JustJean

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10/9/06 Wow, it's been a long time since I've updated. I generally just lurk through the message boards! I've gone back to work, after four weeks. I planned for three, but I knew I wasn't ready. My boss called several times, and others called to let me know how it was going (or wasn't), so I was a little concerned about what it would be like there, and I knew I needed to get back. I've got things back on track, and have jumped on planning our February convention. I can't wait - I'll see all of the reps and people that I don't see on a regular basis. By then, I hope to be in a size 12 - we'll see! (SIZE 12?? I don't think I've EVER worn that size!!) So, back to the surgery... The first couple of weeks were tough - I'm not going to lie about that. Having the drainage tube made everything uncomfortable, and I tried not to leave the house - it was pretty ugly. I did walk around the complex a little bit, but didn't venture far. Since returning to work, I haven't had as many opportunities to walk, so I haven't been losing as quickly as I think I should. I'll get back to that later... Once the tube was out, everything got better. I can sleep on my stomach now. I can bathe instead of shower. I don't have to spend 10 minutes every morning and evening changing the dressings. I still have about a three-inch scar where it was, along with four other two-inch scars that will probably always remind me what life was once like. That's ok with me. I'm a little over six weeks out now, and I still have a very hard time trying to get all of the recommended water, protein, and supplements down. In the morning, I get up and ready for work, and then on the drive, I mix a bottle of water with a Crystal Light-type drink (usually Orange) and drink it on the way to work, while I take my thyroid pill, my Pepcid, my Biotin, my B-12, and two Flintstone Complete vitamins. My doctor doesn't recommend the Flintstones, but I couldn't tolerate the bariatric vitamins, and my Mom and my cousin were both told to take Flintstones after their surgeries. Anyway, I digress... Once I get to work, I either drink a chocolate protein shake or stop on the way to pick up a breakfast burrito. If I pick up food, I open the burrito and eat only the eggs, meat, and cheese - the story of my life, it seems. I usually can't eat more than about 1/3 of the insides of the burrito, but I do add salsa or hot sauce, generally. 90 minutes after I've taken my last bite, I open another bottle of water, and try to get all of that down by lunchtime. I usually bring something for lunch, and warm it up at work. People laugh at me, because there are times that I'll bring a chicken thigh, and eat it for two or three different meals. I can't eat much. I worry a little, because I eat sauce on everything. Now, my doctor said sauce was ok - that taste was important. My concern is that I seem to be able to eat barbeque sauce or dressings, whatever - without any dumping. I don't want to be one of the "lucky ones" that doesn't dump on sugar. It sounds like a great way to avoid eating things I shouldn't! I haven't tried sugar, in it's refined form, or any carbs. I've eaten cream soup a couple of times, because the doctor said that I could if I had trouble keeping solid food down. Other than that, my diet consists of meat, seafood, cheese, and eggs. It gets pretty boring sometimes. On the other hand, I don't eat for enjoyment anymore. I eat because I have to. After lunch, I wait 90 minutes and then open another water (sometimes I mix it with another flavor of CL). Usually, I drink it on the way home from work. Then, once I get home, I find something to eat, and 90 minutes later, I open more water. I have about eight half-drunk bottles of water on my bed right now. I don't ever finish it by the end of the night. I also have to take two more Flintstone vitamins before bed, and I'm supposed to take an iron and two calcium tablets sometime during the day. I don't. I also can't take the potassium. The surgeon wants me to take two a day, but every single time I've taken it - no exceptions - I get sick. Today was the last time I will ever take a potassium tablet. I was so sick all day - I threw up even the smallest swallow of water. My primary doctor said that the only side effect of potassium deficiency would be leg cramps and possible heart-fluttering. She also said that there would not be any permanent damage. If I have any issues with it, I may just have to eat a banana - I don't know. So anyway, overall, I know I've done pretty well. In six weeks, I've lost 38 pounds. I've had my period twice in those six weeks, and both times, I've lost absolutely nothing for an entire week. I went to Disneyland at four weeks out, and had the best time of my life! I rode every ride - never thought twice about whether the seat belt would fit around me. It was the most fun I think I've ever had at D'land. We walked all day long, and I never got too tired. We had this planned for months, for my nephew's fifth birthday, and I thought