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About WORRY! Lord knows I AM a constant worry wart, this is one thing I am trying to change for myself. It isnt easy but I am always a work in progress! Thank you MyPrayerChain for this Bible study lesson! You defintely need to go into theology studies. You would make an excellent grief counselor!

Session 3
Lesson 1
What Does the Bible say about Worry?


After pondering extensively on all of the issues that everyone has brought up about worry, I decided that instead of asking you more questions about your worries, I would go straight to the Word to see what God has to say about it. I think that the following list addresses each of us no matter what we worry about. The notes that follow each of the topics below come from my Life Application Bible (NIV). I hope that you can take the time to look up these scriptures and apply some of the notes to your daily walks with the Lord.


1)Don't worry about details beyond your control. - Genesis 7:13-16 – Many have wondered how the animal kingdom roundup happened. Did Noah and his sons spend years collecting all the animals? In reality the creation, along with Noah, was doing just as God had commanded. There seemed to be no problem gathering the animals—God took care of the details of that job while Noah was doing his part by building the ark. Often we do just the opposite of Noah. We worry about details over which we have not control, while neglecting specific areas (such as attitudes, relationships, responsibilities) that are under our control. Like Noah, concentrate on what God has given you to do, and leave the rest to God.


2)Worry can cause us to forfeit peace with God. - Genesis 21:7 – After repeated promises, a visit by two angels, and the appearance of the Lord, himself, Sarah finally cried out with surprise and joy at the birth of her son. Because of her doubt, worry, and fear, she had forfeited the peace she could have felt in God's wonderful promise to her. The way to bring peace to a troubled heart is to focus on God's promises. Trust him to do what he says.


3)Worry can reveal a lack of faith in God's control. - Psalm 37:8-9 – Anger and worry (fretting) are two very destructive emotions. They reveal a lack of faith that God loves us and is in control. We should not worry; instead, we should trust in God, giving ourselves to him for his use and safekeeping. When you dwell on your problems, you will become anxious and angry. But if you concentrate on God and his goodness, you will find peace. Where do you focus your attention?


4)Don't worry if you can't understand everything. - Proverbs 20:24 – We are often confused by the events around us. Many things we will never understand; others will fall into place in years to come as we look back and see how God was working. This proverb counsels us not to worry if we don't understand everything as it happens. Instead, we should trust that God knows what he's doing, even if his timing or design is not clear to us.


5)Ill effects of worry – Matthew 6:25- Because of the ill effects of worry, Jesus tells us not to worry about those needs that God promises to supply. Worry may (1) damage your health, (2) cause the object of your worry to consume you thoughts, (3) disrupt your productivity, (4) negatively affect the way you treat others; and (5) reduce your ability to trust in God. How many ill effects of worry are you experiencing? Here is the difference between worry and genuine concern—worry immobilizes, but concern moves you to action.


6)There is a difference between planning and worrying – Matthew 6:34- Planning for tomorrow is time well spent; worrying about tomorrow is time wasted. Sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference. Careful planning is thinking ahead about goals, steps, and schedules, and trusting in God's guidance. When done well, planning can help alleviate worry. Worriers, by contrast, are consumed by fear and find it difficult to trust God. They let their plans interfere with their relationship with God. Don't let worries about tomorrow affect your relationship with God today.


7)The Holy Spirit helps us stop worrying – Matthew 10:19-20 – Jesus told the disciples that when arrested for preaching the gospel, they should not worry about what to say in their defense – God's Spirit would speak through them. This promise was fulfilled in Acts 4:8-14 and elsewhere. Some mistakenly thing this means that we don't have to prepare to present the gospel because God will take care of everything. Scripture teaches, however, that we are to make carefully prepared, thoughtful statements (Colossians 4:6). Jesus is not telling us to stop preparing but to stop worrying.


8)Other ways to resist worrying – Luke 12:22-34 – Jesus commands us not to worry. But how can we avoid it? Only faith can free us from the anxiety caused by greed and convetousness. Working and planning responsibly are good; dwelling on all the ways our planning could go wrong is bad. Worry is pointless because it can't fill any of our needs; worry is foolish because the Creator of the universe loves us and knows what we need. He promises to meet all our real needs, but not necessarily all our desires.
Overcoming worry requires: (1) Simple trust in God, your heavenly Father. This trust is expressed by praying to him rather than worrying. (2) Perspective on you problems. This can be gained by developing a strategy for addressing and correcting your problems. (3) A support team to help. Find some believers who will pray for you to find wisdom and strength to deal with your worries.


