Wow..it's been 6 months

Jun 22, 2011

I can't believe that it's been 6 months since I last wrote a blog post. My life has definitely been amazing at times, disappointing at times but yet I am trying to handle it all in stride. I wish that I could say that surgery fixed my head but it hasn't the same old unlying issues exisist. When I am stressed I eat, I am a stress-eater and boy have I been surrounded in stress. My daughter is now 3 years old, and we are still living with my mother. I have been trying to change my career but I have yet to find another job. I've been sending out my resume for months and I haven't really had any bites.

My weight is pretty stable, I've been maintaining at 161 lbs, size 6 (some 4's if they're big). I look and feel beautiful now but I still battle the picture that I see in the mirror. I've put my old pre-op pictures on my mirror to try to deter me from binging at night. I have noticed that sometimes when I binge it's on good choices but I really wish that I didn't have that addiction.

I'm finally waiting for the court date for my divorce and I have been feeling more in control of my life. However, I have met someone that I have fallen in love with a few months ago. In a way, I wish that we hadn't met until after my divorce was final especially because of some of the drama surrounding it all. I feel guilty that he has to hear the stories of hell that my ex is still trying to put me through. I really never expected it to be this bad but I know that my ex is not a good person and wants to punish me. Now that my ex has lost all control he's trying to use the one thing that still has some leverage, my daughter. It's sad but now he's threatening to take custody of her and it's all just because he wants to hurt me.

My boyfriend has been my rock and has listened to me and my concerns. I love how his point of view is completely different from the way that I see it. My whole family is worried and doesn't want me to date anyone serious yet. Although I dont feel like dating around, it's just not me. They are so concerned that I am going to start meeting with my therapist again, just to be sure that I'm ready and that I'm able to make the right choices. I also am working to get my debts paid off so that I can get out on my own. I think that I would feel a great sense of accomplishment if I could, so the next few months I will be saving up to get out of there. I just hope that things will go in the right direction because I haven't been so happy in a very very long time. I just don't want to screw anything up, especially concerning my daughter. I love her so much.

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