I'd spend all day walking from ride to ride, then sitting and waiting for the rest of the family to get off the ride. WRONG! I just can't tell you how much fun I had! This was the week after my first period, and the next day, I'd lost two pounds. I continued to lose about two pounds a day until I'd lost twelve, then stopped again... Geez... I am sure that if I got more exercise and drank more water, I would lose faster, but now that I'm back at work, I'm lucky if I have enough energy to sit at my desk at night and check my email! Well... I think I've rambled enough for one night. I will update again soon - but I have one more thought... Do you know how exciting it is to shop in the regular section of the department store, and not the "Women's" section?? I am LOVING IT! I have to restrain myself from buying too many clothes, because I know I'll just be giving them away in a few weeks (God willing). But it is so much fun, and so much cheaper too!! Good luck and good losing to everyone! 9/13/06 Finally, I feel ready to sit here for a few minutes and update. It's been a tough road, but no one ever said it was easy, right? And just so you all know - next time I hear someone say WLS is "the easy way out" (and you know they will), I just might go ballistic on them! LOL So - I know that prior to surgery, I wanted details and scanned others' profiles for information, so I'm going to go into detail on my own experience. I think it was probably pretty routine, as these surgeries go. I arrived at the hospital and they weighed me in (275). After changing into a gown, I sat and visited with my family until the OR was ready for me, and then was wheeled in. It was kind of odd, going in there conscious. My only other experience with surgery was a Caesarean birth, more than 20 years ago, and I don't remember much about it at all... Anyway, the people in the OR were all so nice - they kept telling me they were going to send me to Hawaii... Well, I'm deathly afraid of deep water, so I said "No - I don't want to go there!" The anesthesiologist (sp?) asked where I wanted to go, and I told him I didn't care, as long as I stayed out through the whole process! He laughed, and within just a few seconds, I was gone. Next thing I knew, I was waking up in ICU - no pain - felt wonderful! A little bit later, another girl from some of my classes was wheeled in, and she wasn't having an easy time of it. I felt so bad for her... I was in recovery for hours, but only because my room wasn't ready for me. Eventually, I was wheeled to a regular room. It was private, which I didn't really expect, so that was a pleasant surprise. My family was there to greet me, of course, and I felt pretty good. That night passed pretty quickly - until about 2:30 a.m. It was at that point that the nurse caught me wide awake, and "suggested" (demanded) that I take a walk around the hall. Actually, I was OK with that, but I didn't have my suitcase - no robe or slippers. She wrapped me up in another gown and gave me booties, and I was on my way, pulling my IV along beside me. That was actually a good thing, because it gave me something to hold on to. All of the nurses were nice at St. Bernardine's - except one who didn't seem to be very friendly. But they all encouraged me to walk frequently, and to drink lots of liquid. They removed the catheter the next day, which of course made it easier to walk, and I think it was day two that they took out the IV. They gave me a pillow, specially designed for WLS patients, that is very firm and shaped sort of like a kidney bean. It helped to hold it against my stomach when I tried to get out of bed and has been very helpful even now, when I sleep. When I left the hospital, I still had a drainage tube that drew fluids out of my abdominal cavity. I had to empty it every couple hours at first, but it decreased a lot. I believed they'd remove it at my 10-day check up, but the doctor found that it was infected. They did, however, remove most of the tubing. As I was laying there, describing a very low cramp that was troublesome, he was pulling tube out of my body... and I got another cramp! When he finished, it was gone. It appeared that the tubing was lying on some part of my lower abdomen and was causing the cramp when it was pulled or disturbed. I haven't felt that particular pain since! I went back to the surgeon yesterday. Since surgery (17 days ago), I'd lost 25 pounds. He removed the last of the drainage tube, but says I have to keep taking the antibiotics. I am having a horrible time trying to get in enough liquids and all of the vitamins and supplements I'm supposed to take. I just can't force more into my body than it will take! I am eating about 1 1/2 oz of solid food per meal, and have to really make myself take it all in. I thought I was doing better than that - but someone sent me a diet scale and blew my opinion of what a small plate of tuna weighed! I'm trying harder now. I have to make myself take the pills, and find it easier if I drink hot tea first. Guess I better get more decaffeinated teabags. Overall, I