9)Most worry will seem trivial in the future – Luke 22:24 – The most important event in human history was about to take place, and the disciples were still arguing about their prestige in the kingdom! Looking back, we say, "This was no time to worry about status" But the disciples, wrapped up in their own concerns, did not perceive what Jesus had been trying to tell them about his approaching death and resurrection. What are your major concerns today? Twenty years from now, as you look back, will these worries look petty and inappropriate? Get your eyes off yourself and get ready for Christ's coming into human history for the second time.


10) Turn your worries into prayers – Philippians 4:6-7 - Imagine never being "anxious about anything"! It seems like an impossibility-- we all have worries on the job, in our homes, at school. But Paul's advice is to turn our worries into prayers. Do you want to worry less? Then pray more! Whenever you start to worry, stop and pray.

I know those who read my blog, to them, It may seem like Im not making any sense and just rambling. Im not, trust me. I am writing a book on my experiences since my Mother's death and subsequently, sister's death. "For everything there is a season". 

I have witnessed many MIRACLES during the transition and shock of loosing my Mom that some days it seems so surreal to me. I know beyond ANY doubt whatsoever now, they were REAL and were answered prayers. At the time, I didnt understand but my Aunt said, "in HIS timing it would be revealed" to me. I didnt question her about it. It has taken nearly 8 years for me to understand what she said, so it is now, that it is beginning to make sense and by the time Im finished, it will make sense to you, the reader, too. I do everything, in HIS timing and that includes posting on the boards and writing in my blog.

My therapist advises writing my feelings down, another reason my blog is private for my friends only. Self discovery is an awesome thing when you begin to examine your life and the REAL inner you. I know alot of other's who could benefit from doing the same thing. Everyone should step outside of themselves and examine how they appear to other's.

I hate to see the BB falling apart again. Like my pastor said Sunday "Wake up people, this is NOT A GAME", he went on to preach about how christians often use the church to judge, use it for a meeting place to catch up on gossip, see who is wearing the latest fashions, and who drives the nicest cars. He is telling the truth! I let hypocrites keep me out of the church for over 20 years. I see alot of judgemental and hypocritical christians STILL exsist and always will through time. This was a powerful sermon. I will pick up a copy of it, the church gives us freely  tomorrow, if anyone is intrested in it, just PM me and it will be on it's way. I can easily see why some would leave, where there is good, evil also lurks behind the scenes, sometimes I feel unworthy there too and invisible, ignored so maybe I too will just stick to the main board and my friends there, when I am here on OH but I am mostly on myspace when I am online these days.

Im studying prophecy right now and the signs are all around us for those who believe. Something BIG is happening right before our eyes and all I can do is pray for the hypocritical and judgemental people to get right with God, repent and ask for forgiveness, then move on to help your fellow man with love, compassion, understanding and forgiveness.

God doesn't like ugly. He see's, hear's our heart's and He knows us better than we know ourselves. Regardless of your beliefs all religions have one common factor that is LOVE, compassion, understanding and forgiveness with the exception of Muslim extremists they make their religion up as they go along so do not confuse them with true Muslims, as many have and will continue to do. Knowledge IS power so if you just educate yourself on various religions, it would open your eyes and "maybe" your heart.

Love and PRAYERS FOR ALL! I am lead to say, STOP and LOOK around you. LISTEN to your heart and WATCH the signs you are being given. Those who are living right will understand this, those who are not, will not, but salvation is very REAL so if intrested, just PM me!

Amy Jo, I miss you girl, PM me so we can catch up!!

Ronda you are a true friend, I couldnt ask for anyone to be as kind and loving towards me as you have been. I appreciate you and your friendship.

Congratulations to Lucy and Randall. It is wonderful to see your love for each other unfold and that you share it with us. I appreciate you both so much! I have learned alot from you both and will continue to read and be inspired by you both!! 

Joni girl, cant wait to see you next week!! Im ready for some girl time and R & R. LOL! Love Ya!

Im sure there are other's out there I have a word for here as well and will add to this list in His time. I am exhausted, physically & mentality so must rest this weekend. I shall return, Im not leaving any board because I feel unwelcomed, I just will not post, where I do not feel welcomed and I do not like message board drama. It is purely a waste of time and energy that could be better spent, reading my bible or researching prophecy a little more.

Take care my friends!! LOVE to all!

Sandy

I bet THAT ONE  that one is a shocker, huh! Just being HONEST and TRUTHFULL>

Well, it is true. I did , but fortunately we have a loving and forgiving Creator!!! HE LOVES ME, HE FORGIVES ME. I am a sinner, SAVED by the grace of God! I used Father's Day, as MY day to rededicate my life to my HOLY FATHER! I joined a non judgemental church, that HE led me to. You see, I let hypocrites, back stabbers and thoose more concerned with what you were wearing to church and what kind of car you drove, keep me from church.

