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Wow...it's been a year plus a few days since I got banded. I have to admit that I have definitely learned ups and downs with the band but I don't regret the choice I made to have it done, not one little bit. I started out, at my heaviest being 268 lbs., I am finally down to about 195 lbs. (give or take a few depending on the day...) I am not down where I wanted to be by now but I know a lot of that is my own fault and not the band's. I have learned that I suffer from "last bite syndrome" because I either love the taste of the food so much that I try to get that one last bite down OR I hate the idea of wasting something and try getting that last bite down. I have had consequences for it, too. With our lives being in constant chaos: work, school, football games, basketball games and other events that have taken up our time, I have to admit that my family has ate a lot of junk. That's including me...And the holidays didn't help. I am not big on baking and such but for some reason I decided to bake over 500 cookies for the holidays. Why? I have no idea...but I did it. In the process, there was cookie dough sampling, licking of the beaters and spatulas. Not to mention partaking in the actual baked treats. Granted, I can't eat cookies like I used to be able to but I know I definitely had more than I should have! 

So here I am today....trying to get back on track. I haven't been in to see Dr. Holloway since the beginning part of November. I haven't needed a fill and honestly couldn't afford any more trips to see him for 2009. But I think I have finally found my sweet spot. On most part, my band is really tight in the mornings where I can only sip on my sugar-free chai in the mornings. I usually have to be careful what I eat for lunch. There are breads and tortillas and some pasta stuff that one day will be fine but the next day cause a stuck episode. And during my TOM, my band tends to feel even tighter even into the evening. A lot of it is trial and error. I have learned that fried potatoes of any kind don't seem to agree with me. But that's a good thing because things like french fries, tater tots, etc. are not a good thing to be eating anyhow! And as much as I love tomatoes, sometimes I do have a hard time eating them. I am not sure why but I notice it every once in awhile. But anyhow.....

I am trying to get back into a routine of taking breaks at work to get up away from my desk and do some walking. My husband got me an iTouch for Christmas and so I have enjoyed being able to use it to listen to music while on walks- I have learned that I like to walk to the beat of the music and so the faster, more upbeat songs keep me walking at a faster pace and make me feel great! I just have to make myself do it more consistently!!! I know that I also need to increase my water intake. There are days that I do pretty good and then other days where I just bomb at it. I notice that the days that I increase my water intake and also do walking, even if just a little bit, it shows on the scale. I have also noticed that I do better during the week at work than I do on weekends at home. I don't snack as much, drink more water, etc. I also know that I consciously do not partake in more high calorie foods if there are people around who might take notice where if the same foods were at home and I didn't have the audience, I'd probably dig right in. I do know that it makes a difference! But I just need to work at being more disciplined at home and step it up more. I did get Wii Fit Plus for Christmas and also Sports Resort. I need to play on it more because I know that it also helps and I usually see some results on the scale the next day. But what usually happens is that I will walk, drink more water and come home and get on the wii one day. The next day, it will show that I lost like 3 lbs. and I get stoked. I'll drink water and walk at work the next day but then don't get on wii when I get home and will eat a bigger portion at dinner than I know I should and probably follow it with a cookie or brownie. Bad bad bad! And then a couple of days later, I am back up those 3 lbs. I lost. I am my own worst enemy.

So I decided tonight that I would get on here and post on my blog here because I haven't in such a very long time....and I want to hold myself more accountable. I had the lap-band to get my life back, lose weight and enjoy life more. I know I am doing that but I also know I can do better and I am sabotaging my progress. The band is a tool and it will only work as well as I use it. I have known this all along. So it's time I get back in gear and start using that tool for what it was made to do: help me lose weight and keep it off!

So hopefully the next time I am back on here and posting to this blog, I will have much better news to share. I hope that I'll be able to talk about more weight loss, accomplishing more goals and can be more of an inspiration to others. I would love to be at my goal weight by my birthday in July. I know it's possible and I am closer to it now than I am the weight I was at when I started this journey a little over a year ago. Definitely looking on the brighter side!

