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Sorry this is kinda long--I have a progressive10 yrs anniv album that I hope you'll check out.

It almost seems incomprehensable for me to believe that my one day at a time has now passed 10 years since I walked into that operating room Sept 18, 2000, & had my bariatric surgery. I didn't want to be that prisoner locked inside my obesity.  When winter arrived in 2000, I felt the first snowflakes fall on my cheeks because I was outside walking in the cold instead of sitting in my chair feeling sorry for myself & believing I couldn't exercise or lose weight.  Something as small as a snowflake had a tremendous impact on the beginning of my new life because I had hope & I was able to follow my program. 

My exercise started by taking one step @ a time & putting one foot in front of the other.  At first it was a challenge to get from one end of my small home to the other.  I didn't think of it as dreaded "exercise" that I had to do.  I was taking very small walks that progressed to a 10 year journey, losing 225#, & gaining a whole new life.   My honeymoon is over & now I go through the reality of the hills &  valleys.  I have my ups & downs.  Many of my goals & expectations have far surpassed what I ever expected & others have been a struggle for me, but all in all, I feel very blessed & wouldn't change anything about my journey.

My goal was/is to live the second half of my life much better than I did the first half.  I knocked on death's door twice in the first half.  Once from complications of a surgery & again when I was suicidal during my traumatizing divorce.  But God had different plans for me.  What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.  I'm a believer!  I've been thru every form of abuse.  I wouldn't wish that on anyone but if I hadn't gone through those fires, I wouldn't know today just how strong & determined I am.  Yes, it took the unbelievable, unimaginable, unthinkable, & unbearable to happen to me before I surrendered to God that my life was out of control & my way wasn't working. I couldn't change my past but I could change my future. I've risen from the ashes. My faith is stronger.  It's taught me perseverence, patience, & believing in myself.  I'm really proud of what I've done the last 10 years.  They are my past now & I don't look back on them with the same regret & wish I could do it over.  Yes, I'm grateful I had WLS & I would do it again! It is only a tool but it keeps on energizing me physically & emotionally over & over again just like the energizer bunny; I keep going & going.  But I have the responsibility of recharging the batteries & maintaining the tool, if you get my drift, or I'm not going anywhere.

My success is measured not by the things I've done right but by all the lessons I've learned from the mistakes I've made & worked hard to not repeat. In helping others that have struggled with abuse, divorce, relationship issues, depression, empty nesting, failed diets, food addiction, & other issues staying on track during maintenance, I'm not only paying it forward but I've received 10 fold in return.  I realized that I had to do some things I've never done in order to get some things that I've never had. I am "practicing" a new lifestyle just like an athlete practices for their particular sport.  They aren't going to be any good at it if they don't kept practicing over & over. The more effort they put into it, the better they are going to be.  The longer I practice, the better I get at it.  

I lost 225#  from my highest weight of 350# & I've kept it all off within a 15# window.   Even more remarkable is that I've had zero complications; not even 1 endoscope.  I did develop reactive hypoglycemia in Jan 2010. 10 years ago I couldn't even comprehend that I would be sitting here typing those first 2 sentences. I weigh myself at least 1X a week.  I allow myself a 5# gain, then a change my routine.  I've been richly blessed & sometimes wonder why I deserve these blessings. God gets the glory & I will continue to pay it forward.  But God didn't give me a free pass through this whole journey.  Its not been all hearts & roses. I still struggle with depression but I've learned to focus alot more on the positive & have a good attitude which isn't how I lived the first half of my life. Also having the strong support of my bariatric sisters & brothers has been pivitol in my journey.  You are family to me & I love you. 

I don't feel deprived of eating what I want.  I'm asked by post op's frequently,  "you can eat (in moderation) anything you want to right?"   My answer  is "I don't choose to eat anything I want to.  I didn't have this surgery so I could eat whatever I want.  I had it so I could DO whatever I want, whenever I want."  I can have a forbidden food if I want too but  9X out 10, I don't choose to because I don't want it. That didn't happen overnight but the more mobility I had, the more it lit a fire under me because I treasure what I can DO and WHERE I can GO, more than being a prisoner of my home in front of the TV surrounded by lots of junk food to numb my pain. If I choose to have that forbidden food or trigger food, I know the consequences of my choice but I'm not going to beat myself up for it.  I'm human, not perfect. Again, it takes lots of practice & repeating the same good habits over & over even when it feels foreign.  I didn't even realize that those good habits weren't foreign to me anymore.  They're now my daily routine (not diet) & the forbidden foods & triggers are on my short list now & seem foreign. That's cool. 
  