IF THAT was what God was about. I didnt want any part of it. Seems there are alot of church's with member's who feel this way,  and for that reason I decided to study ALL religions, on my own, in the privacy of my home, which I have done for 8 years now.

MY church is a very small Baptist Church where no one is concerned with what you are wearing, where you live, if you are red, yellow, black or white. Isnt THAT the way it is suppose to be anyway? THAT is the song we teach our chuildren when they are small, so WHY do we NOT practice what we preach as an adult?  

Ive been praying HARD, for the last 3 months for a church family where I can grow spiritually and get involved in church related activities and a place where I can take my precious grandson's with me as well. Im still praying for my children, eventually God WILL speak to their heart, as He did mine.

Now, why did I hate God for so long you might ask.

Warning, this could be very long so click out now unless you are truely interested. If you want to use it for gossip, or talking behind my back, go ahead. I actually care less, it just speaks more for your true character when you act in such a hypocritical manner. It doesn't bother me in the least. Im used to it and it speaks volumes for your TRUE character.

Just let me say this. I LOVE YOU ALL, I PRAY each and every day FOR YOU ALL to find the true, joy, peace, comfort and happiness. I have found.

I am not perfect. I do not walk on water. I do not judge anyone for their beliefs, I love you all, reguardless and if you ever need me, Im only a PM away~!

I also PM'd those who I felt I might offended,( months ago) when I joined OH and the BB, a few years ago and let me just say only TWO have responded to my PM's, which is fine. I love and pray for you everyday too, even if you didnt respond but I will say this, if iIhave ever done anything to anyone on this website, PLEASE accept my request for forgiveness and lets talk about it, when YOU are ready.

To fully understand WHY I hated God for 8 years, I have to go all the way back to 1984, when my mother literally, was "here today and gone tomorrow". It can happen people so wake up and tell those you love just what they mean to you, each and every day. I do, Anyway, mother was diagnosed 3 years prior to her death with a mealnoma tumor (cancer) behind her left eye and she had to have the tumor and her eye removed. I was BLESSED enough to live behind her and took care of her during her recovery.

Then 3 years later she suddenly gets sick, starts having severe pain in her upper abdomen ( liver area,) and was diagnosed with metastatic liver cancer, which means it had already spread and her time was limited.

Mother DID NOT tell us, her diagnosis, she only told us she was being sent to UAB for further testing, so after a week at DCH, she came home on a Friday and suffered with terrible pain, she refused to take the pain meds but I will admit, I crushed them, diluted them and snuck them in her milk, she loved so much.

I could not stand to see her in so much pain. I should have known, I noticed while at DCH, Dr. David Hinton, an oncologist, was one of her doctors and I questioned her on this. She STILL did not tell me about the liver cancer.

My mother was a surgical technician and worked in the OR so she was friends with all the surgeons, she just brushed me off and said he was just keeping a check on her because of her melanoma they had found 3 years earlier and he was a close friend, which he was.

Well, long story short, I called her on a Sunday night, told her Id be at UAB Monday morning, she begged me not to come. My kids were small and she was just brushing me off again, saying I needed to stay home because I already had alot on my plate. My father had passed 10 years before this. I wasn't taking no for an answer, I WAS going to UAB the next morning. Work would not let me go that night and I wish now Id just quit my job and went straight up there, but hindsight IS 20/20.

I get to UAB on Monday morning, go in her room and the bed is elevated, freshly made, none of her belongings to be found, PANIC and ANXIETY immediately set in,  so I run to the nurses desk to find out she had worsened during the night ( they claimed they tried to call, but they did not, they had too many family numbers NOT to have reached one of us, including her mother, who was 70 at the time and always at home).

Anyway, I get to ICU where I find her semi concious, on a ventillator with tubes everyehere . I asked her if she knew who it was, the nurse told her it was her daughter, and she said "Brenda". I whispered to her "Mother this is Sandy and I love you so much, your gonna be just fine", THEN she realized who was there., and told me she loved me too. THANK YOU GOD for that LAST I LOVE YOU!

I spoke with the doctor who told me she was dying. He said "you knew with metastatic liver cancer, there is not much we can do". I was shocked. THIS was the first I had heard of metastatic liver cancer.

Longer story short, my sister Brenda, was in Kennesaw ,Georgia. We did not have a close relationship. Brenda was a RN, completeing her degree to be a CRNP ( Nurse Practioner)  at Emory University and working at Crawford long Hospital, she did not believe us.

She refused to come, my grandmother called her, she told my grandmother she had spoken to a nurse and the nurse told her mother was "fine", we needed Brenda there to make the family decision, to take her off life support and let her go with God.

