Keeks911

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I worked hard for 7 months to get to my surgery date.  I wasn't really nervous about the surgery, but feared the IV.  I have a legit needle phobia, one that requires me to explain my reaction to the nurses before the IV so I don't make them feel bad. I learned that the hard way.  I did make one nurse feel terrible and while I was sobbing, told her not to take it personal because I literally can't help my reaction.

I checked in to the hospital at 0700 and surgery was scheduled for 0900. It all went really fast.  My RN was a rock star. I told her where my IV should go and she attempted it, using lidocaine first, bless her heart, but was unable to thread the IV needle.  So, instead of trying again, she called for IV services.  In the meantime, my anesthesiologist introduced himself and said that as soon as my IV was in, he would make me feel better about the whole experience. 

IV services came, found a vein and had the IV in quickly and relatively painlessly. I was ok with that!  The anesthesiologist showed up again.  This is where I stopped remembering ANYthing. He has 4 syringes of whatever.  I don't even remember him giving me the first one.  Made a comment to my husband that I didn't remember saying goodbye to him or them wheeling me to surgery. He said I was awake, we said goodbye and off I went.

My surgery was over by 1020, earlier than anticipated.  Dr. Halpin talked to my husband in the waiting room and said everything went smoothly and I did great.  The first thing I remember after surgery is being in my hospital room, unable to open my eyes, but aware of what was going on around me.  Several hospital staff, my husband were all in the room with me. I remember the pain scale question and answering by holding up how many fingers of pain I had. I remember someone wanted to poke my finger for a blood sugar test and my husband telling them that I wouldn't like that and to be careful.  I remember my husband taking over my CPAP machine from a nurse who was trying and failing to set it up. I also remember the pain from the anesthesia in my shoulders. I had a friend warn me about that, and sure enough, yikes.  I guess that's where the gases decided to settle.  It took hours for it to wear off.

I wasn't fully with it until several hours after surgery. I guess it's a blessing really.  At about 5pm, I was ready to walk and took a pee. Yay.  It's the small things, right?!

My husband was, IS, and amazing caregiver. He ended up staying the night with me in the hospital. That wasn't the original plan but he didn't want to leave my side. Bless him. They got him a cot and everything.

Legacy Good Samaritan hospital was amazing. My nurses were great, my CNA's were great. It was my first experience with any type of surgery and they did a fantastic job.

Now, for the next part of my journey!

June 3rd.  Should I be nervous?  Should I be excited?  Right now, I don't feel anything. I mean, I am excited that it's finally a solidified date, and that it's truly going to happen, but other than that.  I am a little nervous when I sit down and think on it, nervous about the IV and the other unknowns.

The IV is by far, the most traumatic part of this whole process. I have never had one before my endoscopy. My fear of needles is strong enough that I thought it would be a game ender. However, I made it through the IV for the endoscopy and know that I will make it through the IV for surgery.  Still, the autonomic reaction that my body has to the IV is pretty pathetic.  Waterworks and crying. I made my last RN feel bad, I didn't warn her before hand that I would react like that. But I didn't know!  Now I do and can warn the next IV RN.

I have my pre-surgery class next week. I bet it will all sink in that day. 

Ok, so I am more anxious about it than I thought.  I have to keep remembering that I am changing my life. Thank you for everyone that posts the before and after photos. They are such an inspiration and motivation.

I have been in a 6 month supervised weight loss program (per insurance) since November. Originally, starting this process, I thought I would have had the surgery already. Then came to terms that it would at least be 6 months. Well, my 6 months have come and gone. I was running out of time to get my surgery scheduled before it was nearly impossible to schedule due to scheduled vacations at work.  The entire month of May someone is out of the office on vacation. We are already understaffed so I knew I couldn't take the time out for surgery in May.  That being said, everyone I was working with knew this.  April had to be the month. It was my 6th month of the supervised program and just seemed perfect. 

I had my sleep study in January.  I have had the worst experience with Willamette Sleep Center and a CPAP machine that I should have been on since then.  When I finally got my surgeon consult, she asked me how my CPAP machine was doing. I just asked her, "what CPAP machine?". She then informed me that I needed to be on one for at least the week prior to surgery so April was out of the question.  WHAT??!! I have been waiting for 6 months, busting my ass for 6 months and now I have to wait?  June was the next option for time off from work.  I have been round and round with Legacy and Willamette Sleep Center with my CPAP and who was going to actually going to go over the sleep study results with me.  Legacy said Willamette would do it, Willamette said Legacy would do it. Come ON!

