Keeks911

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Yesterday I weighed in and am officially 100lbs. down after surgery. I am still wearing the same clothes I was before, with the exception of my jeans (was size 36, now in a 30 and they were litterally falling off me). People comment all the time, which is nice most of the time. But I haven't felt that different until recently. I am noticing things that I can do again that I haven't been able to do for years. Stupid things, like stepping up onto something that I either couldn't do or would really struggle to do.  Sitting in chairs is easier because I fit better. I went with my husband elk hunting last week. I went on a hike that was only supposed to be a couple miles but ended up to be almost 6. I haven't walked that far, on a hike like that, ever. And I made it. My husband told me several times that he was beyond proud of me for pushing through and finishing. He was there to support me during the whole hike, so that helped.

I actually feel proud of myself too. Finally! And it only took 100lbs to get there. I still have 100+ to go, but 100 so far is huge. A year ago I never would have thought I could get here, and now I'm here. I have a ways to go, but it can only get easier! It will take a while, but it WILL happen. 

It's an awesome feeling. I am grateful. 

I had my 3 month follow ups a little early and had them at 2 months post op, vacations are to blame.  I still haven't gotten over my "3 week stall" plateau.  It is very frustrating for me.  I moved to night shift and haven't been able to figure out my schedule. I can either exercise before I go to bed and sleep during the day, or I can get up early before the husband gets home and exercise then.  The temperature's here have been horrendous and nearly impossible to exercise in.  I don't do well in the heat anyway, so 100+ degrees is OUT of the question for me.  Call it an excuse, I don't cares, but no way no how.  So, earlier in the morning is my only bed.  I get off work at 8am, if I run home and change, grab the dog and get to the dog park where I walk, I can be home by 10am.  That means, I need to be asleep by 10 to get a good amount of sleep.  For me, 7-8 hours is very important and exercising before bed cuts into that.  But I just don't know when else to do it.  I don't have the luxury of leaving my desk as I am there alone at night, for 10 hours. 

Night shift doesn't only mess up my activity schedule, but also my meals.  I am still on at least two protein shakes a day to get my protein in.  I am still at 110g of protein a day and it's impossible to reach that goal without the shakes.  I don't mind them, as they are handy and I really don't have the time to fix and eat a meal. On that note, I am at the point where it's all about the protein and there really isn't any room for extra or empty calories.  I don't do a lot of sides and I have a hard time getting my veggies.  I have incorporated salads a few times in the last week.  It's been nice to eat them again, but then again, not a lot of protein and therefore not a lot of room for the actual protein of dinner.  One one  hand the banana size stomach is nice because it automatically limits my intake and I don't really have to worry about overeating.  However, it also doesn't allow for much of an intake and I have to be careful about what I DO eat.  If I choose to eat something that sounds good and looks good but doesn't contribute to my protein goal, then I run the risk of not meeting that goal.  So  much to learn!  it really is a lifestyle change.  So many ways of thinking that need to be rethought.  It's hard to break a 40 year habit!

In my follow up appointments, I spoke with a psychologist.  I have only done it once, early on in my 6 month supervised weight loss that was required by insurance.  He was nice, but his job was to determine that I was ready for surgery, which I was, completely.  But I never saw the need to see him again, and I didn't.  It was nice to talk to a psychologist this time. As frustrated as I am for my early plateau, it was nice to be able to explain my frustration out loud and to change my thinking, or my view towards it almost immediately.  I lost 45lbs, in 7 months, before surgery and have lost 25lbs since.  It's been 2 months, and most of that 25lbs was in the first 3 weeks.  But if I look at the big picture, that's WAY more that I lost on my own before surgery.  I was reminded that it's not a numbers game, it's a heath game.

My focus now, is to keep doing what I am doing, keep working on eating right and keep exercising whenever I can.  I can't go back, this surgery is for life, and it really is JUST a tool for weight loss. I am reminded, daily, of the things I had difficulty 70lbs ago that aren't as hard now.  I could stop using the seat belt extender in my car, AND have room to move.  I do have a pair of jeans that is 2 sizes smaller than what I was wearing 70lbs ago, and they fit.  They aren't as comfortable when I sit for 10 hours at work, but they fit really well when I am standing... lol.  I'll take it.  They will get looser and then I will be able to move to the next size.  I need to remember that this is a lifetime change and it wont happen overnight. The reality of taking time and not being an overnight success is sinking in.  Even though I didn't go into surgery expecting it to be an overnight success, I did figure it would be quicker..  But I just need to slow down and take it one pound at a time.  And not even that, just one decision or choice at a time.  I wonder now, where will I be in 6 months, or a year from now?  It's exciting!

I am SO frustrated right now. I hit the 3 week stall 4 weeks ago and haven't lost anything since. I have had a pair of jeans that I thought for sure I would be into already. Everything I read about the 3 week stall is that it only lasts 2-3 weeks, you are losing inches during that time blah blah blah.  All I know is that THIS is why I was so unsuccessful with weight loss before surgery.  I would do all the right things but not see any results.  And now, 9 months into my WLS bust my ass journey, the same damn thing is happening.  Only this time I went through with the drastic decision to have surgery to help me, and STILL it's not helping.