FINALLY, Brenda shows up, evaluates the situation, and realizes she should have come immediately, but we did make the decision to remover her from life support. My only request, which they granted, was for them to give her IV Xanax, before they removed the life support. I wanted to be sure, she left this world peacefully with us all surrounded by her bed, which they also granted. We held hands, and prayed as she slipped away.

Fast forward 2 years later, keep in mind, we ( my other 3 sisters and grandmother) had tried to write and contact Brenda and she refused to respond to us, we later found out from her friends, she had told them she had a dysfunctional family, who doesnt these days!!! She disowned us.

One Sunday, during the 2 years later, I was alone at the nurses station, the staff had taken all the patients to eat. I clearly, distinctly and LOUDLY, heard my MOTHER call my name... SANDY.

I turned and no one was there, chills ran through my body, like you wouldnt believe. I searched each and every room, no one was there. It unnerved me so much I had to go outside and smoke , try to calm myself down, to try to understand what had just happened, and if I was sane or WHAT. I know NOW, It was a warning of sorts of things to come, from my Mother.

I hate to end here but you really need the FULL story to understand why I had hated God for the last 8 years. Part II will be posted later this evening, right now. I must run. Love to ALL! and I TRUELY mean it from the bottom of my heart!~*~Sandy~*~

*side note* My vision is worsening so I do have to have the letters large enough for me to see what I write so sorry if it is too big but its just something I have to do.

If anyone needs to laugh, cry, vent, rant n rave, ask for prayer or just wanna plain ole visit me, you can find me at my space. My URL is posted below. Everyone is welcomed to join me regardless of race, creed, color, nationality, religion  or obesity. I do not discriminate against anyone. LOVE you ALL!

 http://www.myspace.com/macy_jane  

Love n Light!

Sandy

Well friends, when I started updating my blog in April, I truely had a plan of  updating it at least once a week but in truth April has been a very hard month for me, emotionally. Im proud that my daughter is able to make some wise decisions for herself. I  think marrying on a "whim" was NOT one of her brightest decisions so Ive handed it over to God. What else can I do but pray to God, that he allows my so called son in law, to reveal his true self to my daughter so she can see for herself.

Ive talked till Im blue in the face and the simple fact is, our kids will not listen to our advice, in fact, most do not even want to hear it so hand it over to God, stay in prayer and feed your spirit daily with the Word! I even take my bible to work with me and every chance I get, Im reading it all over again and pondering the message I am getting it from it.

I pray for guidance and to make wise choices. One choice I have made for myself is to take care of ME for a change. When you love your family, it is HARD to think of yourself first but with my therapist Ive come to realize that my family does not appreciate me or things I do for them. My daughter does and she tells me daily what I mean to her. My son does not, he is all about 'what can you do for me". My husband is the same way. We have been together for 30 years, married for 28 and I have asked for a seperation, on MY TERMS.

Ive promised not to rush into anything legal and I wont but I need to take care of me for a change, I need peace, quiet, harmony and a chance to find myself again. Somewhere along the way, Ive lost myself.

I went and looked at a small 2 bedroom house yesterday, that I fell in love with. It is perfect for me! The price is right, beige carpet, beige walls everywhere but the kitchen. The kitchen has mahognany wood floors, grey granite counter top, white cabinets and i kid you not, BIG BIRD YELLOW dark, yellow paint. THAT will be the first change I make. Im thinking of a soft teal, using a painting technique ive learned to give the walls a shabby chic type of feel or may go dark since the living room and kitchen is a combo type thing and I have a castle motiff going on with my living room. its awesome!.  I dunno yet, once i have the keys in my hand, i will take alot of sample strips over there and decide what to do. The white cabinets will get another kind of treatment but once im done, it will be cute. I will have a bigger bedroom, and a office with a day bed, bookcaases, I plan to add, my computer, and comfy shabby chic style chair so I suppose it will be a combination home office and guest room. I cant wait for my Joni to come stay with me for a weekend!!! Anyone else ready for a weekend get away are also more than welcome! i already have a gigantic pool to set up, I just have to put up a privacy fence first but im stoked about this, cant ya tell. It is only 2 blocks from my daughter and grandson's and that was also important to me that I remain close to them.

If its still available in mid June, I will snap it up. If it isnt, I still plan to stay in the neighborhood. It is in the trailer park my daughter moved too. I can move in with her but our decorating styles clash and I prefer to live alone for once in my life, but I will still be close to my grandson's and that is the most important thing for me, right now. I love my inherited antiques and castle motiff, she is contemporary. My stuff has beeen in storage for almost 5 years now so its time to empty it out and surround myself with the things I love, the things that remind me of my deceased Mother and sister and live my life, on my terms, for a change.