Relationships are much harder than I thought they would be with men, women, family, & friends.  2 yrs. after my WLS, I started dating. I hadn't dated for over 30 yrs., was 50 & feeling fabulous. But I didn't know how to be a thin single woman: how to act, socialize, date, & especially how to dress.  I want to show my curves & look sexy but I don't want to look like I'm ready for a booty call. I lost 225# of insulation to protect me & now I feel vulnerable, naked, & very visible.  I felt like the new woman that just moved into town.  No one knew me & it felt like the old Kat dropped off the face of the earth; but I knew better. I am turning heads like I never imagined.  Single, sexy, & desireable were words I never thought I'd hear after age 50!  Men offering their seat when I have to stand, letting me go ahead of them at the check-out, & giving me their phone numbers.  In my day girls didn't call guys but things are different now. They stop to let me walk across the street when they have the right of way.  I took several private ballroom dance lessons & felt like I was Cinderella being swept around the dance floor by one suitor after another.  They were wondering who this mysterious beauty was & where did she come from. I'm silently thinking, " Ashes."  It became obvious to me that many of the women thought I was their competition.  Who?  Me?  I've never been any woman's competition. Now women are jealous of me & can be cruel.  They wish I was fat, ugly, didn't know how to dance, & wasn't a Nascar buff! LOL  I did lots of fun things on dates but it also had lots of hard lessons for me, because I was use to that old familiar territory, which sub-consciously included the same kind of men like my abusive Ex.   I didn't know what I didn't know.  Now I do.  No more fairy tales for me.  

My decision to put myself & my health first has been difficult for my family & friends.  Misery loves company & I'm not good company for them anymore because I'm not miserable.  I choose not to eat like they do & its makes them uncomfortable so they criticize what I eat & what I don't eat.  Go figure!   I remind them of what they feel they can't accomplish in their own lives.  That's not my fault but I'm the target so I get shunned. Actions speak louder than their words when it comes to support being offered.  I feel like they want me to fail.  I don't like to be around their negative attitudes & put downs. Before I felt weak & insecure & sought my families approval to make any decision or choice.  Now I'm stronger, more secure, & confident in making my own decisions & choices.  This is foreign to them & not easily accepted thus they try to sabotage me. Setting boundaries is important & I'm worth it. But it takes lots of practice & it's hard. This leg of my journey has been really difficult.  I can't tell you how much my bari family's support has helped fill this void.  They have given me all the positive feedback & energy I've needed, & surrounded me with love & support.  Recently I've had more family drama & could really use your love & support right now.        

Nowoman--- or man stands alone in this journey.  I truly believe its a team effort & we all get our strength, encouragement,  inspiration & even our tough love from each other.  IMHO, anyone that believes they can have WLS, & then go home & do it all on their own, is the least likely to succed. 

                           BEFORE & MY 10 YEAR SURGIVERSARY 2010
   
 




 


                         

In early September the stores were already stocking the shelves with piles of Halloween candy and Thanksgiving fixings.  In the back of the stores you could find Christmas decorations including all kinds of delicable treats to eat.  These next 3 months are always the most challenging of the year for me.  I've realized that emotional spending for these holidays is much the same as emotional eating during these holidays.  I do it out of habit.  I do it because this is what has been familiar to me for the majority of my life.  I do it because these are holidays and I "deserve" to enjoy them and take a break from my compliance. Whoa....

Much of it is mindless eating & spending.  I go into a store for a particular reason and see these tempting things on the shelves.  Then the emotional reasoning kicks in.  "This is on sale so I might as well get it now."   "I know my kids love Reese PB cups so I'll get these for them."  "These bags of candy are buy one get one free so I can't pass this up."  Before I know it, I come home with much more than I intended to buy.    