Finally get with Willamette and they go over the results with me, mild case of sleep apnea, news to me.  They write a prescription for a CPAP machine, fax it over to Providence Home Medical Equipment.  A week goes by.  Nothing.  I contacted Willamette today and they say that "it's been a week, have you called Providence?" OMG. Yes, I was on eternal hold so I hung up and called you.  Well, try calling them again blah blah blah.  I call and am on hold for 10 more minutes. Finally a nice man named Brian answers the phone. I give him my name and DOB, CAN'T FIND MY ORDER!!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!!  I am so frustrated at this point, after I hang up the phone I start to cry.  I feel so let down!  Like I am doing my part in this but nothing else is working out!  WTF. 

So now, at this point, my tentative surgery on June 3rd might not work out. If I can't get on a CPAP and then have a month's worth of readings for the insurance to prove that I am in "compliance", I can't have my surgery when it's scheduled and it will have to be moved back even more.  It will be months later as June is the ONLY other month this entire summer that doesn't have some one out of the office on vacation.

If I get my surgery in June, this will have been an 8 month process, just to get to surgery.  I am now wondering if it's worth it.  I have lost, officially per the Legacy scale, 35 lbs. Not that much in 6 months if you ask me, but apparently not too bad. I did reach my goal for weight loss. Can I do this on my own? My track record hasn't been very good for the last 40 years, who's to say I could be successful on my own.  I probably could, but it definitely would take forever.  It's been easier to tell myself that I don't want to eat something or shouldn't eat something or watch my serving sizes because I was working for a specific goal.  6 months is a long time, but I can bust my ass for 6 months.  It will be so much easier after surgery, to be able to SEE the progress and weight loss.  Right now, 35 lbs later, I still don't see it.  Not one person has asked me if I have lost weight. Only a handful of people know that I am going to have surgery, so they ask how I am doing.  But no one else I know has noticed.  But really, if you have 442 rocks and you take 35 away, who is going to notice?  My jeans fit better, or rather, they actually fit.  That's the only thing I have noticed. I guess it's something.

I am so bummed right now.  I'm going to go for a walk, maybe the will help a little.

Gah.

Had my dietitian and physical therapist meetings last week, just before Thanksgiving.  They went well. I really enjoyed the dietitian meeting.  Guess I'm doing the Medifast Lean and Green and a gazillion protein drink diet.  The protein drinks they recommended, from Costco, aren't that great.  I got the chocolate ones.  Maybe vanilla would be better.  I did order a non flavored powder.  I also picked up a ton of protein bars and grab one of those instead of the drinks.  They have the same amount of calories.  I'll have to ask to see if they do the same thing.  I have such a hard time with the texture of the protein drinks that I make myself.  The powdery grittiness of them.  I have a hard time finishing them.  The protein bars I don't mind at all.

So my first this-sucks moment.  It took me a very long time to make the decision to pursue surgery.  Sure, I had filled out the applications before, but this time was the first time I had actually mailed one in (well, two actually, different hospitals).  I got the approval from my insurance and was told that I had 6 months.  So, I thought that meant I had 6 months to lose my 35lbs and get the surgery.  I was gungho!  I thought, having started in November, by Feburary I could have my surgery.  In the dietitian meeting, I found out that "6 months" actually meant a 6 month long doctor supervised weight loss program.  What?  I have to wait for the full 6 months??  Now, I have to wait until April.  That sounds like SO LONG FROM NOW.  It is, it's 5 long months from now.  It's two full seasons!  I literally had the wind knocked from my sails. 

Now not only do I have to drastically change the food I eat, concentrate on moving more, but I have to work on the way I think about this.  I have to change the thoughts of "what's the rush, I have lots of time to lose the weight", "what if I don't lose the weight in 6 months", "What if I do these changes and nothing changes!" (that is what basically got me to where I am now anyway, giving up when I don't see changes).  Somehow I have to change that thinking to be more positive.  My biggest hurdle is mental for me.  I feel defeated already and I've only been at this a month.  Gah.  Maybe I should email my psychologist, isn't that what he's there for?