I am getting my protein, my fluids, my exercises in. I just don't get it.  I know we will have plateaus, I understand that.  I just didn't think it would be SO soon and for SO long. I don't' know what to do.

I am so very frustrated.  I think I'll email my dietician and see what she says.

** I did research, apparently this is called the "three-week stall". I am not alone, so that's comforting! 

I am 5 weeks post op and for the last 2 weeks, according to the scale, I haven't lost anything!  I knew there would be plateaus, but so soon?

Thinking about it, I was pretty immobile for the first few weeks after surgery and I am SURE I lost muscle. Now that I am mobile and much more active, perhaps I am gaining muscle back.  I know that a little piece of muscle weighs the same a a huge piece of fat, and I can still see my body changing, but what a mental blow.

The numbers shouldn't really matter, I get that.  It's hard to go though surgery and everything leading up to it, to be at a plateau 5 weeks out.  I mean, that's what the struggle was a lifetime before surgery.  Doing the work and not seeing the results.  I feel like I am not seeing the results.  I can SEE them physically, but I can't tell people that when they ask "how much have you lost"?  When the answer is the same over and over, it's discouraging me.  It's WAY too soon for that!

I guess it's time to do some more reading up on plateaus.  Is this common?  Is something wrong?  It IS frustrating.....

I need to continue to think positive.  This one is hard.

I am going to say, this has been the longest month of my life!  June 3rd was my surgery date and a lot has happened in 4 weeks.  As of 5 days ago, I am completely pain free. No more pain meds or Ibuprofen, just the medications/vitamins that are recommended by my surgeon.  I have been waiting all month to be pain free and to be able to DO things. I have started my cardio back up, which is walking and Zumba to change things up.  I am now alright to start my strength training as per my physical therapist.  I am officially on stage 3 foods, which is basically anything except hard/raw vegetables.  Those are still a couple weeks out, and boy am I jonesin' for a salad!

I don't feel robbed of food, which I thought that I would. I just eat so much less.  Right now, Hebrew National beef hotdogs and homemade potato salad are my favorite foods.  I find it interesting that foods I took for granted before are suddenly much more than just "food". They are fuel and I am able to slow down and enjoy them.  I can still have these things, but am SO grateful that my stomach can only allow me so much.  Honestly, a BBQ with friends the other night consisted of a couple bites of baked beans, couple bites of potato salad, 2/3rds of a hotdog and a quarter sized piece of chicken.  My dog was happy to get to nibble the left over hotdog and chicken.  But I got to have what everyone else was having and didn't feel "robbed" of the social aspect of food. I was there, I participated, I was full and I had a great time!

This is all I want. I want to be able to still enjoy life but not have it revolve around food. I want to be able to eat what I want, (which is healthy by the way, not crap. I try to stay away from processed foods) but not let it rule over me. I can eat a little and then go off and do something else and not look back!

Without the pain, I feel that now is when the true success of this life changing decision will begin to show. I am excited for that. So excited.

YAY for the future of me!!

Good things still happening. I am concentrating on my fluids and my proteins but have had great success adding actual foods back into my diet. I am still on "pureed" foods for another week but there are non-pureed foods on my "list", such as eggs and ground beef.  I have never tasted eggs as good as what my handsome husband made for me yesterday morning. And my 1oz venison slider with a 1/4c of mashed potatoes.  Best and cutiest dinner I have had in a long long time.

I was talking with my mom and my new appreciation for food.  Getting to actually eat again, even in a small quantities means so much more to me than it used to. I was telling her that my biggest hurdle will be getting over the portion size.  What I was able to eat for dinner tonight, an ounce of meat and a quarter cup of mashed potatoes, completely filled me up.  But seeing how small it was, on a small plate and with a small fork, it messed with my mind. I am used to 4-6 oz of meat and a cup of potatoes, along with a salad or something else as well, and finishing it all.  I am not complaining, it's a good feeling to eat so little and feel full, but it's hard to wrap my head around.  I know it will get easier, and I am trying to change my thoughts on food.  Mom suggested a book called "French Women Don't Get Fat", because they think of food differently that Americans, or at least me.  I am looking into it, might be interesting reading.  (Kindle version for $7.99 on Amazon).

I am down 66lbs, 21 since surgery almost 3 weeks ago. I am assuming that's pretty good.  I am back to my workouts and pretty pain free.  I am waiting to be off my pain medication (over the counter) as soon as I can be. I am feeling flabby all over and I have only just begun this journey really.  I am wondering how much is lost muscle tone from losing so much weight so soon. I am anxious to be able to see my arm work start to define my muscles and see some toning.  Same goes for my legs and my walking workouts. I need to incorporate hills, I generally walk a flat route.  Inclines kill me!