Okay- well, the other night, I experience the worst night I have ever had since being banded. On Thursday night, we had cream can for supper....sausages, potatoes, onions, corn...I decided to try some corn on the cob. Hadn't had corn at all since before being banded. Was always too scared because I know it isn't a food that breaks down. But I thought, "I bet I could eat corn on the cob, though." What was I thinking? LOL I have no idea...but the weird thing is that I DIDN'T have any issues. I felt fine after eating it. But then Friday morning, I felt a little more tightness than usual. My husband and I went to the coffee shop and I got my sugar-free chai with skim. This was about 7:30 in the morning. At 11am, I was finishing it up. At noon, I went and met my husband and father-in-law at a restaurant. I ordered the special which was a turkey bacon wrap thing. I was only able to eat about three bites and couldn't eat anymore. So I got a box to take home. But I wasn't feeling miserable. Just satisfied with a little bit of tightness. But when I got to work, as the afternoon went on, I felt more and more tightness in my chest. I tried drinking water but could only take little sips at a time. And felt heartburn which I haven't felt in a very very long time. But I just figured that it would end up passing and then I'd be fine.

We had to go to my oldest son's first football game that evening. It was against the school that I graduated from so I was actually looking forward to it. But soon after we got there, I was feeling more tightness and pain in my chest. At one point, I walked my youngest son to the concession stands and got food. Maybe it was the smell of the food, I don't know. But when we got back, I had to walk to our van because my saliva was on overdrive and I wasn't able to swallow it. So I was spitting it up and ultimately, ended up throwing up. And throwing up. And throwing up. And throwing up. And throwing up. When we got home, I decided to try and take one of those anti-nausea pills to stop the vomiting. But it worked in almost reverse. I immediately started throwing up VIOLENTLY. It was horrible! I took a hot bath and that seemed to help. I wasn't throwing up anymore, at least. And I was so tired. I went to bed and soon after falling asleep, I was awoken suddenly by choking and coughing. Since I wasn't able to swallow, my saliva was causing me to choke in my sleep. It was NOT a fun experience and happened constantly through the night. I finally got some sleep probably about 5am-10am. But when I woke up, I decided that I better call my doctor to get some help.

Dr. Forney had me come in to the ER in Scottsbluff where he took out 2 cc's. I was sad that he had to take out that much (but thankful that he didn't take it all out) but I instantly felt the difference and was able to easily drink a cup of water. He gave me instructions to stick with liquids for the rest of the day and soft foods for today and wait until Monday to really go back to solids. That way, I give my stomach and throat time to heal. And since my next appointment is in just a little under two weeks, he said that it would be enough time to heal so I should be able to get another fill at that time, since he took so much out.

Yes, it was a horrible horrible ordeal. And I don't know what I can say for sure caused it...if it was the corn on the cob or the wrap or ? But in any case, I did learn a huge lesson from it all. I really did. And despite this ordeal and the pain that went with it and praying to God all night to please give me relief, I have no regrets having the band. I knew of the risks involved before getting the band and should have been a little more careful, I realize. And compared to all the good stuff that I have gained from having the band done, I have no regrets. One little setback like this won't change my mind.

Tomorrow is a new day in which I will work harder at being a better bander. :)

I have to make this short because I literally have but only a few minutes before I need to race out the door to work.

Anyhow- I got past the whole sliming, foaming, throwing up stuff. It was a very miserable night and something I had NEVER experienced before and hopefully won't again. It was horrible. I was asked if, after going through that, would I still have gone and had the lap band done. My answer was..."I absolutely would get it done." It really has been one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Yes, there are setbacks to it. But really, look at the alternatives: Before, I was eating with no self-control. I was constantly hungry. I had ballooned up to 268 lbs. at one point. I had a hard time climbing a set of stairs, bending over to tie my shoes, even walking short distances winded me. I was miserable. I felt horrible all the time. I was getting joint pains, especially in my hip. If I had stayed on that path and NOT had the lap band, who knows...maybe I'd be on pre-diabetic meds right now on top of all that. Do I live as healthy right now as I should? No. I make mistakes. I indulge when I shouldn't. But it isn't anything in comparison to what I used to do. But do I beat myself up over it? Nope...I just get back on track and try to be more conscientious. I know I need to get back on track with my walking. It's been spontaneous and not consistent. I haven't even been on wii fit for quite a while. Need to get back to doing more physical activity and then maybe I'd see the scale move more in the direction I want it to go. But even then, I have to say that I know that the band is working the way it is supposed to. I have dropped 7 lbs. since my last fill a little over a week ago. Talk about putting a skip back into your step! LOL I just need to keep at it.