My bro in law found my son a fantastic deal on a trailer yesterday. ONLY 200.00!!! Its a 14 x 70, 3 bedroom. I just knew it had to be a dump but it isnt. The man who owned it, had signed over all his belongings to the woman he was renting his lot from. The poor thing has been sick and is not doing well at all so he is hospitalized and gave his permission to sell so she sold it to me for 200.00, all household furnishings come with it. Im giving it to my son, his wife and child, they will just be responsible for moving it, setting it up and learning how to be responsible for themselves. My days of taking care of everyone's needs, but my own are OVER!

My husband is still moving the trailer, he bought us, to our lot on the river. I have told him, on my weekends off, as long as i didnt have to study ( im going for a higher nursing degree in the fall), i would come down there and spend the weekend with him. My sister also lives down there and i dont get to see her much so it will be okay with me as long as no one pressures me or tries to change my mind. I am almost 50 years old and its time for me to take charge of my life!

Now I have a PRAISE report to share. Ive been lighting candles, praying constantly, feeding my spirit as much as possible in hopes that god will open my daughter's eyes. im happy to report, she has her so called husband have been seperated for two weeks. Slowly but surely, God is showing her, he is NOT the man he claims to be. he is a chronic compulsive liar and she deserves so much better. I know she still loves keith ( her past 7 year relationship) and keith loves her. keith is supporting her during this time, even tho he lives in Birmingham, he is making sure, she and my grandson's are being taken care of, he has offered to pay for her divorce or annulment, IF she chooses to go that route. I pray so hard, she does. In my heart i know she and keith are meant to be together. keith even sent me a mothers day card! my "new SIL" didnt even acknowledge the day to my daughter, much less to his own mother. UGH! Dont get me started, Im trying so hard to make ammends and to live right. Im looking for a church right now, to get myself involved in and to get my daughter to join me. its all going to take time but it is going to happen. my faith is STRONG, and it is unshakable!!

Im not even going into weight loss stuff today, I go soon for my 3 year check up so will update on that then. Just know each and every one of YOU are prayed for each and every single day!!! we ALL have trials and tribulations to deal with and when you come to those roadblocks, feed your spirit, surround yourself with your spirtual friends, who will listen, offer advice or just lend a shoulder to cry on. it HELPS! Trust me. If you need a ear, a shoulder or just want to vent feel free to call or text. Cingular to cingular is free, my texting is unlimted. My number is 205-331-7500.

May the peace and comfort of God surround you all like a dove! I promise to update, as soon as i have better news to report. Love you all! Be Blessed! ~Sandy

Happy Surgiversary to all my surgery twins!! I sure do miss you guys! Drop me a line when you have time. I know all of us lead busy, hectic lives these days but Ive also learned we need to take time to smell the roses, so to speak. Take time for YOU! It does wonders for your mental health, trust me.

Im now seeing my therapist, twice a month. We are still working on the post truamatic stress disorder thing but I am much better, mind, body and spirit, than I was at my last post. My Paxil has been increased to 40 mg a day and it is absolutely wonderful! My Xanax has been increased to three times a day but I am gonna see if it can be increased to four times a day, on my next visit and I do feel that will be a good maintenance dosage for me.

My daughter, her hubby and my grandsons moved out yesterday. Ive had some seperation anxiety, over my grandson's, but I went by to see them this morning. The place she moved to isnt far from me and I was impressed with it. It isnt a dump, but a nice mobile home with a beautiful fireplace and mirrored wall. Once my son, his wife and son move out, I may move to where my daughter moved too just so I can be closer to my grandson's.

We do have a place on the river, but really right now, I dont know which way to go, so Im just tossing it out to my higher power and waiting for my answer and guidance. What else can you do but pray and keep the faith. Ive witnessed many miracles in my job and in my personal life so my faith is a very important part of my life. Ask, BELIEVE and you will RECIEVE!! Its the SAME principal as "THE SECRET" and if you have not seen THE SECRET, I highly advise buying it. I watch it alot, and apply the principals it speaks of and it really does work!

Im getting used to my new son in law. Im still a work in progress with him but its simply because I do not know him very well yet. I did have a talk with him, before they moved out and he is very aware, in no uncertain terms, that I will not tolerate any abuse in any shape, form or fashion. he has done nothing  to make me suspect he even would be that way but my oldest grandson is ADHD and is on Adderall and I know he can be a handful at times but they need to learn some patience with him, as I have and he will get better. I NEED to learn to STOP WORRYING so much. It is a OCD behavior but I just can't help it, right now.