These next 3 months we are swamped with parties & get togethers with co-workers,church, friends, & family.  These most always include lots of forbidden food.  I've learned over the last 10 years that this takes a plan of action now with specific goals in place.  Otherwise I will be making that same New Years resolution that everyone else is making in January---I need to lose weight!

Do I want to spend the next 3-6 months of 2011 getting back on track and taking off the extra pounds I put on?

January 2011 we are bombarded with weight loss techniques on TV & New Year's resolutions to take those pounds off that we gained over the last 100 days of 2010.  It can be done but in our maintenance phase my experience has been that I need to do it just like any other normal person, with some exceptions.  I need to burn more calories than I'm eating and do it with exercise.  I'm just eating much smaller portions of food than normies are.  We don't lose 10# in a month anymore. It's really hard work to get back on track and get that sugar out of our system.  Cold turkey is what works best for me.

There are alot of temptations put in front of me in the next 3 months.  It requires lots of will power on my part when the tasty forbidden foods are passed to me during these holiday celebrations.  Family members get upset with me but I will throw food away on my plate rather than eat everything and clean my plate.  #1 because those old habits kick in when I'm at family gatherings with potlucks.  Everybody chattering & filling up our plates at the same time.  A little spoon of this & a little spoon of that & before you know it, I have a whole plate full of food.  I won't eat it out of guilt because I put it there.  Bad habit on my part when there are starving kids in the world but the extra #'s are not going on my hips & butt & I'm not stretching out my pouch. If possible, I can save it for my next meal.  

#2 Don't put any desserts on my plate when I fill it the first time.  Most likely I'll be too full to have room for it then.

#3 I take things I know I can eat.  Some are sugar free too.  Maybe its just my family, friends, & possibly their own issues with obesity, but I've found that they don't appreciate me constantly asking them what ingredients are in the dishes that they bring.  I do it because I'm dairy intolerant, want to keep my sugar intake down, & get an idea of calorie content.  But I do ask anyway.  I have to do what's best for my health.

#4 I can enjoy my family, friends, & the holidays without food being in the center of it.  I've learned that the true "gift" of these holidays is the moments of time I spend with these people--the laughter, the stories, the childhood memories--so I don't have to be gathered around the kitchen table with my mouth full of food to enjoy them. 

#5 I monitor my weight more closely, at least once a week.  If it starts creeping up, I know that I have to cut back.  I don't wait until I've gained 10# and then do something about it.  

#6 I practice delayed gratification.  I was use to instant gratification in my eating habits: as much as I wanted, when I wanted it, and all the wrong foods.  Now I work towards the rewards of tomorrow and my future.  I know from experience that how I choose to live my life today has a direct bearing on what my tomorrow will hold.  I reap what I sow.  I have a mental picture of how I want to see myself when I ring in the New Year January 2011.  

#7 I use the 80/20 rule.  I can't be 100% perfect with my program.  I don't feel deprived of all my favorite forbidden foods if I work really hard on eating responsibly at least 80% of the time throughout the week, especially during these last 100 days.`

#8 I try to exercise at least 3 times a week.  I have a park right next door with a nice walking/jogging track.  I think everyone should own a good pedimeter & wear it everyday. 

I can enjoy these next 3 months if I plan, prepare, & put into place a series of positive steps toward my goal for 2011.  It would be easy for me to fall back into that old habit  of doing what I have always done for most of my life and expecting a different result.  Yeah right!  That makes about as much sense as giving an alcoholic alcohol.  I need a plan, a goal, & accountability too. It will all be worth it when 2011 gets here.

I remember when I first started attending support group meeting over 10 years ago back in 2000.  I was considering gastric bypass.  Back then, the only procedures available at my hospital were open RNY & VBGB, which is basically just like RNY with a banding included.  I drove 45 minutes to get to the meetings and went to all of them, which were twice a month.  I usually was there early and hung around afterwards to meet other people and learn all I could about bariatric surgery.  Over the next several months I listened, asked questions, took notes, and made many, many bariatric friends.  I bugged our support group leader to death with questions.  I'm a very analytical person.  I have to look at things from every angle possible before I make a decision about anything rather the decision is small or very important, as this one is. 