think I've had it pretty easy. No complications (thank God), and lots of love and support from my family. I'm hoping to go back to work next week (I've heard they need me back!), but not sure if I'll be ready for the 45 minute drive both ways. Most days, I feel very dizzy (because I'm not getting enough fluids, according to the doctor). I don't want to drive in LA traffic until I know I won't lose consciousness... So - we'll wait and see how the next few days go... Anyway - hoping for good events for all of you! 9/2/06 It's done. Friday morning, I was at the hospital ready for action. It was pretty uneventful, and I woke up in ICU (recovery) several hours later. I expected some pain, so it went pretty well. I couldn't wait to come home. Dr. Krahn released me on Sunday night, and I came home to sleep on the couch downstairs for a couple of days. I couldn't face the stairs. Since Tuesday morning, I've been up here, fairly comfortable, under the circumstances. I hate the JP. Pureed food isn't so bad - I eat cottage cheese, tuna, and scrambled eggs. Tried chicken tonight - not so great. I think I'll wait until I can eat it normally before I try chicken again. I can live on cottage cheese, tuna, and eggs. I hate the JP. I'm really tired, so I'll get into more detail another night - for now - I have to get some rest. Goodnight, and good luck to all - losers and hopeful losers! 8/24/06 It's time. I have spent the day preparing, physically and emotionally, for tomorrow. I think I'm ready. I was off work exactly one hour and 15 minutes (9:15 this morning) when my boss called for the first time. It was another two and a half hours before he called again. My daughter suggested I give him her cell phone number for tomorrow, when I'm in surgery and won't have my phone with me. She was kidding. I wasn't. This afternoon, our doorbell rang. We were both upstairs, so we ran down to see who was at the door (it's pretty unusual for anyone to ring our bell unexpectedly). There was my sister, her three boys, and my mom - who lives in Oregon! I had a feeling she'd be here, but I wouldn't ask her. She was here just two weeks ago to help out my sister, and the scheduling of the surgery was bad timing. With airfare as high as it is, and having to miss work, I would never ask my parents to go to that expense - but wow - was I happy to see her. It turns out my brother and sister worked on getting her here - I can't tell you how thankful I am. So, I've picked up my prescriptions, ordered my supplements, showered with the anti-bacterial scrub, and I think I'm all packed. Wish me luck - just as I wish the best for all of you! 8/22/06 Well, it's getting emotional. Sunday, my daughter and I cleaned out my closet and put all of the clothes that were already too big for me in bags. Five trash bags later, my closet was empty, and I was sobbing. Am I crazy? It was just so hard! As I took each piece of clothing off the hanger, I'd remember something - my daughter's graduation - my cousin's funeral - a friend's wedding... The worst part was when I took down a purple shirt with embroidered flowers and butterflies. When my five-year-old nephew was about two, he would sit on my lap and gently touch the stitches, saying "b'fly"... now he has two baby brothers who are about 13 months old, and they're just starting to talk. I was looking forward to teaching them how to say butterfly, too... I couldn't get rid of that shirt. I kept it in my closet, and when I told my sister about it, she suggested I make a pillow out of it. Perfect suggestion! My room is lavender and purple, so it will be just perfect. It was still hard... on Monday, I took the five bags of clothes to work to give them to a dear friend - someone I've known for 25 years. Handing them to her was like giving away part of my life. Now, I know, my new life will be so much better - but it's just so hard to close a door behind me. Some of this, I'm sure, stems from my fear of being "normal". I've been obese for as long as I can remember. I never, ever felt like a normal person. I don't know how to be normal. Can I do it? Can I act as though wearing shorts outside in the summer isn't the scariest thing I'll ever have to do? I've NEVER worn shorts - unless my mom put them on me when I was baby - I certainly don't remember... Anyway - I cried a lot these past two days. I am blaming it on the tension that I refuse to acknowledge. I AM NOT AFRAID... I Am Not Afraid... I am not afraid... am I? I believe that my surgeon knows what he's doing, and I believe the hospital has this surgery and the aftercare down pat. I'm not afraid. I know that the life ahead is unbelievably better than the one I've lived for the past 45 years. I'm not afraid. I am certain that I will bounce back from the surgery and that I will thrive as I escape this life of pain and disappointment. I am not afraid... 