Laura Highley

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I am just over a year out from my surgery. It was on February 20, 2008. I have lost 80 pounds, which I keep telling myself is good, but is def not where my surgeon would like me. To be perfectly honest it is not where I want to be myself.

The problem started this summer when I began experimenting more with food. I found out that I can eat anything and don't dump. Never have. I have not been sick one time since I had my surgery. Not even with getting anything stuck. ( For which I am really thankful) However, now that I know I can eat the bad stuff. I want to eat the bad stuff. My old bad habits are starting to come back in full force. I just can't seem to stop myself from eating the things I know I shouldn't.

I have had some tough times emotionally with a few things and my first instinct is to eat to cover the pain and hurt. I know I shouldn't but I can't seem to stop myself. I know what everyone's first words of advice will be and I have tried therapy in the past, but did not really find it helpful.

One thing I think may really have helped is a support group, but I had my surgery 2 hours away and that is where the closest support group is. While I would love to attend it has just not been something I have been able to do.

i haven't been on the boards for months because I just couldn't face it. I couldn't face all of the people who are suceeding where I have been failing. All of people who are able to put their issues with food aside and live their lives. Plus on the past when I have read a post like this from someone the responses have not always been the most pleasant. I'm looking for support and understanding not condemnation. Believe I am harder on myself than anyone else ever could be on me. That has always been a problem of mine.

So, why pore out my heart now, because I finally belive I am ready for some advice. I need to get this under control. What do you all do when you get hungry? What are your favorite things to fill you up? What do you eat or do that makes you hungier quicker? Any and/or all advice would be wonderful.

Thanks for reading.

So, obviously I am not the master blogger. I haven't updated in like 10 months. Well, I had my open RNY procedure with Dr Custer out of Barix Clinics and I am so happy. It has really been the most amazing and rewarding thing I could have done.

I am not going to say it is all easy because at first I really struggled. The first two weeks at home where sheer he** on earth. I worried that I had made the wrong decision. So if you are reading this and you are there let me say "You will feel better!!" I was in a lot of pain and just didn't want to smell food in my house, let alone consider eating the protein shakes. I made it through those days and am now 100% positive I made not only the right but the ONLY decision.

I am down a total of 69 pounds according to my scales. I started at 281 on the first morning of my presurgical clear liquid diet and was 212 when I woke up this morning. It has been a little discouraging the past few weeks since I did not lose any weight. I am determined to get back on track and exercise more. Also, I am taking another look at my protein and water intake.

Right now the bariatric center has me at 39% of excess weight lost. They expect 50% at the 6 month mark (or at least the surgeon says that is what he likes to see). So he has challenged me to lose 50 pounds in the next six months. The crazy thing is I know I can do it. I just have to put my mind to it like I did when I was going through the approval process to have this surgery.

The promises I am making myself are to:
1. Exercise at least 3 times a week for 40-50 mnutes.
2. Drink the required water and then start on the caffiene.
3. Put myself first when needed and not feel as if everyone elses needs come before my own.
4. Limit myself to the drive thru to only 1 or 2 times a week and NO fried food.
5. One Diet Coke a month. and I will enjoy it.
6. I will not hide from the boards and will use them for encouragement and knowlege.
7. I will check my weight on the scale only one time a week, not everyday.
8. I will keep a food diary and closely monitor my protein intake.
9. I will allow myself one "treat" a month that is outside of my every day eating plans.
10. I will succeed. Failure is not an option.

I have stayed off the boards lately because I have had such a hard time with staying and being positive and it has been a real struggle to be positive for everyone else.Even though I really am excited for everyone who has or has had their date and is on their way. I am still waiting to hear back from the insurance department since the latest round of insurance issues.

I was so high and feeling so good on the 26th of November when I found out I had been approved, but that didn't last long. A week later I was informed they would have to send everything back to Aetna because they had submitted the laproscopic procedure and I will be an open with gall bladder removal. It seems like every time I call there is a new excuse or setback. The most frustrating thing is not knowing and it being totally out of my hands. I'm sure since I got approved for the lap rny that the approval for the open will be forthcoming, but I just really thought I would have a date by now. That I would be able to look at calendar and know the day my new life will begin. I told my family the only thing I want for Christmas is a date, but already know that will never happen in a week.

