grace H.

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can't figure out how to change my profile picture...go to my photos to see updated photos

hey guys,

 

sorry it's been so long since i've blogged. sometimes i get a little lazy lol. so updates...well i've lost 197 pounds! my personal goal is 200 down, my surgeon things i can make it to 220 down. but once i am 220 down i am gonna make another goal of 300 pounds lost. that would put me at 127,,,but i will be happy between 130 and 140.

 

these past two years have been nuts. i have had five more surgeries since the bypass and all of those were within the past year.

first, i was having pain in my right side and they discovered i had gall stones...so i had my gallbladder removed in february. the pain didn't subside, so my bariatric surgeon decided to do an explorative laparoscopy on may 24.the surgeon discovered I had a bunch of scar tissue that had bound my intestines up...so he cut it all out and thought the issue was fixed. 2 weeks later I was completely unable to hold any food down. I couldn't even hold water down...so I went to my surgeon and he hospitalized me. I was severely dehydrated because I couldn't eat or drink...so he decided to do another exploratory laparoscopy. he found that my roux tube was completely clogged up so he had to cut me completely open. he had to make a new roux tube and make my stoma smaller...I also lost a little bit of my pouch. my pouch had also grown fused to my liver so he had to peel the liver from the pouch. they were getting ready to staple me up when he realized that 3 feet of my intestine were dying before his eyes...so he had to remove the 3 feet. an operation that was supposed to take 1 hour took 5. i then started to get severely sick. i got pneumonia and paratinitis in my stomach and some people were even saying i had sepsis. i was admitted to the ICU early the next morning after my surgery. my pulse was running between 150 and 180 and they couldn't get it to go down...and my BP was running around 175/110. i also had to have two blood transfusions later on that day they discovered that my liver was leaking bile, so they again had to open me up. i was in the ICU for 4 days and in the hospital for a total of 11. i'm not completely recovered but i am feeling a lot better than i did.

some people ask me if all of this is worth it. i say HECK YES...i have lost almost 200 pounds and i know when all of this is over i will be happy and healthy as ever.

hey guys i thought i should update lol since it has been SO FRIGGIN LONG. so i had my surgery on may 3 and it was smooth sailin. i even took the pain like a champ! so far i am down 61 pounds!! WOOHOO!!!! that's about all i have to say. if you guys want you can add me to facebook. search grace louise and i live in grove city, ohio. there is an amazing WLS support group that i can add you to. it is mostly females but they are so helpful with any and every question you may have!

Here is a list of things that I will be able to do or do easier after I lose all my weight. I figure that when I get discouraged I can always come back to the list and remember why I started this journey in the first place. Here goes=] Feel free to add any of these to your list.

1.Fly in an airplane
2.Ride a roller coaster
3.Donate bone marrow
4.Learn to ballroom dance
5.Learn to swing dance.
6.Learn to pole dance(lol)
7.Climb a rock wall
8.Go skydiving
9.Cross my legs
10.Go to the pool without feeling ashamed
11.Have children
12.Wear cute shoes
13.Learn to rollerblade
14.Fully submerge myself in bath water
15.Have regular periods
16.Not get exhausted so easily
17.Sleep without a CPAP machine
18.Walk across campus without getting winded or
getting a leg cramp.
19.Go shopping with my normal sized friends
20.Find cute clothes that fit me in the thrift store
21.Buy a bra without having an anxiety attack
22.Buy underclothes at Wal-Mart
23.Not have to worry about breaking a chair when I sit on it
24.Travel the world
25.Volunteer
26.Play twister
27.Run a mile
28.Go clubbin' and not feel embarassed to dance
29.Ride on the back of a motor cycle
30.Be able to stand or sit in one position for a period of time
without my legs or feet falling asleep
31.Ride comfortably in the backseat of a compact car
32.Wear a normal sized necklace
33.Wear a normal sized ring
34.Wear an ankle bracelet
35.COLLAR BONES!!!!!
36.Be able to wear a skirt
37.Get up early to exercise
38.Swim laps in the pool
39.Get a tattoo on my ribcage
40.Have more self esteem
41.Sit on the floor indian style
42.Chase around after little kids
43.Climb a ladder without being scared to break it
44.Sleep comfortably in bed with someone else
45.Learn to do a cartwheel
46.Do a sommersault
47.Sit indian style in a chair
48.Feel like I fit in with other girls
49.Find my soulmate
50.Learn to live