Ive lost 6 pounds in 2 weeks so now Im down to 180, -142 from my highest weight ever, so far. I suspect Ive lost a few more. My jeans are baggy, where they werent two weeks ago but I will weigh tonight to see. I only weigh every two weeks, at work. I tossed my scales, pre op and havent bought any, nor do I plan too. Im not eating hardly anything, I just have no appetite anymore so I try to supplement with protein shakes and bars and get in my vitamins every day. Stress seems to be a good way to lose but I do not advise it. I advise anyone who is feeling overwhelmed and stressed out to seek help! I love my shrink! He is a good, kind, patient, christian man who listens!! FINALLY a doctor who will LITSEN to a patient.

After Sunday, I will have a whole week OFF from work, so I will update then, in the meantime, I pray for all my buds, and I hope all of you are doing well. Till next time. BE BLESSED!~ Sandy

Whoever coined the phrase ,"March Madness", certainly was not kidding! It has been a wild, crazy and extremely stressful ride, so far!

First off my beautiful, rebellious daughter, decided to run off to the courthouse and get married. Now, if she had just not ended a 7 year relationship with her ex fiance, I would not be as upset but they just broke up in Oct. 2007. I just have a "feeling", this guy is not what he presents himself to be and I have learned to trust my inner voice and judgement, over the years. Im rarely wrong about people. I pray, this time I am wrong but I also pray daily for him to reveal his true self to her and for her to have guidance nd wisdom to end this NOW. It is all I can do beside, worry myself to death, over it.

Im in the planning stages of a wedding reception, for family and friends for them but to be honest I do hope they will be divorced by the time of the event. No date has been set as of yet but Im looking at June or July, at this point. PM me with ANY ideas, suggestions, web links or recipes you may have to share. ALL are welcomed!

Needless to say, the stress of all this and has brought me to a therapist/shrink, where I was very surprised to learn , I have post truamatic stress disorder. I will not go into details, on this disorder lets just say, things have laid dormat for YEARS, but for some reason, they have now brought themselves to the surface. Im now on Xanax and it is a wonder drug for me. I can now use my coping skills and wisdom to deal with this situation, and my stressful job without going into a panic/anxiety FRENZY. I highly suggest, anyone else going through anything similar to seek help as soon as you can. Fortunately I am a state employee, so my insurance does cover this.

On the bright side, Ive lost 3 more pounds and currently down to 183. 27 more pounds to go before the wonderful tummy tuck and breast lift. Im hoping to have those done this summer, just have to work a tad harder, to get off these last few pounds first. I did update my pics, so here is the newest full body shot.

I suppose the hips and thighs will be the last things to go but I am almost in a size 12, and I do plan on getting a lower body lift, even tho I will have to pay for this myself. I will work a part time job to have it done but so what, I am worth it!

First on my list of my self improvement is to have a eye exam and get contacts. My eyesight is much worse so Ive added vitamin A to my daily regimen, then on to dental implants. My partials are way to big and it makes me self conscious so I am seriously considering a few implants with two new partials.

I am a constant work in progress and determined, I will not stop until I am in a place where I want to be. Mind, body & spirit. The holistic approach works best for me.

Many blessings and continued to success to all my dear sweet friends. Drop me a line, when you have time, and let me know how you are!

Be Blessed~! I sure am!

Sandy

Thought I would update, while I had some spare time. No weight loss for this month, HOWEVER I am still loosing inches. I bought a size 16 pants, yesterday and didnt bother to try them on. Big mistake, they literally fell off. I went back today and exchanged them for 14's, and the 14's are loose! a MAJOR WOW for this month! I do not remember ever wearing a size 14. Im sure at some point in my life, I passed the size 14 mark. All I can remember is wearing women's sizes ( 18's & 20's) when I was in the 5th grade and nearing 200.

Still procrastinating about exercise. I simply detest it. My co worker is suppose to go with me to the gym, Tuesday morning. we haven't set any tenative schedule but will shoot for 3x a week and see how it goes. I need someone to drag me to a gym, that is the only way, Im ever going to get there and start exercising. Hopefully, it will be something I enjoy, once I finally start it and if Im lucky eough for that to happen, it wont be so hard to get into a regular, working out, routine.

Food wise, I have done better this month. No episodes of not wanting to eat. It was starting to worry me and I have felt like I was having some anorexia. I just take it day by day, and make myself aware that I could very easily develop further eating disorders on the opposite side of the obesity spectrum.

Dense protein such as grilled chicken or seafood salads STILL make me feel FULL after a few bites. Ive learned to eat dense protein, roughly every two hours until I at least finish one serving. I do not have anything else with it. There is simply no room in my tummy for it. Im still sticking with grilled chicken, salmon, crab legs or shrimp as my main protein sources. Red meat still does not digest well. It just sits in my chest and it hurts so I have not missed red meat at all. I have been craving a ribeye steak but I will have to marinate and grill it myself. The steaks Ive ordered out are too tough for me, I prefer mine tender but haven't tried one in over a year. My next goal will be to try a Ribeye again, and see how it sits.