The post-op's at these meetings were very instrumental in my decision making process.  They were also very encouraging and inspiring to me.  They walked in my shoes.  They became like family to me.  I could witness with my own eyes, the changes they were making in their lives and how much happier they were as the month's progressed.  I could pretty much hand pick who were the post-op's and who were the pre-op's just by how they walked in the room, the confidence they had, and how happy they were.  Their faces just lit up the whole room and they had a spring in their step.  I wished and hoped that one day the pre-ops would see me just like I see these post-op's; as a ray of sunshine full of hope for a new beginning and a whole new life. 

I walked in with my cane huffing and puffing, exhausted, sweaty, embarressed, withdrawn, quiet, depressed, very unhappy, and wanting to not be noticed.  I had to get up the strength to go alone in spite of my panic attacks in crowds.  I didn't have a spouse or s/o to accompany me.  I was on my own.  I was terrified.

Fortunately for me, I had some practice in taking risks & stepping outside my comfort zone the last few years.  My decision to finally get out of an abusive 24 yr. marriage & endure the traumatizing divorce that ensued, proved to me that I had courage & strength I didn't know I had.  

During these months I attended support group meetings I seriously ask myself how bariatric surgery was going to be any different than any other "diet" that I had been on in the past and I had been on just about all of them and gained the weight back.  How was this going to be any different??  

For me this was, and IS, a "Battlefield of My Mind."  I've always been a notorious negative thinker which leads to depression, lack of confidence, I'm a failure, and I can't.  Then I'd turn to food & sabatoge myself.  With counseling and lots of practice, I have learned to turn my negative thinking into positive thinking.  It will empower you, inspire you, motivate you, and give you hope to go forward and not backward.  I took the words I can't and failure out of my vocabulary. As difficult and traumatizing as the end of my marriage was & the long, drawn out divorce, I also turned this negative into positive.  I can thank my ex for empowering me to want a better life for myself and realize that I deserved better for me.  To hell with him.  He stole so much of my life from me but I made a decision to not allow him to steal my happiness too, & the second half of my life.  
   
You talk to yourself more than you talk to anyone else.  Think about this.  Talk to yourself outloud.  It works.  Capture your negative thoughts and change them into positive one's.  I needed to change my thought processes in my mind because with gastric bypass, your outward appearance will change in the first year simply because of the procedure done. So what made this different for me than everything else I've tried?  Above everything else, God is in the center of it.  God is there when I stumble.  God is there to get me through the storms.  God never sleeps.  I trust God with yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Next, I didn't just go to the meetings out of obligation to get the required signatures for my doctor and never come back.  I came because I made a commitment to it and to myself.  Next I started to lose some weight--again not because I was required too but because I was choosing to do it.  I lost 25# before I had my surgery.  This was a way of learning self discipline and choosing to make changes for myself.  Next, I surrounded myself with positive thinking people and set boundaries to keep negativity away.  This was very difficult for me because it meant not revealing to my extended family about my surgery. I love them very much but I came from a very dysfunctional family.  They are very critical and that's where my roots of negative thinking come from.   I had to do what was best for me.  For the first time in my life, I was putting MY needs first, because I'm worth it.  If people talked negatively about gastric bypass, I simply didn't spend much time with them.  I wasn't going to allow anyone to sabatoge my efforts. I still try to practice this today.  There's still alot of ignorance out there among normies about WLS.  (there will be a whole other blog on this subject).  Next, I kept my expectations achieveable.  I took baby steps instead of giant leaps.  I set short term goals for myself, not long term one's.  

For me, my maturity made a difference.  I was 47 years old.  I feel like I seriously reflected back on the eating habits of my entire life and all the diets that I had tried and failed at.  All of these eye openers, self denial, excuses, bad choices, & mistakes that I made could now ALL be lessons learned and battle scars that I didn't want to see bleed again.  Those wounds had been re-opened one too many times already.  

