Lisa H.

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Hello Everyone,

I am again fighting the head battle... I know that my body can deal without junk, I did it for years... but my head is screaming for carbs...I am tracking what I am eating again and trying to remain honest with myself about it. 

How sad is it that I have a hard time being honest with myself. I can eat something then when I have to write it down, I struggle with it.  But this is a process and I know that and I am trying to get my head back into the game of how bad I want this and why I did this all to begin with. 

I reread my posts and I remember the pain in my life and how desperate I was for this. How much work and time I invested to prepare and make this the most successful chance I could to be healthy. 

So now that I am reconnecting with that, I have to go back to what I did in the beginning. Undo the damage i have done in the past 3yrs.  

I am looking for ways to stop using food again to cope. 

I am going to check out all of the stuff that has been added to this site to acquaint myself with it and be able to use it to help me the most.

So yesterday I went out with my mother, my daughter, my sister and my sister-in-law. I ate a healthy breakfast in the morning, then when we had lunch i went with a turkey breast wrap, dry with lettuce and tomatoe and no cheese. I had unsweeted tea and a few chips. I ate half at lunch and the rest later in the afternoon. I tried a piece of a jelly donut thing my daughter bought...uuugghhh... so hard sometimes not to try stuff.   then last night my brother and sister cooked dinner for me, my mom, my sister in law and brother in law.  I had 6 scallops (yum) and half of an asiago cheese roll with butter, I later ate the other half of the roll (didn't want to do that). I also ate some granola with honey and nuts (some...like 1 1/2 cups). then later i ate a hershey with almonds bar, and a handful of chocolate covered coffee beans. I was doing good all day then struggled at night. I am fighting alot of head stuff.  I would appreciate any suggestions of what to do to help.

I really want to do this, to use my tool to lose the 30 I gained back, plus build healthy habits.

Well thanks for letting me rant and rave here. I am striving to come on here at least every other day... part of being honest.

Lisa H.

340+/209/178  -141lbs

rny/gb 10-23-03 

Hello Everyone,

I am back again... that is the one great thing about this site and this surgery... these are tools that are always there. They can always be used again. I am oh so grateful. 

Okay so to bring everyone up to speed, I have been helping take care of my mom and balancing that with my commitments at my church (running the food center), and my kids.  I get tired and I just am a couch potato when I am not picking up donations. 

I need to change this. I do alot of grazing, which is not good.  

So lack of exercise and increase in junk and here I am at 210.5... man, I am bummed, however, It could have been alot worse. 

I am ready to rededicate myself to this lifestyle. I tried so hard to make this work and it has and I just need to get back into the mindset that made my surgery a success to begin with. 

So I want to get back down to 178... so I need to lose 32.5lbs... I am truly going to work on this... my 10 yr. surgiversary is Oct 23, 2013... I would love to have this weight off by then. I believe I can do it!.

I am trying to recommit to coming on here and giving back, it helps me tremendously, and the support is awesome. 

So to all of you I am grateful, lets continue on this journey together... Man it has been 10yrs that I have been on this journey, unbelievable. 

Okay I am going to go, I will blog again later. :-)

Rny/gb 10/23/03

340+/210.5/178  -130 (approx.)   I will be back down to half my original weight!

Hey everyone,
I am sorry I have been away for so long... busy life, I really am trying to refocus on my health. Lots of catching up on testing, I also have been eating healthier. I have also given up Diet Mountain Dew (if you know me, you would know what a tremendous thing this is.) So now I am down to 196lbs. I am so grateful to be in onederland. I am focusing on my spiritual life, not letting king stomach reign... thank you God!
I have not really been keeping up with OH, however, since my bf Marlene just went through her surgery less than 2 weeks ago, she started asking me a few questions and I sent her my link remembering how much i poured into my blog.
I gained so much from this awesome community. So much knowledge and support. I will forever be grateful.
So like I was saying i am going to be coming back, to get back into my post-op way of life.  I want to get into working out and keeping up with my supplements and reconnecting with my inner self. Making a commitment to myself again. to regain my determination to be healthy. I admit I do want to lose 20lbs, but if I don't, I will be satisfied.
Thanks for being here everyone, and I am glad that you all are here.

