My 3rd Surgeriversary

Apr 22, 2011

My 3rd Surgeriversary

Thankful is the theme of this anniversary. I am thankful to have such a beautiful, healthy, happy, baby boy who just turned 9mths. I am thankful to have such a wonderful, loving and supportive husband that loves me through thick and thin, I am thankful that my father is still with us however not in the capacity that I would of hoped but thankful just the same,  and I am thankful for my band to help steer me past my demons that constantly creep on me whenever they sense my spirit going a little weak.

This year has been a good one. I welcomed my son Cole into the world and he makes me smile everyday.(LOVE HIM)  I have had a little difficulty with my band and fell into darkness . I  am happy to say I have managed to crawl back out the darkness and remember that I control the remote to my life and I do not have to play out this episode again if I just stay focused.

Like with many weight loss attempts before, I have finally realized something about myself luckily in plenty of time to correct it and move forward. How many of  you come to a point where you start to cruise on autopilot and you become relaxed in your weightloss regimen because it is so familiar to you? You know what works and what doesn't. You think you know what "safe foods" to eat and you become a robot of boredom as you begin to drift and your regimen becomes a wavy pishposh of half assed-ness. 

Well that is me, I have always been able to lose a ton of weight however I always seem to reach a point where I become relaxed and my efforts begin to drift. The next thing you know I have gained a huge amount of weight and I am back to square one. Here's an example;  I have been dealing with getting back to my pre-baby weight of 163 lbs for what seems forever. Ideally I would like to get back to my lowest weight ever of 153lbs but a girl needs to start somewhere right?  In January I was told my band was back in proper position and I could begin to slowly get fills again. I weighed 195lbs at the doctor's office (wearing jeans & tennis shoes in my defense WTF Jessica just accept responsibility).

Okay I weighed 195lbs and that scared the crap out of me since I vowed to myself that I would never be in the 2 digits ever again and now look at me I am one ice-cream binge away so it seems. Not to mention that is what  I weighed the day I delivered my son. WTF!!! I received my fill and went about my regimen.  However once I realized I had left the "danger zone" as I call it the 190's I began to relax in my mind 180's seem so much more acceptable and I began with my destructive pattern  of on again and off again. Meaning I can do really well for a week and then the next week I drift through on auto and allow myself to make poor decisions until I find myself at the danger zone's steps once again. Panicked  I make a half-assed attempt to correct myself only to drift again. This has been going on for 8 weeks.

 The realization I came up with is something we all know but don't provide it nearly enough credit MINDSET. I sabotaged myself because of my mindset. I allow myself to believe that I couldn't be as focused or couldn't possibly eat smaller portions because I didn't have very much in my band. PATHETIC!!! I say I realized that I  deliberately allowed myself to ignore my body's  signals of satiety on the twisted notion that I need this amount of food because I only have 1cc. It took reading a wonderfully insightful book Bandwagon by fellow bandster Jean for me to make this association.  I went back through previous journal entries to find that I was sabotaging myself like I always use to with previous diet attempts before I had surgery. Now I was trying to make my band do all the work.  Not fair I say. What has happened to my mindset. I use to tell myself that I could only eat 6 ounces at a time and I would measure all portions. I use to put my fork down after each bite and make sure to chew a minimum of 20 times before taking another bite. I use to not drink for an hour after my meal to insure it had its due time inside my little pouch. I use to exercise 3-4 times a week.  USE TO needs to be changed to DOES... And that was it! My mindset is the key to this whole thing. I need to change my mindset and only allow those previous good thoughts and visions through. Those are the visions that got me to lose 93lbs with this tool and those are the visions that are needed to make it a reality.

Like we women often do, I began creating a plan in my mind, a chain of events that needed to occur to prep me for getting back on track. Step 1 Go see my surgeon for a fill, Step2 Order Jogging Stroller, Step 3 Order New Jogging shoes and exercise outfit to hold the flab together as I move. (I don't know about you but my excess skin gives me quite a beating when I exercise. Step 4 Write down your goals so you can visualize them and make them concrete and real. Step 5 Write down your motivators to keep you going. Step 6 Get Going and allow nothing to derail you.

My Goals:

 My Goal is to weigh 163 lbs by Cole's first Birthday. July 9th 2011.

 My Goal is to drink at least 6 cups of water per day.

My Goal is to exercise daily.

My Goal is to measure my portions and listen to my body's cues.

My Goal is to accept responsibility for my actions.

My Motivators:

I want to feel comfortable wearing short sleeves this summer. Nothing like walking to the boat in Havasu in 120 degrees wearing 3/4 sleeves  to hide those bat wings. (Seriously I have done it)

I want to reach my goal weight of 100 lbs lost since surgery.

I want to maintain my goal weight.

I want to have more babies.

I want to get my excess skin removed

I want to live a healthier life and be around for my children and not have to be hospitalized like my Dad EVER!!! (9 heart surgeries, left leg amputated as result of diabetes)

Today's weight: 182.4lbs

Total Weight Lossed since my weightloss journey began January 2005: 165lbs

Weight Lossed since Band Surgery April 22, 2008: 68lbs

Lastly, I am so thankful for my band to allow me the opportunity to make this realization with such minimal damage. In the past, when I would come back from darkness as I like to call it I would be 40-50lbs heavier. My band is the tool that provides the sadly necessary help I need to lose weight. Maybe someday I will not have such a great dependence for my band but in the meantime I am thankful that I have it to help me reach my goals.

Here we go!  Best of luck and remember this is a journey and a lifetime one at that. Appreciate the ride and don't forget to pause to check out life's scenic views along the way.

BroomHilda

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