T. Young

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It's been four months and my transition has been pretty easy. I started noticing that I was eating a lot more last month. Sugar free cookies, granola bars were the biggest culprits. It made me feel guilty. So I've cut back on the sugar free lemon cookies.

I'm having this recurring nightmare that the doctor did not make my stomach small enough. An article that I read yesterday reported that some doctors are just estimating and not using proper measurements before cutting the stomach. The result is that some people fail to lose at least 40 percent of their weight and are considered failures.

I don't want to be a failure. But I feel like one. I feel like I'm not losing weight fast enough. My girlfriend tells me that I'm out of my mind. That I'm "skinny." "When you were big, you thought you were smaller. Now that you're skinny, you think you're big," she said.

I'm not skinny. I'm wearing a 16W. I guess that's better than the 22/24W I was wearing a few short months ago.

I want the fat to be gone. I want it off. It seems like after cutting your stomach, the fat should just melt away because you were brave enough to have the surgery.

I'm partly to blame, while I haven't been overeating, I have not been exercising like I should or really eating protein like I should. And I've been feeling really tired lately. All I want to do is sleep.

This weekend, I'm going to take time to reaccess what's going on in my world. I really need to get a grip and stop complaining.

No one told me this journey would be easy or quick.

It's been a while. My life was a bit of a roller coaster last month.

It started wtih Hurricane Gustav and ended with a one-two punch from Hurricane Ike.

We lost power for seven days at home, but it didn't matter because I worked 24-7 during Ike. During past storms like Hurricane Katrina and Rita, I ate and ate and ate and ate and ate.

Actually, those storms were the beginning of the end of my good health. But it also ultimately led me to getting gastric bypass surgery, the best thing that's happened in my life. I finally have control, whether I want control or not!

Needless to say, I didn't overeat. I couldn't. Bad food was everywhere, candy, cookies, pizza, you name it.  I spent most of my time at work, where this food was brought in too feed the masses.

I brought in stuff I could eat, and it worked out.

Since the storm, I've been trying to get my rhythm back.

I'd stopped going to the gym and I was eating a wee bit more than I should. Mind you, I couldn't really overeat, but I did manage to get in a few extra sugar free cookies. Bad, bad!

So far, so good. It appears that I'm still losing weight. Although I'm not losing it as fast as I would like. I've lost about 50 pounds. I don't weigh myself because I don't want to obsess. The way I gauge things is by trying on clothes in my closet. I'm currently wearing a loose 18. I'm hoping I'll be a 16 by month's end.

In the next few weeks I'm going to start really taking notes on everything I'm putting into my mouth.

I've gone to enough Weight Watchers meetings in my life to know how to write everything down. Hopefully this will help. I'm also going to start to be a bit more calorie conscious.

I also need to start committing myself  drinking a lot more water each day! I've cheated this summer by getting most of my water from watermelon and cantaloupe. The only time I really drink water is when I go to the gym and workout. I just need to do better.

I was encouraged this evening looking at the people section of this web site. One woman has lost more than 100 pounds 9 months out! She looks fabulous!

She's already passed by weight goal of 130 pounds by two pounds.

I'm trying to be realistic about this journey, but somedays I do wish I could wake up and slip into a size 8.

I've been fat all my life. I sure would like to know how thin feels.

I know. I need to be patient.

I'm excited about losing weight. I'm a little bothered about plastic surgery. I watched this show over the weekend about a woman who had gastric bypass surgery and subsequently had $100,000 in plastic surgeries!

I know I'm going to want a tummy tuck. I think I could live with the rest of me. I hope.

Ok. That's what my doctor told me at least. So I'm at 229. I'm in a size 18. Three months I weighed 277 pounds and was in a size 24. And I'm feeling good, with the exception of the 30-minute dumping session I had today!

It was awful. I tried to eat a home made turkey bacon, egg and cheese sandwich on wheat!

Oh, well. Never again. I tried to eat it to get protein. But I'm going to have to find something different.  I don't think soft breads agree with me either.

All of it, however, is a small price to pay for the weight loss I have experienced. I'm encouraged.

It just hit me at this moment that I had my surgery three months ago today.

I'm truly blessed. This morning I got up and went to spinning class. I didn't want to go. But I made myself get out of bed.

I was so happy when I got to the gym and went to my spinning class. I pushed myself hard today, not even thinking that this was my three-month anniversary.

This hasn't been an easy road. Yesterday i was sick for most of the day because I ate a half of a flour tortilla. It did NOT agree with me, at all.

I was so frustrated because everything had been pretty much going down without any problems! Oh, well!

I have my three-month doctor's appointment tomorrow.  I haven't weighed since the last doctor's appointment.  So I'm excited to see what I weigh now.

I know I'm in an 18. It's not tight, maybe in another month I'll be in a 16, who knows.

So I did a little better with my eating today! I had a protein shake for breakfast, isopure with mango, pineapple and banana.

For lunch/dinner, I had a bowl of cream of wheat and some watermelon. I know it sounds gross, but it was good. And the watermelon was in a separate bowl!

I've been eating watermelon for most of the evening.

OK. So I ate way too much this week. I know I did. And I was so busy that I didn't make time to go to the gym.

I could have made time to go to the gym, but I didn't.

I'm going to get myself together. I slowed down today. I'm going to start paying more attention to everything that I'm putting in my mouth.

I think it's time to document.

I'm getting a lot of positive reinforcement at work. Many people have told me that my clothes are too big. I knew they were a little loose. But I never thought of them as being too big.

One woman told me it's time to retire a lot of my outfits. That's going to be hard, because I really don't have the money to go out and starting buying new clothes just yet.

One woman gave me an idea. She was joking about wrapping a belt around one of my dresses. I might just have to go belt shopping!

I hope everyone is doing well.

I'm going to start my morning off at the gym tomorrow.

OK. I'm nervous.  I want to be skinny. Really skinny. But will skinny ever come? Is skinny in the cards for me? I wonder why some people never have weight problems? I wish I had been one of those  people. But I'm not.

I've taken the drastic move of having my stomach cut. I don't regret the decision. I just hope it's enough to keep me honest, to help me lose weight.  I've been a big girl all my life, I sure what like to know what thin feels like.

I have my 12 week check up after labor day. I think I'm doing well.  I haven't weighed myself on the scale, we'll see.

This site is not very user friendly. It's hard for me to load photos. I must for several weeks now I've been a fan of  facebook. I don't share my weight loss stuff there though. But I do post photos because it's easier.

For instance, I've spent about 30 minutes trying to post a new avatar on this site! And I still don't see it.

On facebook, posting photos is soo easy. Oh, well.

I'm off my soapbox now.

I have started to see some real changes this month. Before I had my surgery in June, I was a size 24. I'm now down to a size 18. I believe I will be in a 16 by mid-Sept. Eighteens are fitting kinda lose.

I'm at the point where I can't keep up with the changes. It's like I wake up and discover I've lost more of myself. I'm trying to figure out where it's all going. 

Me and meat just don't get along. I don't like it. I don't like to chew it. I don't like to smell it. I love watermelon, cottage cheese, and cantaloupe. I also love cheese and guacamole.

I used to love lentil soup, but I ate so much of that, I'm now sick of it.

I'm a little worried about loose skin and loosing hair. But I can't worry, I'm just going to move forward.  I locked my hair before surgery. So far, so good. I have seen any hair loss.

I haven't weighed myself since my last doctor's appointment. I don't know how much I weigh. I just know I'm closer to 200 than I've been in two years.