Anyhow...I wanted to post this because those that might have read my last post might have been horrified...especially if you haven't had it done yet and are looking to get it done. I don't want to be the deciding factor in a choice like that based off my last post. It was a horrible experience. But weighing it to all the great things that has happened with the band, it's nothing. Live and learn.

So now I am taking off to work....wearing new jeans (14's!!!) and a new shirt (Large!!) that I got this last weekend. Life is good. It really is!!! :)

It's been awhile since I wrote anything on here. I decided tonight would be a good night and I'll fill you in on that in a minute.

Since my last post, I went to Austin, had an awesome time...so many people noticed my weight loss. I also walked over 55 miles in that week...lots of walking in the heat! GAG....that part, the heat....I could have lived without! Went to Taylor Swift concert a few weeks ago and got to meet her. That was a pretty awesome experience, especially for my daughter who idolizes her!  Really, it's been a crazy couple of months!

Okay that is the good stuff...in short. Here's the bad and the ugly: Since June, I only lost 1 lb. Granted, I didn't gain it, but still....that was pretty depressing to see. One stinkin' pound. Yesterday was my 6 month bandiversary. And today I went in for my 5th visit/fill since being banded. I got a .25 cc fill again. I didn't feel it right away. I felt pretty much the same as I did the rest of the day and didn't notice any change. But I learned a HUGE HUGE lesson tonight. UGH. One of my co-workers had a bbq tonite and invited us over. I didn't even think much about my fill because I felt no difference. It proved to be a big mistake. :( I took about 2 bites of beans, a bite of macaroni salad and 3 bites of hamburger and was feeling it. But then I took about 2 bites of watermelon and found myself in big trouble! It hurt so very very bad. There I was, sitting around with a bunch of co-workers (who don't know that I have a band or know anything about it....) feeling pain in my chest, feeling like I was going to choke. It was horrible. I pretended like I got a phone call and walked to my van which was away from the party. I found a cup and was spitting saliva in it. But then it finally came up....foamy, slimy....liquid. And yep....watermelon. I felt better and went back to the party. But then was getting that feeling again and had to excuse myself to the bathroom. I threw up more foam, more slime. I did this one more time and knew it was time for us to go home. On the way home, I had more foaming, sliming. Got home and threw up. I still don't feel great. I never understood what foaming/sliming was about. I had never experienced it before. And I had hoped I could have kept that status. I don't feel 100% still. But I do know this much....I don't think I am going to be eating anything tomorrow....going to take it easy and do liquid/softies. This sucks. But I did it to myself. I knew better and wasn't careful. UGH.

Well, I didn't have any taken out this last Thursday like I had talked about. Instead, when talking to Dot, I felt like maybe I was just trying to eat too fast and that was probably my problem and needed to slow it down a bit. So I left without a fill or an unfill and when I was driving home, I felt like I probably made a mistake. I had this little voice inside telling me that I needed to have a little taken out, that it was too tight. But decided to try and take it a bit slower, make sure I chewed my food better and not push it so much with the breads. But yesterday morning, I woke up with allergy and sinus issues and even drinking sips of water made my chest hurt and I KNEW that I needed to go in and have it checked out. I felt my sinuses draining yesterday and felt sinus pressure. It wasn't that I couldn't drink anything but that it caused some discomfort. And I really felt that it was time to make the call and have a little unfill done. So I ended up having to drive to Scottsbluff yesterday. And after Dot took .25cc out, what a difference it made! I could tell right away when trying to drink water! But I was SO hungry, too. Considering that I hadn't eaten anything all day, my stomach ached yesterday, wanting food. But I just didn't feel like I could or should push it with that discomfort that I had. But once I had that little bit of unfill, I was finally able to eat something! And even with the small unfill, I still had really good restriction because I still could only eat a small portion of food. But the cool thing is that for the first time in quite awhile, I was able to eat and actually get to the point of feeling satisfied. Before the slight unfill, I'd have a few bites of food and feel that discomfort. I wouldn't say it was a satisfied or full feeling. It was discomfort. And that discomfort would make me stop eating. And it was because of that feeling that I would actually dread feeling hunger pains because I hated the pain that would come with it. No matter what I ate.  So I do honestly know now that the little voice that had been telling me to get a little unfill last week and convinced me in calling and getting one done yesterday was absolutely right. I feel as though had I stayed on the path that I was and left as is, it might have caused some problems down the road. And the sort of problems that would definitely need to be avoided!