I look forward to so many things but I need to slow down and take in the mile stones I am passing now.  I have been able to wear a top to work every day that I have not been able to fit into for years.  I am able to sleep on my side!!  I am able to get into my Jeep without pain, bend over without pain and laugh without pain.  I am ALMOST into another size of jeans, a size that I didn't think I had and thought I would have to buy to get me through to the next size.  But I found 4 pair of jeans in that size in my closet, some still with the tags on them!  I am excited to get into them.

This is a journey, a journey that will span the rest of my life. I need to slow down and enjoy working towards all my goals. It's exciting and frustrating at the same time.

I'm happy to be living!

I'm not even sure where to start, a lot has happened between day 8 and day 15. I had my "3 week" follow up at 12 days (my surgeon is going on vacation). It was good. My surgeon said I didn't look or act like I had just had surgery. Some people can't even get out of bed by day 12. I had walked a mile the day before, and my personal fastest time ever. (yes, I was sore the next day)  My physical therapist was proud of the walking and then promptly assigned me strengthening exercises and gave me a red and black band. Yay me. Then my dietitian moved me to stage two/pureed food. I was excited about that and celebrated with cottage cheese! Best cottage cheese I have ever had. I also enjoy the little humus snack packs, perfect salt and tang and texture. 

My sharp pains ended on day 11. I can almost pinpoint the moment that my deep muscle stitch dissolved. It has been completely different since. I can bend, sit down and get up, laugh, ANYthing without excruciating pain.  I am still sore, and feel a burning tingling when my meds wear off, but I am practically back to normal.  I can sleep on my SIDE!!  It's the little things!

I am trying to wean myself off my meds, but every time I try, it's painful. Perhaps 2weeks post op is just too soon. It will happen. I look forward no pain and being able to do more.

I got released back to work because I don't do anything except sit and answer phones. No lifting at my job. I have been able to wear two tops that I haven't been able to wear in I don't even know how long. It's nice to finally be able to SEE the changes happening. 

It's only going to get better, right?! I look forward to better :)

So, bad breath is real.  I didn't have it before surgery and my husband made a "don't take this the wrong way" comment about my breath last night. So, naturally, I obsessed about it. Ketosis I suppose.  I did a forum search and read up on it, checked Wikipedia.  Apparently my body is in "fat burning mode" and I need to drink gobs of water, eat sugar free breath mints, brush often and shower a lot.  I go back to work next week, I am extremely embarrassed about this... smell.  It's not something I was prepared for. Oh joy.

I am post op day 8 and it still hurts like a mother to get up out of a chair and to laugh.  I am really ready to be able to sleep on my side, or even my stomach but I can't yet. I have a deep muscle stitch that reminds me that it's there all the time, heaven forbid I cough unexpectedly (which has happened).  Then I read that people didn't have ANY pain after surgery. What?  How is that even possible.  I know I am a pain weenie, I always have been, but come on. I'm done with the pain. Meds or not, I hurt.

Is it really possible to get hunger pains only 8 days from surgery?  My new-to-me-tiny-stomach rumbled this morning. It's happened before, but I didn't believe it. I don't feel "hungry". I know that I need to eat and drink something, but I don't feel that empty hungry feeling like I would get pre-op.  In fact, I don't even eat anything yet, I am still on liquids for another week. I was not anticipating that either. I wanted to be the weight loss surgery patient who had to set an alarm to remember to eat because they never ever felt hunger again.

Apparently, I need to drink a ton more liquids than I have been and walk more. Perhaps that will be my goal today, do more than I have done so far. Meh, that's why I am home sick from work right? To get better?  I guess I need to work harder at it.

Lots of realizations today. And I've only been awake for an hour.

Ugh.

I didn't have any issues with socks or shoes pre-op but for the last week I have had to rely on my husband. Today I decided to do it myself. It took me an hour and was painful at times but by golly! I did it!!

Yesterday was rough, today I decided it would be a good day and so far it is!

Yay for small victories :)

I started out this day looking up. My pain was minimal, I did well on my fluid and protein levels the day before, AND I finally had a bowel movement. But then, I got really down in the dumps. I have no idea why. I got a call from my physician's assistant and got the okay to use Ibuprofen and Tylenol so I could drop the Oxycodone. Fine by me. I have read that NSAIDS would be off limits after surgery. And my surgeon did say they like patients to wait six weeks before taking it, but they have both suggested I take it instead of the narcotic. I asked the dose and how often I can take it, I will be careful to not go over that. Everyone says be careful, people say not to take it at all, but if my very successful surgeon says to do it, then it should be okay, right?

Perhaps I am worried about the Ibuprofen. But I am as concerned about the Oxycodone,  I'd rather not take narcotics, especially since the Ibuprofen works better. 

I also tried to do something different for protein. I have a bunch of those organic box soups and have figured that my whey protein powder dissolves really well in one ounce of water. I can then add it to whatever to add 26 grams of protein. I tried to add it to the vegetable tomato soup but it was a fail. I haven't done very well at all with my protein intake today. My fluids either really, swallowing was harder today.

I know I have a long road of ups and downs, but I just want to be successful. Today, I don't feel successful.