Im still supplementing with protein shakes. I do not enjoy eating meat. I have to force it in because I know I need it. I prefer beans and could eat them everyday. For lunch today, I had one fried catfish filet and it was delicious! I do not dump, and heavy grease does make me queasy but these fried filets were well drained and not greasy at all. I rarely eat anything fried, I prefer grilled but being a southern girl, I missed my fried catfish and just felt like trying it today. I wont make it a habit. Ive learned, I can have anything I want, in moderation and I do not deprive myself of anything.

I could live on soups. On days where the thoughts of food make me sick, I pick up a large container of egg drop soup and sip on it, at every meal. It always goes down well. I am picky. I never liked it before but I have found only one authentic chinese resturant locally and theirs is the bomb!

Have not had a problem with sweets this month. I have had some Godiva chocolates and they were YUMMO! I only have one piece a day and it satisfies my sweet tooth, anymore than that and I feel queasy bnut not sick. Those EVIL girl scouts have delivered my thin mints, lemon shortbread, peanut butter sandwich cookies and the new "Thanks-A-Lot" crunchy fudge covered shortbreads. Only 2 have 7 grams of sugar, 14 carbs, 6 grams of fat and 150 calories. One satifies me.

I dont know if I have learned to discipline myself or just lost my tastes for alot of sweets but one cookie or just a bite of chocolate and Im satisfied. Ive had them for almost 2 weeks now and have only had 2 cookies and those were the new lemon shorbread which are low in fat and sugar. Needless to say, the rest of the boxes went into the freezer today. Im sure my grandsons will devour them so they wont go to waste.

Ive had more headaches this month. I have a eye appt, in a few weeks. I know I need a stronger script for my glasses but this go round Im going to give contacts a try. Ive worn glasses for 20 years and my eye sight is so much worse I cant even see to put on make up without stopping, putting on my glasses, and checking my make up as I go along. I dont know if I qualify for lasik surgery but I absolutely have a fear of anyone operating on my eyes. Ive read horror stories of some going blind afterwards. Not likely but it is always a risk and Im just not willing to take that chance so if contacts work, I will go that route.

I have exactly 30 pounds to get to my goal of 156 pounds! I am 5'9" and that would put me at a "normal" weight for my height. 149 I am considered "underweight" I dont expect to ever hit that low. I have 12 weeks of sick time saved up and 5 weeks of vacation time, which will increase by the time Im ready for plastics. If I cant be off with pay, I cant afford to be off so it is well worth, not taking a vacation last year to save up my time. I plan to go for a tummy tuck and breast lift/implants, once I hit 156 pounds. Im told I do not look like I need plastics. Clothes hide alot. LOL. My tummy has shrunk on the outside  as well and I tend to wear long tops that cover well so to the average person, my tummy looks flat but when the clothes come off, watch out! My arms do not look bad right now so I have no plans for brachioplasty. To be honest, Id rather have a face lift first off, more than anything else. My cheeks have thinned and the lines are more prominet with the loose skin from weight loss. My insurance probably wont cover it so Im still adding to my savings and I will self pay for that procedure, if I have too. Im well worth it.

I suppose this pretty much covers my Feburary so far. im going to try to update pictures next week and will get those uploaded as soon as I have time. I think I will try to do updated pictures every other month till I hit goal. I can SEE the difference in pictures even tho, in my head, I still see the 325 pound girl. This body image stuff lingers, and Im not so sure it will ever get better but Im a work in progress. Till next time, take care, friends!

I am so bad about updating my blog. I see it is important for us older post op's, to keep those researching and newer post op's informed. I will try to keep up monthly but cant make any promises...LOL

As of today, Im down 9 more pounds. Down to 180 from my all time high of 325. I dont understand it. I am almost 3 years post op and while I have lost slowly, it continues to drop. I have never experienced a gain so far and I knock on wood, I never do. I weigh every two weeks to keep my weight in check, if I see it going back up, I will be diligent with loosing more. That makes a total of 19 pounds since Thanksgiving, lost. I wont say I am concerned at this point, I can get to 150 for my height before I need to worry about loosing anymore. I will see where I am in April when I see my surgeon for my 3 yr check up and get his feedback on it.