As my surgery approached, I was crossing all my T's and dotting all my I's.  I read every single word on every single paper I was given.  I followed everything I was told to do.  If I couldn't discipline myself to blow into a spirometer X times a day as i was instructed to do, how was I going to discipline myself to do other things I was instructed to do?  Neglecting one "little" thing leads to another little thing and before you know it, you have a really "big" thing to deal with.  So I can't stress enough the baby steps, little things, 1 day @ a time, short term goals=long term success.

I decided to have the VBGB, proximal, 100 cm bypassed, transected.  I have the best of both worlds, RNY and Vertical Banding.  I've never had any complications since surgery Sept 18, 2000.  I'm so thankful & feel so blessed to have had gastric bypass.  I've followed my program; not perfectly; but I've done well.  I hope that I can continue to encourage and inspire you  as much as you have inspired me.         

Watching Biggest Loser last night really struck a cord with me as they spoke to each person about their co-morbidities & how they had been denying their poor health for so many years & abusing their bodies.   I watched as they gave a demonstration and they straped 303# pounds of weights on to Bob's body (one of the trainers) so he could experience what it felt like to carry that much fat around with you.  Bob could hardly stand up!  He said his back ached and his knee's were killing him!  I sat here and the tears streamed down my face.  10 years ago I weighed 350#  &  I know all too well what it felt like to carry all that fat around with me.  I will never, ever forget it and that's what still motivates me today.  

My highest BMI was 60 and I was taking 16 medications.  I was 47 years old and doctors told me I had the body of a 70 yr old.
These were my co-morbidities: HBP, severe sleep apnea, migraine headaches, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, bowed legs, osteopenia, gastric reflux disease, panic attacks, chronic fatigue, severe depression, diverticulitis,IBS, chest pain, ligament damage in both feet, heel spurs, plantar facsitis, edema in lower legs, & prior colostomy. 

I was now walking with a cane because of the excessive pain in both knee's.  I was seeing a chronic pain Dr & spent much of time going from one doctor's office to another.  I sat down to take a shower on a convalescent chair.  I had someone clean my house, mow my lawn, & shovel snow.  I had a grabber to pick things up with.  I couldn't tie my shoes & had to sit on the bed to put on my socks & pants.  I was always hot, sweaty, & flushed.  I had fans on me all the time.  I couldn't climb stairs and was easily out of breath.

I tried to go back to college and was so humiliated because I could barely  fit in the school desks.  I was too fat.  I had to squeeze into it.  I would wait until everyone else left before I attempted to get up and leave.  Walking from the parking lot to the building was pure hell.  Carrying all my books plus my weight was like walking up a steep mountain to me!  I'd have to rest to catch my breath & once inside, take the elevator to class.  Needless to say, I dropped out not because of poor grades but depression & embarressment.  

I hadn't seen the inside of a mall for several years.  I took a plane trip to Colorado & had to switch planes in St. Louis.  I'd thought I'd die trying to walk to my next gate.  I was so sweaty and I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest it was pounding so hard.  They had extra seats on the plane and changed my seat.  They stuck me back in the back of the plane all by myself.  I know that wasn't a coincidence!  It was because I was so fat.  I was totally embarressed.  The seatbelt wouldn't go all the way around me and I pretended that it did!  Well, we all know the stewardess is smarter than that and she brought me an extension.  Another embarressment. 

But in the privacy of my home, food was my best friend.  It didn't embarress me or humiliate me.  It didn't put me down or talk back to me.  And it made me feel good when nothing else in my life could.  After 48 years I finally figured out how WRONG that reasoning was!!!!  We reap what we sow.  I couldn't continue gambling with my health & expect no consequences.  I spent too many years focusing on the negative and all the things I "couldn't" do.  Those were just excuses because if I really "wanted" to do something, I did it!! 

Lets face it.  If I wanted to eat myself into oblivion, I did it!  If I wanted to get up out of bed early to go get half a dozen fresh doughnuts before they sold out & eat them all myself, I did it!  If I wanted a whole pizza delivered to my door with breadsticks, I did it!  Drive up windows with super Value Meals of burgers, fries, & don't forget the Ice Cream, I did It!!   So all the things I couldn't do was because of MY bad choices that I chose to do!   Now it was time to focus on the positive and the things I could do differently.  On September 18, 2000 it was the beginning.  It opens doors for me I never could have dreamed or imagined.

