Cristina130
Being heavy was never in my plans - as I'm sure it isn't in anyone else's either. But life happened to me. Going through school I was always skinny. Not just skinny, but almost unhealthy skinny - skin and bones I was called by many. I didn't mind. I was active, felt great and enjoyed exercising. The movements called to me and I didn't feel happy if I wasn't moving. So, what happened?
Well, I can put blame on many things, but they ultimately were all my choices. I believe things started however when i chose to go on the birth control: Depo Prevera. I loved it since there wasn't "that time" for me, but the side effect of gaining weight turned out to be extreme for me. They told me maybe 10 lbs and I was okay with that - I had already gained weight after high school and was now about 115 anyway so another 10 wouldn't be that bad. But over the next year - that's right in only one year - I gained almost 90 lbs. I had my family and friends telling me to stop taking it because it was ruining my health, but I still didn't see it in myself. I was trying to exercise more, but one comment eventually changed my entire thinking. I was told by a professional at a college aerobics class that because i was on Depo there was never a way to lose weight even if I exercised 24/7. That hit me hard......and I basically gave up.
During this time of giving up....I stopped playing sports, I stopped exercising, I even started eating bigger meals. Finally I went off of Depo. My weight was fairly stable...so I didn't think much of it. Then I became pregnant. Most people didn't even know because I was so big to begin with...but I was happy. Soon, my son was born. My focus became on him. Life continued and a couple of years later....my daughter was born. Unfortunately, by this time, I had to go back to work and wasn't able to stay home with both my children, but they were still everything to me.
Throughout the next 4-5 years, I would focus on my weight once in a while - usually after comments of "so, when are you due?" when i wasn't expecting. I would try diet after diet. Weight Watchers usually worked the best, but still couldn't continue with it as a life style. But what really caught my eye was recently. About 7 months ago, I started a position where it was taking me about an hour to drive to work. Nothing too bad about that except I kept falling asleep at the wheel. Then I was starting to fall asleep at work too. NOT GOOD. I self referred myself to a sleep study and found out I had very bad sleep apnea and was put immediately on a CPAP machine. I knew I was heavy. It was hard to walk anywhere without breathing like I just ran a marathon. I couldn't fit into my clothes and the sizes kept getting bigger. I was telling my kids I couldn't play with them because I was exhausted and my eating was really out of control. I relied on pop (pepsi/coke) like it was a lifeline to keep me awake and full of energy - never really acknowledging that it was part of my downfall.
So, now, I am on a CPAP machine, unable to breathe when I walk to the printer at work, not playing with my kids, and fighting with depression over how I feel all the time. Then, one day I get some pictures back from and one of them hit me like a ton of bricks. OMG!!! This isn't me. This is not how I see myself......but there it was in color.....how everyone else saw me. yes, it is the picture I have in my profile. Me, sitting at a desk looking like a pink slab of blubber. To this point, I knew I had a weight problem. But i thought I still was "hiding it" fairly well. This was what I needed.
I went to the doctor and found out that my cholesterol was very high and that my blood pressure was very high. NOT GOOD!!!. I asked what I can do....if there was a medicine that could help me since I was technically now considered Morbidly Obese and all they told me was to eat better and exercise more. I knew that!!! I've been told that for years and years and look at what all my trials have brought me to. I went back on WW and was struggling again after just two weeks. Why can't I do this???? I need help.
To this day, I don't really remember what it was.....a commercial, hearing someone else talk about it, or what it was that made me start my research, but I knew that the only way to help me was WLS. I didn't tell anyone...not even my husband that I was researching this. I went into overdrive. I found a clinic that seemed to be great and was going to go to their seminar. But, I knew the only way I was ever going to have this done was to have insurance help. I did my own research and found out this clinic wasn't a preferred provider. DARN!! So, I continued my research into others in my area that was in the preferred providers list.....and I came across Puget Sound Surgical Center. What a blessing this was.
Over the next month, I was in contact with them, set up all my initial appointments, went to their seminar, got my weight history and letter from my PCP explaining that surgery would help not only because my BMI was 42.3 but because I had co-morbidities too........and before I knew it.......I was approved by my insurance. It was really a shock to everyone at the clinic as well as me since I hadn't submitted anything yet and hadn't even had my nutritional/psychological evals yet. My doctor had submitted my papers and was overwhelmingly approved with just the few items. AMEN!!!
During this time I started to tell my husband. It was just research. He didn't like it and I soon found out why during an argument. He called me lazy and said I was taking the easy way out......wanted me to try working with him on diet and exercise and that surgery was way too extreme. I felt like I had been slapped in the face. Easy way out? Heck no...this was more extreme and I would have to work even harder than on any regular diet. Over time, I showed him my research....told him how I felt - how this was my last resort after years of failure - and that I felt like I was dieing and needed this tool to help me learn all over again. He acknowledged that he he understands how I felt but really was more scared of surgery than anything else because he has had bad experiences in the past and that was the only thing he knew....bad surgical experiences. I personally have only had good surgical experiences and told him that I understood the risks, but still needed to do this. He eventually started supporting me in my process even though he didn't like the idea. He loves me and I love him for being here for me.
So, really in about a two months time I went from making the decision to have WLS and to actually having it. It has been probably faster than some would like it to have been, but for me it was just in time to save my life. Although it caused a strain for a while between me and my husband, I know it was the right decision and now...after the fact....I think he is starting to see that too. It's only been about 3 weeks since my surgery, but I am already down 25lbs and am starting to feel a difference. Some even see the difference. It is hard. I fight my own food addiction battles, but I now see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've always said......if you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, march down there and turn it on yourself! I belive I have done this and can now be the wife and mother I am meant to be.
Thank you for reading my story.