So anyhow- I am going to a bariatric meeting tonight and so hopefully I can connect with a few people there. Mona from Scottsbluff is going to be there to share tips on shopping for food, reading labels, etc. and so I think that will also help!

As for my weight- I am still losing. I really had hoped to be close to making under the 200 mark by now. I weighed in yesterday at 212. It's getting closer but about 10 lbs. more than where I had hoped to be by now. Oh well. The good thing is that I am still losing and that's far better than gaining! And having the band is one of the best things I have ever done for myself- I know that without it, I would be 265 lbs. still and wouldn't be interested about going outside and doing anything. I'd be too self-conscious and wouldn't want anyone to see me outside in shorts and tank tops, etc. So that is a HUGE difference! I am out walking, running (on occasion but not as much as I should and want!), am looking forward to the pool opening so I can start going to the pool with the kids once in awhile, working on the yard, etc. And I also have bought and have been wearing a few pairs of shorts and tank tops/sleeveless shirts! Granted, I gotta work on toning up those arms....but it's a big difference as to where I was last year!

I can't believe that it's been four months already! Some days I feel as though I am still a fresh newbie with the band and still learning. But you know, that's just it...still learning! I have learned each month, with each fill, how to roll with it and learn to adapt living with the band. This last month, I got a .5cc fill which brought me up to 6.5cc in my 10cc band. I have to go in tomorrow to see the dr. and I might actually ask to have just a little taken out, like .25cc. I am getting extreme restriction and lately, in the last week, it almost feels like it has gotten tighter or something. So I can't hardly get down but a couple bites of something and get pain in my chest. Not extreme, excrutiating pain, but enought to deter me from wanting to eat anymore. Granted, I realize that you should stop eating when you feel satisfied. But this isn't that sort of feeling....it's pain. I haven't thrown up and I am very careful to chew my food well and try to take enough time between bites so those things shouldn't be an issue. And like so many others that I have heard about, I feel the most tightness in the morning. But it's so tight sometimes that while my stomach is growling and I'm hungry, it's hard for me to even drink fluids. And with my upcoming trip to Austin in a couple of weeks, I really don't want to push the issue so much or end up in an ER situation while I am down there...I just have a gut feeling that I need to have some taken out. My husband actually asked me the other day if my reason was so that I could eat more while I am in Austin but the answer is "No". That's not a concern of mine at all, actually. I just don't want to feel as though conversation with friends over dinner is compromised because of the pain. Plus, I don't want this to be an issue that should have been addressed and it end up giving me problems such as a slipped band or erosion down the road. I want to avoid that as much as possible! So, yes- going to ask for a teensy lil unfill. If it happens to be that I need a fill next month, then so be it. But right now, I think that this is the best choice.

Anyhow- I will try to post after going and seeing the doctor....and will try to also post something before and after Austin, as well! I can't wait!!!!

I am going to make this short and sweet (but mostly because I don't have time to write a lengthy one right now) - I am down 50 lbs. from my surgery weight as of this morning! WHOOT! My 4 month bandiversary is on June 10th, so I feel like I am definitely making some good progress! I do have to say that I really need to work on trying to find ways to tone a few things up! I start a new schedule at work on Monday: 7a-4p so that means that I'll get off early enough to maybe go to the pool and do laps or something! I can't wait to get back into swimming- I used to love swimming!