Okay, I will be back to blog some more.
Lisa H.
post-op rny/gb 10-23-03
340+/196/176 (down 150lbs)
 

December 10, 2010

Hey everyone,
Alot has gone on since I last posted on here. Well two days before my granddaughter was due to be born I went to her last check-up appointment and she had passed away, there was a knot in the cord. That was on Dec. 22, 2008, and she was born Dec 24, 2008. Her funeral was Dec. 31, 2008. This was very hard to go through and I did start gaining weight,. Like I have said before this is stomach surgery not brain surgery.  I didn't know how to help my daughter through this and how I could get through it. I miss my little Bailey Michealina Haines.  My daughter did get pregnant again as soon as she was allowed and my gorgeous grandson James Edward Haines Jr. was born Dec. 6, 2009 (my 47th birthday!). He is the most beautiful baby ever...lol.  We just celebrated his 1st birthday, praise God!

During this time my mother also was diagnosed with throat cancer, and an aortic aneurysm. They repaired her aneurysm and then she started chemo and radiation.  She got sick and had 3 strokes in one night. (this was the summer and fall 2009).  This was a very tough time, but Christ saw us through. She is now cancer free and living back in PA with us. She is still trying to recover from the stroke. I take care of her during the day. I am glad I have this time with her. She will be 70 in January.

Well I am not going to go into anymore detail of the other struggles I have faced and am facing.  I just have been dealing with alot of stress and emotions. I have gained weight about another 20lbs since I was last on here. So I am now 208lbs.
and holding steady.  I am so grateful that it wasnt 150lbs, which it could have been if I didn't have this surgery.
So now, I am trying to refocus myself and try and follow the rules strictly again to use my tool and lose this 30 lbs.

I did have an upper GI done last month and the doctor did say that my hidden limb of my rny is a little long and is acting as a pouch to hold more food. This really depressed me because I noticed that I have been able to eat alot more food during the past year.  I am hoping by getting back on track that this will perhaps shrink some and that I can gain some control and lose weight.

I am so grateful that I still have the restriction that I have, I think that 30lbs is very do-able.
I will keep you guys posted on what I am doing and how I am reaching my goal.

If anyone wants to join me, please just drop me a message.
thanks for being here.
I am going to go and I will talk to you's later.
Lisa
rny gb with hand assist
10/23/03
340+/208/173  -136lbs (want to be down 170 again)

Hi Everyone!
Well I am still able to wear the same clothing sizes as last year! well and the year before....well heck I think for 3 or 4 yrs running now....UNBELIEVABLE!!!
I am so grateful for this surgery....as they say, I would do it over again in a heartbeat...
My weight now is stuck at the 180-183 lb range...so I am setting a goal to lose 15lbs to put me in the 165-168 range.  Thats where I want to be.
You know this surgery can help with losing the weight, but the head games continue forever.

I have been having alot of problems in my personal life...my son, my finances...lack of a relationship...depression....but the one good thing I can say is that I haven't gained 100lbs over all this.......lol..which is really a miracle.


I dont' want it to sound like my life is all bad...it isn't...I did find out that I am going to be a grandmom!! Believe it!  My 20 yr old daughter is due on December 23rd 2008...what an awesome christmas present!
I also don't want to miss acknowleding my awesome God for his presence in my life....if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here.  I know you might think with alot going wrong how can I be grateful and thank God, because He is my savior and my salvation.  I am not suppossed to be comfortable in this world, and when you are strong in the Lord the devil attacks....I know it sounds all cultish...but its not....my spirituality is my essence.  God will see me through.

So now I am just trying to regroup, get my house together, make a decision whether I am going to school for more training or getting a job out-right, getting my son on the right track (13-14 is a very hard age), and hopefully in the process meet someone.  I have spent enough time alone...never in the right relationship....always pick someone who always puts me in the background....I'm tired of being on the backburner for my entire life.  So I am ready to move on.....Scared, but ready...lol...