May 3!!!!!! I'm so exciteddd=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]

It's finally time to get excited! I got my letter of approval from the insurance today!!!!!!!!! WOOOHOOO!!!!!!!!!=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=]

I had been watching the mail since Tuesday. And finally today it came in the mail. My mom went to get the mail and came in the house screaming, "WE GOT THE LETTER!"  She threw it at me and I opened it. It said that they have determined that I am eligible for the RNY surgery. I think my mom is more excited than I am! lol. She started jumping up and down and screaming and crying. My family is so supportive of me. My dad is worried for me, but he still wants me to go through with this. My brother and my sister-in-law (who are both twigs) are EXTREMELY happy for me. The thought that so many people love and support me makes my heart so full. I am crying just writing about it! 

My friends try to act happy for me, but I know some of them really aren't (even though they want to be so bad). The other day I was talking to a friend about it and she said, "You know I am REALLY happy for you but you know me I'm still gonna be jealous and be like 'You look better than me?! Aww hell no!'" I told her that I looked better than her anyway. Lol. I am worried that I will lose some friends in this process. But I have already made some. Granted, they aren't in person..I met them on OH. But I still consider them friends!  

It's weird to look back and realize that when I was younger, I thought I would be obese my entire life. Now, I know I won't be..and that is the most exciting thing EVER. I feel like I finally have hope now. Not hope that my life will get better, I am very happy with my life right now. I am happy with the people in it, and the direction that it is going in. But I have hope that FINALLY my body will fit my person. All my life, it has been like I was this nice, beautiful person stuck in a fat person's body. I know I have a ways to go...but I am actually looking forward to the ride. I am looking forward to the knowledge about myself and the world that I will obtain, as well as the new experiences I will have and the people I will meet. Oh, the places I will go!

I AM SO FREAKIN EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you guys think of my new layout?

I have never been so excited, scared, and worried all at the same time. After six months of doctor supervised dieting, I finally sent my papers to United Healthcare. The insurance lady at my hospital told us that I had everything that we needed and that I will be approved within the next two weeks. The insurance adjusters at my hospital as well as my surgeon, family doctor, psychiatrist and counselor all say that UHC is really good about approving this type of thing. My mom's best friend had UHC and got approved the first time. Needless to say, everyone is extremely confident that I will get my approval. 

I am so impatient that I know these next two weeks are going to go by SO slowly. But all I can do is wait...and as I wait I think. I am so worried that this isn't going to go through the insurance as smoothly as they say and that something ridiculous is going to happen to push the date back even further. I am excited because things are finally starting to pick up...and I am scared because I feel like this is never going to happen. No way in hell, I don't deserve it. But the thing is that I DO deserve it. I deserve to be healthy and do things that everyone else does.

I'm not scared of things that could go wrong with the surgery yet...if I ever will be. I know there is a chance of death, but I have a higher chance dying early staying the way I am...so the risk with surgery is one that I am willing to take.

I am pretty much happy with myself right now. But who knows, maybe I am unhappy and don't know it because I have never known what it is like to truly be happy with myself. I have never been able to fit the girly clothes, and I never did girly things. To this day I don't really fit in with other girls. Not even at work or in college. I think a lot of it is because of my size. A lot of people see me and are so quick to judge, but in a way I am HAPPY that my size has held those people back because I wouldn't want such nasty people in my life anyway. Even so, I am still being held back by my size. I can't move as well as a 20-year-old is supposed to. I don't sleep like a 20-year-old is supposed to. I don't socialize the way I am supposed to...I don't really do anything the way I am supposed to and I feel that all of this is because of my weight.

