greensleeved
The indignities of obesity - warning rant, TMI, language
Jul 24, 2014
As I sit here 2 weeks post op, sick of liquids, sick of feeling weird, sick of wanting real food, I just had a moment of clarity in my perspective that reminded me why I did this to myself. Everyone talks about body image, but few people get down to the nitty gritty of what it means to be 100+ lbs overweight. These are just some of the indignities of obesity.
I just put on underwear after showering and realized they are from the same pack I bought a few months ago. When I tried to wear them then they rolled down my stomach's inner tube and settled on my thighs. They were the biggest size the store had and they were too small. I had to walk around one day basically commando because they kept sliding. And since when does underwear come in "packs" anyway? Where are the cute, well-made, flattering panties over a size 20? Maybe Lane Bryant. But if you are not just plus sized but morbidly obese you had better just settle for something that doesn't end up around your ankles. And once you size out of Lane Bryant - forget it. You don't exist. Your ass becomes something to hide under yards of white cotton or infantile prints with cartoon puppies. Ever seen a size 32 thong? Or even granny panties with some black lace? Me either.
So the bathroom thing. How many times have I been in a public bathroom where I could not adequately wipe myself because the damn stall was too narrow? Who designs those torture chambers anyway? Obviously it's a skinny man who never has had to SIT on a toilet, because if he had he wouldn't put the steel box for feminine products right at hip level. So much fun getting poked by that shit! I'm going to design a female centric women's bathroom and make billions of dollars. And forget trying to get a Summer's Eve wipe under your apron of a stomach to get rid of the crotch odor that seems to linger even immediately after a shower. I've also got obesity related incontinence, the worst case of which resulted in my pulling over on the side of the highway because I couldn't make it to the exit, falling because my thighs weren't strong enough to squat, and then peeing on my own long skirt. Because hippie skirts are all you wear when you have 60" hips.
I've had to fly twice this year. And if you are obese you know that every leg of the flight is a new horror. Asking for a seat-belt extender (should I do it right inside the cabin or push the light for the flight attendant once I sit down?) Traveling alone is the worst. At least with someone you know you can lean on them, but sitting next to a stranger? Is my thigh touching his thigh? Are the backs of my arms crowding her? Sitting with muscles clenched for 3 hrs so you don't offend and paying for it in with a bad back later that day. Hitting every passenger's elbow because you are too wide for the aisle on the way to the dollhouse bathroom.
So if anyone wants to tell me I should have tried harder on my own, or that surgery is the easy way out, I will tell them I've already had the hard way. The hard way is being morbidly obese (teetering on the edge of "super morbidly obese,"(the last and final category of obesity beyond which there is just no man's land). And despite people's perceptions there is nothing jolly, or even sanitary, about it. Maybe surgery is the "easy" way. But the easy way is the healthy way. Because being obese is the hardest fucking thing I've ever done. But I'm killing this disease and taking control of my life. The world is not set up to accommodate larger people; it capitalizes on every square inch of profit and fat people are the detritus that gets caught in the crossfire. Part of me feels I am deserting the cause by losing weight through VSG, but I plan to be healthy and continue to advocate that obese people be treated humanely and with compassion. Suit up people. This is war.