I just needed to vent and knew you all would understand. To my family it is no big deal because it is just a delay, but to me it is VERY disappointing . Thank you all for reading.  I really love having a place to come to vent knowing I am understood.

Laura

Okay, so I am trying to be patient and let go, but it has been very trying lately. My paperwork was turned in on November 13th and I received an approval right away, but did not know about it until November 26th. I kept checking back to see if they had gotten the approval letter and was told on the 29th by the insurance department  in Michigan that Aetna NEVER faxes approval and I would just have to wait until the recieved the letter through the mail. I called Aetna on the 30th and it was faxed to them that day. 

Then when I called the doctor's office in Ohio I was told that my intial approval does not count because they submitted the laproscopic procedure and I had to change mine to an open with gall bladder removal. So, they said they have to resubmit the whole package. I called Aetna today to check on things and not only have they not resubmitted the packet they do not have to resubmit. A simple phone call to the case manager will take care of it all. Confused yet? Me too. So I called Barix's insurance department one more time and they said they had never got the file back from Ohio. So, the girl I talked to said she would check with her supervisor today and see what needed to be done. I just wanted to say give me the code and I'll call Aetna.

I really appreciate the people from Barix and everyone has been so nice, but I am very disappointed. It seems as if one dept doesn't know what the other one is doing. Plus the insurance dept seems to just use a one size fits all approach. I just had to vent.

One a good note though. My friend and coworker who I have been going through this whole process with just found out she was approved. HOORAY TRACI!!! THE REST OF THE OFFICE JUST BETTER WATCH OUT!! LOL

Here I was thinking that November 26 was the last day of my 90 day program, but found out that tomorrow is the end. My last appointment with the nutritionist. I went to my last doctor's appointment today. I can't believe the time has flown like it has. I wish I would have done better and worked harder. I have been really good and lost weight the last two weeks I just wish I would have focused more in the earlier weeks.  I wanted to be 20 pounds down at the end of it and I am only around 6 or 8. Disappointing, but I can't go back only forward. 

I have found out that I have a bad gall bladder which needs removed. I am attempting to have it done during my bypass surgery, but this means changing surgeons. Same office, different doctor. While I REALLY liked Dr Ramos, this is okay. As long as I get the surgery I am okay. I have heard very good things about Dr Custer and meet with him next week. I had thought about having them done separately, but it would mean a 6 week wait between procedures and the surgeon here cannot take out my gall bladder until December 18. 

Anyway, just wanted to update. I can't wait until tomorrow and the insurance company gets my info. Maybe I'm just being optimistic, but I don't see any problems arising from that. Loser's bench here I come!!!!

I can't believe I am over halfway through my 90 day prep diet. It has passed quickly, yet slowly at the same time. It has been crazy with good and bad times. Just to hit the high spots.

I love the nutritionist at Barix. Katie is so sweet and I am really glad that I decided to drive the two hours every other week.

I am going broke over all of the Drs visits, tests and fees, but I know it will be all worth it in the end.

I thought I was a healthy fat girl until I started this process. Now I have found I have a hiatal hernia with GERD, gall stones, a fatty liver and most likely sleep apnea. Hello! The things you can ignore from your body. I guess I better start paying more attention.

The wait seems so long, but I know that I can do this. I am just so excited and want to have the surgery all ready. I have never been known for my patience

I had my initial surgery consult on Monday, August 20. 
I went in thinking lapband, but after discussing options 
with him I have settled on the RNY bypass. It just seems
like a better option for me.  I walked out of the clinic so 
excited and optimistic. However, the first thing I wanted 
to do was eat. This really helped to bring home to me 
the way that I use food. When I'm happy, sad, stressed, 
and every other situation. I realized then that surgery 
alone was not gonna be the answer. I had already made 
an appt with a counselor who specializes in eating 
disorders (because lets face it , that is what i have) 
now I knew how important that is gonna be. No matter 
what I will break this addicition to food. I will not live 
like this any longer!!!!