a good suggestions. I wish that the doctors that deemed the complications from WLS would also investigate if the person had followed the plan. My guess is that if one does not follow the plan the risk for complications increases! Thanks again!!