Feeling so Down...

Feb 02, 2010

I have to say that the last few weeks have been very hard on me. Mostly emotionally, and I have just let my focus on creating new habits go to the way side. So a little of catching up on what's gone on...I decided that after not getting my needs fulfilled to go see an attorney for separation papers. I really want to get divorced because my husband refuses treatment for gambling and things are just not working out with us. I haven't told him yet that I hired an attorney because I know that he would try to manipulate me and make me feel like crap. So I will explain it all when I get the papers in my hands. I am sure that he will be angry but it's what I have to do. I know that I will be in a huge battle for child support and spousal support but I have no choice.

I then got a notice in the mail from the mortgage company saying they hired an attorney to go into foreclosure on our home. Yes, my husband is continuing to gamble away all of our money and now we are losing our home.

Ugghh...I am so afraid of what will happen but I know in my heart that I will be fine and I will be able to care for my daughter. I keep reminding myself that the worse case scenario would be that I would be the sole provider for her fianancially but at least I will be able to live with family for a while. I just need to get away from him..he makes me feel so bad. I just really want to divorce him. I am so tired of feeling bad and he manipulates everything that I say just so he can yell at me. It's been really depressing for me. I have felt so down, with no energy and no focus on meeting my nutritional needs. Over the weekend we had alot of snow and I was stuck in the house for 3 days. So you know what I turned to...CARBS! The worse thing for me but that is how I have dealt with the problems before...so yes, I ate crackers all weekend. Yesterday I felt so bad that at lunch time I made myself do a workout video. I haven't worked out in  2 1/2 - 3 weeks but yesterday I did. I will do it again today. I have to pick myself up and remember that I am not his victim anymore. He can not make me feel so bad that I neglect myself. I deserve to be happy and healthy and not feel so miserable. Today I ordered some literature from O.A. and I hope that it will guide me toward being focused on eating right.

I really need some prayers and I need to get out of my home and marriage ASAP!

 

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