I have had personal issues with being a victim in my life and recently a friend of mine's daughters have gone to court against the guy who assaulted them.  I am so proud of how well they have handled everything.....it is very difficult...I know I went through the court hell myself in 1991-1992, and the court totally let me down...but for them it was a victory....well a loss as well, but anyway he was convicted and sentenced to 10 to 45 yrs in jail.  It was very cathartic for me to go through this with them.  Kind of made me look at my situation from a different angle and also to realize that if it weren't for the few like me who pressed charges and went to court that these girls would not have the victory they attained.

Boy am I on a rant today or what...lol....I know that I sound skittish and jumbled, but I have so much on my mind that it is tough concentrating on one problem at a time...lol...but I am coping without food!

I guess what I want to say is that it is possible to live without food being the crutch to help you stand.  I am learning that still, everyday.  

Well I guess if anyone can read through all this and can make sense of it and wants to talk for support, please don't hesitate to email me...lol.

I just need to rant alittle every once in a while....i'll be back on in a better mood and try and through some humor to my page.
I love you all who suffer with this horrible disease of obesity and I will keep you in my prayers that you find some relief.

ttyl...ttfn..lol....
Lisa
340+/181/???

Hey Everyone,
I was so busy updating my profile that I didn't put in an entry the other day.
I just wanted to get back on here and get back to basics....I am now 4yrs and 5mths out from surgery.  OMG! I can't believe that it has been that long....I almost can't remember what it was like to be so heavy...well I do remember alot and different things flash me back..I am so grateful that God gave me this opportunity to lose the weight and get healthy.  I am still staying around my original goal of the 170's....I float up and down between 174 and 182....I am going to really make an effort to get in more food and water and start walking again to see if I can get down further.  I should just be happy to be here....I can still wear my 12's, and I look pretty good.  
I am grateful that I am this far out and I have not had a real bounce back weight issue....some people get this far out and gain back 20 to 30% of their weight...that would have put me back up at  208lbs (at the lowest) and 233lbs or worse at my highest.  So sitting here in my little 8lb float of weight isn't too bad. 

My friend Donny Kaut had his surgery at University of Penn yesterday...I hope everything went well, I am going to try and get an update today on how he is doing.  I am so happy for him that he was able to have it done.

I will get back to you's later, I guess...my daughter needs to use the compter.
I just needed to remind myself that I would not be alive now if I didn't have this surgery...I thought I would be dead in less than 5 yrs....I KNOW I would have been.
Okay ttyl!
anyone needs some support just email me.
Love ya's,
Lisa
lap/rny 10-23-03 340+/174-182/???

09-27-07
Hey Everyone,
Yeah I am still around..lol...this has been the longest commitment I have made to anyone other than a spouse or my children....lol.
I have grown alot over the past 4 yrs.  I was just thinking about 4 yrs ago at this time...I had trouble walking, sitting, sleeping, breathing...I weighed around 330-340+lbs.  It is so hard to believe sometimes.
I am coming up on my 4 yr anniversary of surgery...I still can't believe it sometimes! but I am so grateful that I had this chance, I would already be dead if it weren't for this surgery. 
Even though I have to worry about supplementing so that I don't have deficiencies and watching what I eat so that I don't dump or fall asleep..lol...I would do it again in a heartbeat.
I remember being so afraid that I would have a heart attack before I got my chance in surgery, I was so nervous about that, but here i am 4 yrs later and I am healthier than ever (well a little low on the iron, but am remedying that).  I have stayed pretty much at the same weight, i was just reflecting on my past...I know I get obsessive about the weighing but it keeps me mindful of my gift....
9/03 I weighed 330-340+lbs....9/29/04 I weighed 189lbs.....9/05 I weighed 174lbs....9/06 I weighed 172-174 lbs....and today 9/27/07 I weigh 173lbs...so i have maintained my weightloss. I have never weighed the same for so many years in a row....it is awesome.
Yeah I still have it in my head that i would like to weigh 140lbs again someday, but you know what, i look good in my clothes  and it is not a struggle for me to stay at this weight, heck I'm wearing a 10-12 so i am just counting my blessings and am going to be satisfied.
I am still trying to get my life in order...lol...that is the longest project, have been working on that since I was a teen and now I am 44 yrs old....will be 45 on 12/6/07....time sure flies...lol....okay I've gotta go wake my son up for school, but I will be back.
Anyone have any questions or need to talk don't hesitate to email me.
I'll keep you all in my prayers and please continue to pray for our soldiers in the war (my 19yr old nephew has been fighting in and around bagdad since jan).
Okay talk at you later...bye.
Lisa hackenburg
lap/rny  10-23-03 340+/173/??? -167lbs!!