For instance, now that I know that at one point in my life I WILL be smaller than I have ever been...the path that I am wanting to take is different. There are careers that I have thought of but never looked at because of my size. There are places I want to go and things I want to see. Before,when I first decided I would love to do or see something, I would quickly dismiss it because I couldn't fit in the plane seats, or couldn't join the Peace Corp because I wasn't healthy enough. I couldn't be an ER nurse because if something happened that required me to run across the hospital, I physically could never do it. Now, when I look at my future, instead of saying "I can't." I think "OHMYGOD I really CAN do those things!!!" I have so much hope now. And that is the most exciting thing of all.

I am about to go on a huge journey. Where I will end up, I am not so sure. I do know that I will hold on tightly and enjoy the ride, and welcome this new life with open arms.


Grace

     I went on September 2, 2010 for a consultation for bariatric surgery. The appointment went very well. I was extremely nervous going in because the usual doctor experience for me is some tiny nurse weighing me and looking at me in disgust when she sees how much I weigh, and then a doctor telling me that I am having problems because I am lazy and won't get up and lose weight. This wasn't at all what I experienced at the Barix Clinic in Columbus. Everyone was extremely nice and understanding, and some of them had even had the surgery themselves.
    
     Since I am in college, I will be covered under my mom's insurance until I am 26. When we went, we thought that we were going to have to appeal the insurance, but the office at Barix Clinc came back saying that UHC does usually cover it. So that was a huge relief for everyone. We waited and waited and waited and we finally got a letter in the mail saying that I needed proof that I have been considered obese for a while now and documentation of my attempt at dieting for six consecutive months from my family doctor. So, we called my family doctor (who is amazing) and he said he will give me the information but he insisted that I come in for a physical to make sure that he is comfortable with me having surgery first.

     Sometimes it's really hard for me to be positive about things. I am mostly positive about the insurance going through and I am very willing to do whatever I have to do to get the weight off, but the other night I was having a hard time with it. I was crying and telling my mom that I felt like I was just going to be fat forever. She gave me probably some of the best advice I've ever heard. She told me that if God doesn't want something to happen, he will slam the door of opportunity shut pretty quick. However, doors just keep opening for me and things are going extremely well. That gives me a lot of comfort...

     Now, on to my friends and the people who should be supportive of me. All of my friends that I have told are friends that I have had since childhood except for one. I have this good friend who is probably a size 18-20 (I'm a size 26-28) Well, our entire lives she has been the one guys paid attention to. Not because she was more attractive than me because I am gorgeous, but because she was smaller than me. Anyway, the other day we were talking and I told her one day I hope to fit in a pair of jeans from Hollister, and when I can fit in those jeans, I am going and forking out the money, just to say I own a pair of those jeans. This to which she responded "Pshht. I can't even wear those jeans." I told her, it doesn't matter whether she can wear them or not, I will one day be able to wear those. She just got quiet. She's jealous and it really bothers me. I don't remember ever being able to wear "normal" clothing. When I was young, my mom had to put me in those stretchy exercise pants with the elastic around the bottom of the foot because adult jeans were too big but girl's jeans were too small. And when I finally get an opportunity for something to actually change and go well for me, she has to just put a damper on it!

     Another problem I seem to be having is when I do tell a friend, they say "Oh I wish I could have that surgery!" When they are only, like, thirty pounds overweight (sorry if I just offended anyone). It seems like people do think I am taking the "easy way out"...but who would think of this as easy? The physical pain I will go through for a while until I am healed...and I can deal with the change in the lifestyle. But I will go through a lot of emotional changes also. Why would I spend so much time and money on having a surgery to lose weight if I could lose it on my own? And why can't people just be HAPPY for me? I am so excited and I feel like I have to tone that down around certain people just because they are jealous that I have this opportunity.

Well, I really don't know what else to write! Thanks for reading my little rant! lol.

Grace