8/19/06 Well, today I joined PartyLite again! I am so looking forward to being involved with this wonderful organization again! It will give me another reason to heal - I have to meet certain qualifications by the end of September, so I'll have to go back to my regular job so that I can do PL shows too! As much as I love my day job, I don't know that I'll be real anxious to return after being home for a couple of weeks! I sold PartyLite candles years ago, but quit when I gained weight and was dealing with depression - then moved to Las Vegas - try selling candles when the temperature is 110 degrees! Not easy! Anyway, I denied myself the joy of rejoining for years because I wasn't comfortable with my weight. I'm not a real outgoing person, but I love the product so much, it's very easy to share it with other people. I'm hoping that I can get started within 30 days, and I'm going to use my profits for new clothes and fun stuff! I don't do it for the money - but heck - if they're going to pay me, I'm going to enjoy it!! I started to panic just a little today - I get anxious sometimes. I started thinking about all the things I have to do before I go to the hospital, and I got nothing done today (aside from the PL meetings!). My mom had WLS about two years ago, so when she visited a couple of weeks ago, she brought me clothes in every size! I have them spread all over my bed, and I need to organize my closet by size so that it will be easy enough to find something to wear afterward. Luckily, I have a huge walk-in closet all to myself, so it will be like having my own little clothing store! Ok, so her idea of style doesn't match mine in some cases, but if I'm going through sizes as quickly as she did, I don't want to buy several outfits every couple of weeks! I want to save my money to buy tons of new clothes when I reach my goal! I have to pack a bag, and make sure my home is clean before I leave - although my daughter will be home alone while I'm in the hospital, so hopefully, she'll keep it straightened up. Oh - I forgot to update after I saw Dr. Krahn last week! It was interesting - there are two other ladies with whom I've been to various classes who will be having their surgeries the same day - so we'll be walking the halls together! It all seems to be going so quickly now - it's like they shifted into high gear! I'm looking forward to this - it will be a life-changing experience... I'll update when I get home from the hospital, if I don't come in again until then - just five more days!!!

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From Go-Quiz.com Isn't this funny? These are all the things I hope to be soon, once I'm a "loser"!! 8/13/06 Well, I saw my PCP last week to have all the pre-op testing done, and did my female stuff at the same time. Everything they were able to read immediately had good results, and the rest I'll find out later - but I'm sure I'm doing fine. I feel pretty confident about all of this, and I know that in another two weeks, I'll officially be on the "loser's side". I have an appointment with Dr. Krahn on Tuesday 8/15/06 for my pre-op with him, then I go to the hospital for pre-op there. I'm getty slightly more nervous about surgery as time goes on, but I don't have serious concerns yet. I'm worried about things like being bored during my stay, and not being able to use my cell phone. Will report back after I see Dr. Krahn next week... good luck to all! 8/5/06 Well, we spent the day at Victoria Gardens, sort of an outdoor mall. There's a fountain there the kids can run through - they loved that - and we had ice cream. I knew I shouldn't, but I also knew that I had to have it one more time before surgery - who knows how long it will be before I can enjoy it again? The walking was good for me, though! 8/4/06 It's so odd, being in a room with a bunch of women, and feeling normal. I went to a Partylite show tonight (LOVE CANDLES!) but it was especially interesting because there were many other women there who are bigger than I. My whole life, I have always felt like the biggest woman in every room - and now, I don't. I realize I am still morbidly obese, but I've lost 52 pounds in the last year, and feel so much better! Knowing that my surgery is just three weeks away makes me feel even better than better! I am so excited, and yet a little bit scared, too, for so many reasons! Will check back in occasionally, when I have something to report... 8/03/06 I have been actively working toward bariatric surgery for more than a year now, and have lost more than 50 pounds. My surgery is scheduled for August 25, and I'm very excited, but a little bit nervous. My mom, two cousins, and a couple of friends have had bariatric surgery (some open, some laproscopic), and almost all of them are doing great! I'm really looking forward to going to Las Vegas for my birthday in November, and being able to be more active and energetic. I hate it when someone hears of the surgery and suggests that this is the "easy way" to lose weight... This whole procedure has definitely not been easy, and I know the road gets harder before it gets easier. I love spending time with my daughter and my nephews, and I quilt and love watching movies. I am looking forward to a more active lifestyle soon!