I have noticed I no longer care to eat. I can go all day without eating a thing and I know I cant do that. I still supplement with Matrix protein, Unjury protein and chicken soup and Achieveone daily and still indulge in OH YEAH wafer bars, daily but as far as eating, I can be satisfied with just soup. I can not tolerate red meat of any kind. Chicken hurts my pouch even moist chicken. The only thing that I can tolerate fine and fortunately LOVE is grilled salmon, grilled or marinated shrimp, and crab legs and seafood salad with a baked sweet potato.

Some days I feel like I might be leaning towards anorexia and when I do, I do make a conscious effort to eat. Im even adding snacking now because I am consciously aware it is a real possibility for me to stop eating altogether. I dont want to trade one eating disorder with another one, so if I feel like Im leaning towards that I will make an appointment and see my psych who did my pre op evaluation.

I still have not had soda. I have tried a few times but the carbonation kills me and makes me nauseated. Even letting it go flat, tastes awful to me ( too sweet, even diet soda) so I stick to water only and coffee in the mornings. Not sure if this has anything to do with my continued loss or not but I just do not care for anything besides water, to drink.

I still procrastinate about exercising. I hate it and do not do it. I never stop at work, I go 8 full hours almost on my feet constantly so I call that my exercsie knowing good and well it isnt. I do have a gym membership with a co worker and she is motivating me to start going with her this week. Not sure when I will start, it might be in the morning but Im glad to have a buddy to do this with.

I can finally wear my husbands jeans!! My MAJOR WOW moment for January! My husband has always been underweight, he has only gained 20 pounds in the 27 years we have been married. He wears a men's size 34. I grabbed a pair thinking they were mine but they were way too long ( he is 6'2") and got to looking and they were his. He didnt freak out but i told him I was going shopping and he grabbed his coat and said he was going too. LOL... He detests shopping so I thought that was kinda funny, besides he was free with his credit card so I hope to take him shopping some more.

I put on my 18's the other day and they literally fell off so I grabbed a size 16 jean and they are loose. It wont be long until I can drag out my 14's and Im going to pay it forward with the 18's and 16's, to my WLS buddy who can use em.

I have had NO complications to date except for anemia. I had chronic anemia before WLS, so I knew this would be a problem for me. I just had a weeks worth of iron infusions and am starting to feel better, with more energy this week. My surgeon suggests looking into a hysterectomy and I am going to be doing that asap. I have over 400 hours of sick time and over 350 hours of vacation and holidays I can take at work, and still be paid, while I am off. I was saving that time for plastics and my trip to England and Scotland but I may can return within 4 weeks so I wont use up all my time.

The best advice I can give a newbie to is to go with this at your own pace and do not compare your loss to others. LEARN good habits and LEARN to love healthier food along the way. It makes the journey alot easier. Toss the scales and only weigh once a month or every two weeks. If you see a gain do not panic, realize this is normal and may happen at some point and time just keep a check on it and watch it that it doesn't get out of control. I think for me, it helps me to keep myself in check to avoid a massive gain, which I may do down the road. NOTHING is gone "forever" and I keep it in the back of my mind at all times, I can gain back and I can get fat again unless I stay aware and focus on my goals and weight.

One other motivator for me was to start a savings account just for ME, as a post op. I have saved constantly for the last 3 years. I plan to treat my grandchildren to Disney World this summer and next summer I am going to treat myself to my dream vacation, AFTER I have my abdominoplasty and breast lift. I want to get to 150 before I have plastics. My insurance will cover these, so I may as well take advantage of it.

I have always wanted to go to England and Scotland. My ancestors immigrated from Dornoch, Scotland and the Highlands in 1842 so I am going to book an ancestral tour,  ( goggle ancestral tours if interested in discovering your roots)based on my geneology, and will get to visit the resting place of my ancestors. That is a geneologists dream, for me anyway! I can get two weeks off from work, id like to stay three so I still have another year to barter with my supervisor and do some overtime for them, to swing it...LOL

Overall, I have absolutely NO REGRETS whatsoever on my RNY! Ive never been happier, my husband has never been happier, it strengthed my marriage where some do fail but ours seems to be thriving and we may be moving to our lot on the river, by the summer. We have bought a lot by the Black Warrior River and it is so peaceful and serene and just the place Id like to spend the rest of my days at and retire too, although I have around 10 years or less before I can retire from the state, but as soon as I hit my 25 years, I plan to be a housewife and fulltime grandma and draw my state retirement until I can draw social security if it is even around at that time. Life is just too short to work all the time, and not enjoy your family.We have purchased a mobile home that will be moved there, next week and eventually we will probably build us a house and set the mobile home on the back lot, for one of the kids, if they should need a place to stay or when they visit.

Anywho, just rambling but wanted to update while it was on my mind and will try to give a monthly update, with some new photos, in Feburary. Take care, all my buds, and BE BLESSED!