Well, I guess that is it for now- gotta go! :) Happy Friday!!!!

Well, this last week was definitely a crazy one! Since we were having company over the holiday weekend, I decided it was high-time that the cluttered mess in the living room was gone through and cleaned up. Plus, there is a rummage sale at our church this coming weekend and they are taking donations for it, so I had even more reason to get it done. Trying to get anyone else at my house to help out was a different story, though! But in any case, by Saturday morning, the place was looking pretty ship-shape but I was exhausted! To top it all off, I threw my sister and my new niece a baby shower on Saturday. And, I went all out for it....did tissue-paper flowers, flower arrangement, table settings, a butterfly tree, decorated cupcakes, made fruit kabobs, pink deviled eggs, punch, etc. It was fun and well-worth it but I was so exhausted before the end of the day! I seriously felt like if I were to sit down and stop all the running around, I'd pass out! LOL Sunday was a busy day, as well. We went to church and then drove to our hometown about an hour away to put flowers on our grandparents' graves. We also stopped at our grandparents' old house and talked to one of the neighbors for a short while. And then, drove out on this treacherously nasty dirt road out in the country to see our great aunt that we affectionately call "Gramma Ettie". She couldn't make it to the baby shower and so we decided to go visit her for awhile. She's the last living sibling of my grandma's, out of 7 kids total. We were wanting to take a drive around the lake, too, but it just got too late and the weather wasn't the best, so we drove back home. My sister and her family left yesterday but then my best friend stopped by for a little while on her way back to Wyoming from a weekend with her brother. So I enjoyed seeing her very much and it was a great way to end the longer weekend! :) 

But anyhow- as far as weight goes... I really haven't lost any more weight...I made it down to 217 one morning but then have gone back up to 219 and been there for several days now. And I know that I didn't make the best choices over the weekend as far as food goes. Not super bad but I could have lived without the cupcake I had and all the punch I drank. That was probably what did it....the punch. Lemonade with sherbert. It was delicious and I know that I should have drank water instead of that stuff, especially with all the running around I did. Bad girl. I know....And I learned a very valuable lesson last night about the "Last Bite Syndrome". Not a fun lesson to learn. I threw up. Yep.....I ate a hamburger that I made on the Foreman grill and probably should have had it without the bun, but I didn't. And I had like two bites left and felt full and knew I shouldn't eat the rest of the burger (which was mostly just bread and juicy tomato)....but I did. Bad, bad idea! About 15 minutes later, I was still feeling discomfort from it and then my mouth start salivating really bad and that was what did it. It wasn't like I threw up like I would from being sick, it was more like I burped and it came up....no acid or bad taste or anything that would go along with normal throwing up. But in any case, it still wasn't pleasant. And I was SO disappointed in myself. I swore to myself that I wouldn't ever do that and I didn't stay true to that promise. My husband wasn't really happy with me about it either and my kids were a bit worried about it. So today, I am taking it slow and not pushing myself and going to make sure that I don't push myself to that limit again. It's not fun at all. I don't go in to see my surgeon until June 11th, which is over 2 weeks away. I am hoping that I can lose like another 6 lbs. by then. And as much restriction as I have right now, I am not really planning on getting any kind of fill. But then again, if I lose quite a bit of weight between now and then, that could also change. But I don't think I'll lose enough to really justify it. I think that I'd probably be closer to my goal for this week had I not sabotaged it this last weekend.

On the plus side- I added up all the miles that I have walked/ran since the Amazing Race started and I have a total of 58.25 miles so far. But I can only turn in 50.5 miles for this last week as Sunday and Monday will be added to this week's totals. That's a lot farther than I expected it to be!!!

Granted, it's not THE big goal, but it's a goal that I set for myself last week. I wanted to reach 220 lbs. by today and I reached it! That is 7 lbs. down from last week when I had my third fill.