Now its10 years later and I'm still down over 200#.  More later.

I got together with some gals the other day at a restaurant.  With this particular group of women, we are all new friends and the subject of me being a bariatric patient had not been brought up to this point.  A gal sitting next to me mentioned that she was having bariatric surgery next week.  So I shared that  I had the surgery over 9 years ago.  I carry a before and after picture with me in my purse so I shared my before picture below with the group.  They were all absolutely shocked that was me.  They never guessed that I was ever that morbidly obese & lost over 200#.  They said I don't even resemble that person anymore.  They had all kinds of questions for me.  I have always said that I won't sugar coat anything.  I will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to  hear.  Sometimes that makes me unpopular but I didn't have bariatric surgery to win a popularity contest.  I had it to be able to live a healthier lifestyle & hopefully pay it forward to others along the way.  They had lots of questions for me about what I can & can't eat now, & how life has changed for me in the past 9 years.  I could write a book about all those things.  But at the core of all of it, I had my faith in God. I believed in myself.  I was willing to walk through my fear.  I trusted God with what I could not yet see.  I surrounded myself with positive people & attitudes. 
 A few tips are:

The surgery didn't work---That's true.  I DO the work!  So many will say that the surgery didn't work for them but did they do whatever it takes or did they fall back into their old habits? 

I won't be depressed anymore once I lose the weight---Losing the weight doesn't fix why you are depressed inside your head.  You need to heal the wounds inside of you to maintain your weight loss.  Thin doesn't equal happy.

It won't happen to me!----(Complications, plateaus, setbacks, sabatage) Expect the unexpected.  Think positive but be prepared and plan for obstacles along the way.  They will happen.  It's not the adversity but how we react to it.  Fight or flight!

I can eat whatever I want & still lose weight---That's false sense of security.  You may get away with that short term; some even a few years.  But as your body adjusts and stablizes, long term maintenance does require healthy eating habits.

  You don't know what you don't know and what you don't know can hurt you by limiting and compromising your success. Be willing to Listen & Learn from others.  I'm still willing to listen and learn.  Because I don't ever want to look like THIS ever again!!!!

I was amused by someone's story on OH about their tiney hiney booty grab at an OH convention.  We do have too much fun at those conventions, don't we girls!  Chicago was a blast too.  Someone who will go unnamed surprised me by slappin' my tiney hiney booty on the dance floor.  There were pictures but they were really dark.  But they did snap this picture when I was struttin' and shakin' my tiney hiney booty in the Chicago Fashion Show in my hot sexy leather pants.  Oh have mercy.  Did the camera have to get so close!!!
  

Can't believe it's been 9 years last Sept 18.  In Oct my family celebrated our parents 60th wedding anniversary & their 80th birthdays.  What an accomplishment.  Our gift to them was a scrapbook of 60+ years of memories of their lives together.  They were high school sweethearts.  As I flip back thru the pages of what my mother looked liked in 1949, I am shocked as I see a stunning reflection of myself and resemblence in our body frame, our size, & our smiles.  OMG, I have that body now at 57 yrs old! How cool is that?   LOL  well, you know, plus a few gray hairs here & there & some wrinkles. Okay  some saggy skin too here & there but I'm sure grateful for the nips & tucks I've had As I leaf through all these pages I also see my pre-op years, as I continued to put on more & more weight.  I wasn't just putting on more weight.  My life was spinning out of control.  My health was spinning out of control.  I kept spinning on that merry-go-round until I decided to get off of it when I was 47 years old.
Novemeber 1,  I celebrated my 57th birthday.  Ten years ago I would have never dared to dream that I would be maintaining a healthy weight and be over 200# lighter!  I would never have believed that  I would have conquered so many internal battles from my past. I'm not finished but thank God I ain't where I used to be!