March 25, 2007
Hello Everyone,
I know that it has been awhile. I have felt there wasn't a whole lot to contribute on my journey.  But I wanted to stop back in and post, I still do read alot on this site and everyday I read the Q+A.  I have gained 10 to 12 lbs total from my lowest weight (which lasted like 1 day...lol).  I am going back to basics, my problem is that I am eating too many carbs.  I am going to cut back and the weight will come off. I am so grateful for this surgery still. I don't think I would be here if it weren't for this surgery.  I still can't eat as much as pre-surgery, nor would I want too. I still have a problem balancing my eating because I can't eat alot of veggies or food with too much vitamin K or vitamin E...everything it seems interacts with the coumadin I am on.  I never miss taking my supplements, and my bloodwork is always good.  I don't even feel like I have had the surgery now.  I wish in a way that feeling from the first year would come back, when I could be so strict because I was scared and because my body couldn't handle much. 
I am still trying to cope with some head games, the fears that returned after the weight and fat have come off. I really don't feel as safe anymore, and it keeps me trapped in my house and my mind.  The weight I felt used to protect me, who could want to do anything to such a heavy person, let alone people noticing me, alot of people kind of blank out the overweight.  Now the panic sets in, like before I gained the weight as an adult, the panic because I was attacked, I thought I had overcome it, but it is back.  It makes it hard for me to leave my house.  So I sometimes feel like I traded one prison for another. I am working on these issues though...I want so badly to have a life.  I force myself to go outside and do things...small things and I am gaining more of a sense of safety with myself....silly I know. I am more prepared now, am better able to recognize unsafe situations, and be totally aware of my surroundings. 

I am trying to get back into cognitive therapy, ptsd sucks...lol.
Now that you all think I am crazy, I am sorry for rambling.
I have made a big step towards exercising again, to tone up this body and lose the little that I have gained.  I bought an exercise ball and will try to strengthen my core muscles, and try to strengthen my mind as well.  I will keep you all posted on my progress.
I do feel sometimes like you's are the only friends that I have not to make anyone feel bad or bust on anyone, but I know I need to develop "real" people relationships...lol.

Okay, I've got to go for now. I'll talk to you's later.
Email me if you need someone to talk to.
Lisa H.  340/180/???  -160lbs  post lap/rny 10-23-03
Dr. Williams

