JerseyMom
October 31, 2006 -111 lbs.
If you see a change in me don't wonder...I found a whole new life...A hope that I can't hide...For I've been reborn ... ~Rebecca St. James
I cannot believe it! It has been one full year today since my very first post here! Wow...what an incredible year it has been! Gosh, I could get so sentimental and mushy here...but, instead, I will just list some of the incredible things that have come to pass this year!
- I was given a new lease on life on January 30, 2006. I am so thankful to everyone who played a role in that. I want to thank my friend, Meredith, for having the courage to have this operation. If I did not see her success, I would NEVER have done this on my own. I want to thank my husband for seeing that this was my only option...and for supporting me 100%. I want to thank my Mom for setting aside her intense concern over this operation and seeing, also, that this was my only way out. I was totally on the fence about doing this. To see her reaction, I lied and told her, "Mom...I am definitely going to have the surgery." I know the concept terrified her but she had tears in her eyes and said, "I would just love to see you not have to deal with this anymore." Those words freed me to have the surgery. I want to thank the incredible skill of my surgeon, Dr. Abkin. I have been complication-free since surgery. I want to thank United Health Care for being a good enough company to approve this operation and, finally, I want to thank MY company for not having an exclusion on WLS and for letting me have the time off.
- None of the struggles I faced earlier on (the head hunger...the worrying about failing)...NONE of it compares to how wonderful I feel now! This journey was absolutely worth the struggle that it was and will be for the rest of my life.
- I have lost 111 lbs of disgusting, life-limiting lard!
- When I walk into a room, I never do the "scan" anymore to see if I am the biggest person there.
When I have to maneuver through a crowded room, I no longer start to sweat thinking that I might not be able to squeeze past a table...or a person...whatever. I know I will fit. And, if I don't, I know it is because the space is too small...not because I am too big!
- I went from someone who became suicidally (not really) depressed when clothes shopping to someone who wishes BIG TIME that I had not wasted all that money on FOOD over the years so I could buy any clothes I want now.
- I went from wearing the same three shirts over and over (because they were all that fit) to being one of (if not THE) best-dressed women in my office.
- One year ago today I often went out of the house without makeup...wearing ripped sweats and praying fervently that I would not run into anyone I know. Now, even if I am just running to the post office, I go out in style...and often think, "Oh, please let me run into someone I know!" Hee hee.
I no longer feel as if I "do not belong" in stores such as The Gap, Old Navy, etc. (well, at least I MOSTLY don't feel this way! )
- Oh, I could go on and on! As I sit here typing, I realize that I just do not want this feeling to go away. The feeling of being totally confident in the way I look...in the person I am. I think if we were all born thin...and lived our lives thin, we would not have all these wonderful feelings. Because we have seen what it is like on the other side...and we have fought our way here! I think, when I first had this surgery, I could not wait until I made goal and stopped thinking about the surgery, altogether. But I NEVER want to stop thinking about it! I always want to remember where I came from...and how wonderful I feel now. I never want to take this tool for granted.
- Again, I could sit here and type non-stop for two days about all the things that have changed and that I am grateful for. But I want to take a moment to say what I am, perhaps, MOST thankful for. And that is for my January 2006 message board. In this past year, they have been nothing short of miraculous for me. They have been there to dry my tears, to give me inspiration and sway me from temptation. They have granted me absolution for my failures and have cheered on my every success. I would never have made it this far without them! Thank you SO MUCH, you guys! I love each and every one of you!!!
Happy Halloween, everyone! I am a 35-year-old, married Mom. And I am SO excited to continue my journey!
