First day of Optifast

Oct 16, 2012

Well, here goes nothing.

I'm up an hour and a half earlier than usual (5 a.m.) because I just can't sleep anymore.  Last night I went out for dinner to my favourite restaurant with my husband and a close friend, and had my "last supper", which I know isn't really my last supper, but it's been feeling like the end of all good food.

For the past month or so, I've been feeling a combination of anxiety and excitement, but mostly anxiety over my upcoming surgery.  I've been eating terribly, and in a strange way, the terrible eating has felt like I'm getting it out of my system.  A few days ago, I went to another favourite restaurant for a "last meal" from there.  I ate too much and felt sick all night.  A just punishment, really.  I thought, "I wonder if this is a bit like what dumping syndrome feels like?"  And it really made me feel a lot more ready for what I'm about to do.

I thought that last night I would eat the heaviest meal at the restaurant.  But I didn't, probably because I didn't want to feel like I did after the previous restaurant meal.  I went for really good, tasty, and even somewhat healthy stuff over stuff that would make me feel completely bloated and awful.  And it was really great.  I had one drink - a mojito.  Last drink I'll have for the next 7 months to a year.  I savoured that drink, nursed it, and it was awesome.  And then I chose a dinner-sized salad (my favourite one from that restaurant, with nuts, apples, bacon bits, mixed greens, etc.), with perfectly cooked scallops and wilted greens with hazelnuts.  And a couple of forkfuls of a chocolately dessert shared between the three of us because we were all full, but we all wanted that bit of sweet at the end of the meal.

This morning, I feel good.  A bit worried about 900 calories a day, but I feel like I'm ready.  And strangely enough, the unhealthy eating leading up to it has made me feel more ready for this change.  Today's the day I have to really for real totally start a new food life, and I'm really, really ready for it.

Onward and downward!

0 Comments