In the meantime, I'll just keep plugging along.  I made baked chicken breast with sweet hot chili sauce and roasted butternut squash for dinner while my husband went out with friends. Oddly enough, I was totally ok with it and didn't miss the bar tacos that he had for dinner.  My dinner was good, and it was really the first "lean and green" actual meal that I have made.  My husband said, "that sounds healthy"... yeah. It is.  Pintrest is my friend when it comes to recipes for those.  I have a lot of inspiration from there. 

I should do this more often.  Writing this out is cathartic and a whole lot easier than writing in a journal.

I have been to Portland for appointments twice in the last two days.  I had my psych appointment with Dr. Dale Veith on Tuesday.  What a nice guy. I only cried once!  (it wasn't even about me lol)  He was the psychologist in my Welcome Group and I am thankful that he is my assigned psychologist for this process.  I realize that I have a lot to work on regarding my perception of me.  I had made a comment about not being able to do something as well as I "should" be able to and he gently corrected me and changed the verbiage around to make it a positive statement.  I didn't even realize that I was "putting myself down".  I do that A LOT!  I have been big my entire life and it's normal for me to subconsciously put myself down like that.  Telling myself that I am not "good enough" or that I should be better.  I am good enough, and I am getting better.  It will be hard for me to stop thinking about what other people think or might think about me and think for myself. 

Had my nurse practitioner's appointment today.  I had asked several times if I would be having a blood draw today for the labs they ordered.  I was told no.  I wasn't prepared when she made a comment about going to the lab.  So, I get to look forward to that in the morning.  Fasting while at work on night shift is hard!  It would have been a lot easier if I could sleep during my fasting hours.  But, I guess I'll get a lot of water in today.

Driving to Portland is very stressful for me.  I HATE the traffic, the bridges, all the congestion.  When I had my BP taken today it was 168-96.  I asked MaryBeth if that was my BP and she said "yeah, it's a little high".  I said "it's a LOT high".  Kind of freaked me out a little.  She asked if doctors make me anxious and they do, every time.  She said she could take my BP after the appointment to see if I had calmed down a bit.  Sure enough 130-80.  The NP said my BP was fine.  My husband reminded me how stressed out I get driving in Portland traffic.  I had NO idea what it actually did to my BP.  

I was told that my insurance wants me to lose 5% of my body weight, but that the surgeon's want me to lose 35lbs.  Everyone has this look like "I know it's going to be hard, and I'm sorry for giving you this news, but...".  I fail to see how it's a bad thing.  If I lose 35lbs, that's 35lbs I don't have to lose later.  And I am 35LBS LIGHTER!  Yes, it might be difficult, it will be trying and I will have a lot of changes to make.  But It's a good thing.  Obviously the decisions I have made all my life to this point haven't worked out for me.  Time to change things up!

I look forward to the PT and Dietitian appointments on Tuesday. (SO glad they are on the same day....only one trip. YaY)  I am anxious to hear what they have to say about moving more and eating better.  I have made a conscious effort in portion control. I was 3.6lbs lighter today when I was weighed.  It's a start!

435.4

I have been approved by my insurance and have been accepted into the program at Legacy Weight and Diabetes Institute in Portland.  I was able to schedule all of my beginning appointments within the next 4 weeks.  I have been to the Welcome Group and taken my psych scantron tests.  I look forward to my next appointments, the labs, dietician, psych, and PT.  I haven't had my surgical consult scheduled yet, not sure when that will happen.  I should ask about that.

I have also been advised to contact my insurance and find out exactly what they will cover. I am fortunately double covered, PEBB Providence through the state and a lesser secondary insurance. I had attempted to find out from them what they cover before I filled out my application of surgery.  I never got any real answers, but just that they don't cover bariatric surgery.  I was surprised when I got notification that I had been approved through my insurance companies for surgery. I had filled out the surgery application on the acceptance of paying for this surgery by myself.  I am in the right place for it now, and had decided that no matter what it cost, I would pay for it, some how. 

If I contact my insurance company for specifics, is there a certain kind of terminology I need to use to get a straight answer?  It didn't work the first time. I just don't know what to ask for other than "Hey, what specifically do you cover when it comes to bariatric surgery?".  Perhaps now that I have been approved, it will be easier to get information.

This will be quite a ride, I am sure.

439.5