3 weeks til Surgery!

May 02, 2011

SO today is the 3 week mark.  3 weeks from now I will go under the knife to start a better, healthier life.  I am excited yet scared.  Full of hope and plans for my future.  Mainly I'm looking forward to being able to move faster, live longer and enjoy my life doing more activities.  I haven't been doing well on my eating plan, I'm eating too fast and eating things that aren't good choices.  I acknowledge that,  I  I own it.  I am attempting to do better.    I start my shakes a week from this sunday.  I will do those for 9 days and then I will have surgery.  I am looking forward to doing the shakes, I think it will help me prepare for the after life I will be living.

I need to start my vitamins.  I realize this every afternoon when I realize I still didn't take any!  I'm nervous about having the deficiencies that people talk about after surgery so I really need to get on the ball with the suppliments.

I have enough shakes to last a month after surgery.  I have several samples (about 20) of different types, I have a canister of Unjury, I have a box of some protein vitamin kool-aid type drink and I picked up 6 packets of gladiator mix from Smoothie King while I was home.   I'm sort of sad about losing the ability to eat.  So much of family events revolve around food.  In June family will be coming up for 2 of the cousins graduations and big parties with cookouts will be held.  Aunts and Uncles bring pies, snacks and wonderful food that I will not be able to enjoy.  It will be my first true test of how much I want to work my new pouch.  I will not fail, but I know I will be tempted.  At that time I should be aprrox 1 month out of surgery and I will have seen some weight loss and starting to feel better about my life.  At the time of the grad parties I will be able to consume soft foods.  I will have to figure out what to take with me and I will do just fine.  I'll be able to do it!

My daughter is terrified of my surgery.  She is heavy herself and has said several times that she doesn't know why I feel I need to be thin to fit in.  I wish it were that easy.  Life will be hard for her if I cannot get the weight off of her.  She doesn't  understand the pressures of society or the mean way people treat each other.  In 5th grade she is starting to see it and it breaks my heart that some of the kids make fun of her for her weight, she is such a sweet, honorable, god-fearing, kind hearted child.  She deserves nothing in life but the best and I hope that my weight loss will influance her and my healthy eating habits will help hers. 

So much is riding on this surgery.  I have hopes for myself and my daughter.  I am hoping it will raise my self-esteem so I will find the courage to go back to school and finish my nursing degree or even go to law school.  I hope it will help me in my marriage, I hope that i can find my old self and not put up with treatment I am subjected to at times. 


So 3 weeks to go....

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