October 13, 2006
Hey Everyone,
I know long time no hear!! I'm sorry I haven't been on, things have been crazy...with my sister passing on and family issues....well anyway I'm still here.
I had to block my account for awhile, there was some crazy woman (who knows someone I know, not a stranger) was getting info on me off of this site so I blocked it for awhile, hope the craziness is gone.
Anyway, I am creeping up on my 3yr anniversary of my surgery!! And I would do it again in a heartbeat, for real!!  I have gone through alot of changes over the past three years, and I am now finally getting a grip on how to listen to my body and I am doing good.  I have given up diet mountain dew....was tearing my stomach up, plus helping dehydrate me.  But now I can again drink water, yippeee.  Anyway, over the summer I had gained about 10lbs back and it started freaking me out, but you know what, my tool is still with me and I was able to go back to basics and you know what, it came back off. I am sooo grateful. 
The only thing I wish that i could change is the amount of extra skin I have....my arms have toned up some, which I am glad for, it took time for my weight to settle and redistribute I guess. But my panni is all soft and squishy, I tuck it in my pants, if i didn't have that I know i would weigh alot less and probably could wear size 4 or 6 pants. Oh well, I can't take a chance on having another surgery because of my blood clotting issue, its not worth risking my life over some loose skin.  I had the wls because without it I would have died, so it was well worth the risk.
Okay, I've gotta go and I will update again later. I really want to put together some concise thoughts and feelings and really moving points from these past 3 yrs and then post them.
Thanks so much for being here everyone.
I will keep all of you in my prayers, everyone who is suffering from or ever suffered from an eating disorder.
LOVE YOU ALL!!
Lisa H. 340+/172/??? -170lbs (about)...lol...

May 5, 2006

Hey Everyone,
I know I don't update as much, but it just feels like repeating myself alot of the time. I'm sorry....I will try and be more consistent.
Well I have been having problems with my INR level (it has to do with my blood clotting). I can't stay in the 2-3 point range...I actually have gone up and down from as high as a 6.9 and as low as a 1. I can clot when it is too low and I can bleed if it is too high. Its enough to drive you crazy. I have been having headaches and along with the high INR my hematologist stopped my warfarin (generic for coumadin) for a week, then tested and it had dropped from 6.9 to a 1...scary.  So with the symptoms I was having he wanted to make sure I didn't have a brain bleed, so I had a cat scan with contrast.  not a bad test, the stuff they put in the IV, the actual contrast just makes your body feel really warm, some parts hot, but it doesn't last long.  Well I don't have a bleed! Yeah!!
So it was back onto the warfarin and I go back next thursday to have my INR tested again. 
Other than that problem, and the stress of my kids, I am doing great. I still am in the 170's, I stick around 175lbs.
Its weird, now it is getting really hot out, so I took out some of my summer stuff from last year, totally expecting it not to fit, I picked out a pair of denim capri's that are a junior size 12 and slipped them right on and zipped without a problem...I was amazed!
It is so wonderful to be given this second opportunity at life and to actually be able to maintain a normal body size.  My jeans are still size 10-12 depending on cut.  I am so grateful for this life saving surgery.
I am going through a kind of mind thing with food lately though, I really don't have an appetite for food, I mean I get hungry, but there is nothing that appeals to me, so I am mainly drinking protein drinks and other liquids.  I think I am starting to lose weight again, I guess'll just have to wait and see.
I am going to be taking my bike out to ride, I can't wait, a little scared but I've gotta start sometime.
I still take my supplements everyday, I think that that is the key to remaining healthy. OH and I can finally drink water again!!
Prior to surgery I used to drink like 100ozs a day of water, after surgery I was lucky if I could drink 2 ozs.  Well just this past week I have been able to drink as much as 50-60 ozs in a day! I am so excited, it isn't hard on my pouch anymore. Of course this isn't tap water its bottled water, but who cares. I know that this will help me maintain better health, and also I have been able to cut my diet soda consumption in half, yippee.  I also had been worrying about my kidneys and liver from not getting enough water, but now i can drink enough to help flush toxins out of my system.
I am so glad.
It is strange how different life is without it surrounding food!
Of course now I have difficulty dealing with problems, but if I didn't have a problem before I would have never hit over 340lbs. I am just trying to find a way within myself to become balanced and to try and make myself happy without resorting to outside sources (commonly known as switching addictions or negative coping skills). If anyone has any suggestions, please don't hesitate to email me, for real!
Okay, well I am going to go, and I'll be back again soon to keep you all posted.
I'll keep all of you pre and post ops in my prayers as well as anyone suffering from this horrible disease of obesity.
Love Ya's,
Lisa  postop lap/rny 10-23-03 340+/175/??? -165 -170lbs!!