Today was the start of the Amazing Race here at work and so I have to start pushing myself to go the distance! I still don't have that bike I've been wanting and have been told by Mike that he's going to get it for me....I guess I just have wanted it for so long, I am running out of patience about it! LOL I have also been thinking about getting a 48" deep, 20' pool but we do have to put up some provisions such as fencing it in. Granted, it would be taken down at the end of the season and put in storage, but it would be nice to have to go swimming in without having to deal with times that the public pool is open. I worked it out so that I could go in to work at 7am and get off work at 4pm starting June 1st through summer so I am home earlier for the kids. But hopefully that will also give me some time to get more walking, running or whatever done.

Well, last Thursday I was feeling rather frustrated. I thought I had stepped it up more with my exercise and didn't feel like I had done horrible with my diet. Granted, no one's perfect, but still....Anyhow, I went in for a fill and was given 1 full cc bringing total to 6.5cc's in my band. Dot wasn't sure if I should have that much so she had me drink while I still had the needle in. She was going to take some out if I couldn't get water down without problems. But it went down fine. I drank two small cups and was feeling full but didn't have any issues with tightness in my chest, etc. 

But anyhow- it's been 4 days and I do have to say that I can definitely feel more restriction with this fill than I did with the two I've had previously. I am down to 222 as of this morning which is 43 lbs. down from where I was when I had surgery and 46 lbs. down from my heaviest which was really a short amount of time before then. So there is definitely progress! This is the most that I have lost in over 5 years. The last time I was close to this weight was back in 2003! But this time, I honestly don't feel like I am starving myself or obsessing about working out so much, etc. I am feeling pretty darn good, actually! I haven't really had any major stuck issues, have never pb'd or thrown up. I have learned that with this last fill that I do have to eat much much slower and chew my food really well or I end up being burpy. Nothing major at all but something that I've noticed and have been trying to be careful and not overdoing anything.

I bought an outfit from Lane Bryant this last week, off their website. I saw the outfit in the mailer that was sent out.....hot pink blouse with black a-line skirt that has big, bright pink flowers. I just LOVED it! I decided to make it sort of a goal outfit to work down into and ordered the skirt in a size 14. It's 100% cotton and so there is no stretch, so I figured that it would take awhile to work down into it. I figured that I might be able to wear the top, though, as I am wearing quite a few tops that are size 14/16. If the skirt had come in a size 12, I probably would have ordered that size. But I got the smallest that they had....14. Well, I received the outfit in the mail on Friday and just out of curiosity, I tried it on to see how much I'd have to work off to fit into it. I was very surprised to find that not only was I able to get the skirt on but I also was able to zip it up as well! Granted, it's definitely on the snug side but what a HUGE NSV to realize that I just fit into a size 14 skirt that has NO stretch whatsoever! I was doing the happy dance all night over it! LOL And the shirt with it....absolutely awesome! I am thinking that a few more pounds and I might even be brave enough to TUCK my shirt in to show off the contrast band around the hip of the skirt! I am not one to tuck in shirts as I have always went for the kind to help cover and camouflage. It will be exciting to be able to tuck a shirt in and feel confident in wearing it that way! This is an outfit that I definitely plan on taking with me to Austin next month even if I have to have it taken in! (and I don't mind that part....way better than having to let it out or part with it because it's too small!) I also tried on a couple of sleeveless summer dresses that I also recently purchased that were on the snug side and I have noticed a couple of areas where they aren't as snug. I have a tote of clothes that are still on the small side or are too small for me to wear right now and I will occasionally try them on....probably once a week....because I want to see if any of them fit or fit better. It's not just about the scale, after all. But it drives my husband crazy. LMAO!

Anyhow- I have to go to a spring concert at my youngest two kids' elementary school. Sounds like they're going to be singing some Grease songs so I am sure it will be entertaining. I was hoping to get in some running tonight but it looks like I might just have to do that tomorrow! I was actually thinking that if I got up early enough and weather was decent, I might even go running before showering and getting ready and going to work. That would probably shock my husband to death! LOL We'll see....I am not such a great morning person, so while the idea is there, the reality might be different! But I might actually try it!