What keeps me going?  History!  As they say, "An elephant never forgets!"  I looked like an elephant, felt like an elephant, and ate like an elephant! 9 years later I haven't  forgotten one single day of that! Feeling helpless, hopeless, invisible, & having no hope for tomorrow. Living in one doctor's office after another.  I had to sit down to take a shower in a convalescent chair at 46 yrs. old.  It was a full time job to take care of hygiene for a 350# woman.  Heat rashes were a nightmare, stooping over for anything; forget it.  I was a frequent visitor to all the local restaurants with my cane-alone. I drove myself there   They knew me by name.  Isn't it funny the things we "can" do for ourselves but we decide what we "can't (won't) do that is "good" for us?   I took the word "can't" out of my vocabulary.  I stayed out of restaurants until 2 years post-op.  Then I went & took before pictures with me.  They seated me and, of course, didn't recognize me from Eve.  I pulled out my pre-op picture & it was hilarious to see the look on their faces.  It was really cool to see their reaction of how picky I am about ordering my food, the quanitity I eat,& take home with me. 

Maintenance is hard work but never as hard as the hard life I had before WLS surgery.  This is a choice I'm grateful I made regardless of the setbacks I may have.  I'm not an elephant anymore.  I'm a Sassy Kat who is capable of fighting back

I am so excited about my 9 year anniversary coming up in September.  I am putting together a "surgiversary" blog and am anxious to share it with all my OH sisters and brothers.  You are my family and this celebration would be nothing without all of you to share it with.  There is NOTHING that we have not shared together in the last 9 years.

9 years ago I weighed 350# and lost 225#.  I'm now up 14# from that but only 5# heavier than I was in 2005.  Losing 225# was more than my doctor suggested I lose and I also exceeded my own expectations so I'm not totally disappointed with some weight gain but I am keeping a close eye on that scale and on what I eat.  I refuse to go back to my past.

There is such a misconception out there that bariatric people that are "far out" don't have to WORK AT IT anymore.  We can eat whatever we want.  This is SOOOOO not true if you are commited to seriously making this a lifestyle change.  This is not something that I did that was temporary.  It was permanent!  It was for life.  I have to have respect for my altered plumbing and it's special needs and do my best to not take that for granted. 

There is another misconception that I can maintain my weight loss BEcause I had my stomach stapled.  Are you kidding me???  There is no way that I would maintain this weight loss if I had not made major changes in the choices of my food, changing my attitude, excercising, and educating myself about nutrition and label reading, just a name of few. 

For those of you that are pre-op or newbies, have faith in God, and in the process.  Have faith in what you do NOT yet know and cannot see.  Trust in those that have come before you in WLS and believe us when we say "your honeymoon will end" so don't be losing your weight and eating your cake too!  It will lead you to destruction.  There is no such thing as having the best of both worlds: losing weight drastically and eating a little bite of your old high calorie, high fat foods.  You may get away with it for the first year or so, but not long term.  You are doing your little pouch more damage than you think you are.

Looking forward to sharing more of my journey with you next month.
Kat

February, 27, 2009

I have journaled for 8 yrs but blogging is new to me.  Now I need to catch up on blogging the last 8 yrs of my bariatric journey.  Right now I am starting with the present. Kind of long but I believe it will be worth your time.

My 28 yr. old son got married Jan '09 in Aruba to his beautiful wife, Kim.  It is big celebrations like this when we want to look our best for our children that make all our hard work worth while.  I felt like I was always an embarressment to my 2 son's because I was so fat.  I never wanted my picture taken "with" them, but I have hundreds of pictures of them.  8 yrs. ago I attended my brother's wedding at age 47 walking with a cane wearing stretch pants and a pretty blouse that covered my belly. That was 2 months before my WLS surgery.

Last month I got my sexy back!  At my son's sunset wedding on Eagle Beach I wore a sexy, cocktail length wine colored dress with spaghetti straps.  The layering was horizontal, as were all the beads.  Clothing with anything horizontal like stripes was forbidden when I was MO. I haven't used my cane since 2 months after WLS.  I was dancing at this wedding reception! It was an outdoor, all night party & my gf & I closed the place down..  Men were flirting with me & saying I was too young to be Andrew's mom, & how beautiful I looked.  They were way out of my class.  They come to Aruba at least once a year & stay a month & travel extensively. I felt like Cinderella with them even though I doubt that any of them will come knocking on my door with my dance slipper.  

It is so incredible to walk through a huge airport & not get winded, walk on an airplane, fit in ONE seat,& not need a seat belt extension.  My oldest son, the best man, could sit beside me comfortably for the long flight to Aruba & we could talk & laugh.  I also fit in the airplane restroom which is tiny. No embarressment on the plane because of my size felt great. 

This was my 1st big vacation since my WLS 8+ yrs. ago. What an eye opener!   This was the first time I truly felt comfortable in my own skin.  I was no longer carrying the shadow of the 350# woman with me anymore. I was just Kathy, not the bariatric Kathy.  It was about 85 degrees & hot so tank tops, shorts, halter tops, & swimsuits was the attire. In IN, I felt subconscious wearing "less" clothes. Showing my upper arms, shoulders, or my legs made me feel naked.  But in Aruba, I felt totally free to be me.  And it didn't hurt that my ex-husband was there too, to see the new me. We've been divorced for 12 yrs. He didn't love me or respect me & saw other women.  I finally took the rose colored glasses off & realized that I couldn't change him; I could only change myself.  I wanted my self respect back.  So I got divorced, 5 yrs later had WLS & lost 225#. Change is always painful but God brought me through it & I am a better, stronger person because I was & still am, willing to take risks, walk through my fear, take on challenges, & change my attitude to be more positive.  It's been the hardest thing I've ever went thru in my life but "With God all things are possible."  I am a testimony to that. It's taught me to never quit or say I can't. 

It felt so good to feel like I was "normal" being able to wear summer clothes like everyone else.  To put on a pair of shorts, a tank top, sandals & go have fun in the sun.  Check out the picture below!   (And it was sooo fun shopping for those cute clothes). I didn't have a red face all the time or sweating like a pig.  I can't tell you how wonderful that was.  And to put on a bathing suit & not be the biggest one on the beach or feel like people are staring at me in a negative way....now it was a positive way, which still takes getting use too.

THIS was my reward for all my hard work in continuing to maintain my weight all these years!!!!  The "rewards" of this trip taste too much sweeter than any trigger food I have problems with.  To attend my son's wedding in Aruba, to stand up with him and be proud to be his mother.  Eating out every day, wedding reception, family parties...all equals lots of food. My food choices were't an issue or struggle for me. I was there to have fun, not to eat. The island fish was superb...grilled with great seasonings.  I never considered fried fish.  Before WLS, I never considered anything BUT fried fish.  I went there & had such a blast and food wasn't constantly on mind.  Having fun was!!!
I was bouncing around like a teen-ager again.  The quiet, withdrawn wallflower of my past was gone. I sat & played in the white sand & could get back up.  I did doughnuts in the sand with my SUV & got stuck!  I hardly slept at all. I didn't want to miss a moment of exploring this tropical island.  Every breath I took of the tropical breeze was one more breath of reassurance in the investment that I have made in MY future to enjoy the second half of my life to the fullest and to live a healthy life.

My honeymoon phase of WLS has been over for a very long time.  Ironically, I went to Aruba for Andrew's wedding but it felt like a honeymoon to me. I came home feeling like I had renewed my "vows" with my bariatric journey because I feel so blessed to reflect back over my 8+ year journey, all the blood, sweat, tears, setbacks & milestones & realize how far I have come & how good God has been to me. Going to Aruba was better than winning the lottery.  It was a celebration of enjoying being alive to live life to the fullest. 8 yrs ago I decided to turn my life around one day at a time, one step at a time, one change at a time, one choice at a time.  And here I am, over 8 years later of steps & days behind me & you can't wipe the big, wide smile off my face  & the gleem in my eyes that comes from within me. 

My bariatric sisters & brothers are my family & have supported me & given me the accountability I needed the last 8 years. Without them, St. V's, & most of all, God, I would not be where I am today.  That's why mentoring, being a buddy, & visiting post-op's is my passion.  I want to ignite a fire under all of you like so many of you did for me all these years. Don't ever give up! 

Be sure and check out more photos of the wedding in my photo secion. 

Hugs and Blessings,

Kat