Almost there

Dec 05, 2011

I have a surgery date! 12-22-11. I am just waiting to get the official confirmation that insurance approved everything. I also have so many appointments over the next 2 weeks to get all of my pre-op testing out of the way. I start the liquid diet on Thursday. I'm so excited, but terrified that something will happen in pre-op testing or with the pre-authorization that will take this away from me. I can't even imagine being thin. I can't imagine not having to squeeze into my clothes, and not being afraid to go shopping, go out to dinner at a place with booths, or do anything physical with people I may be embarrased in front of.

Meanwhile I haven't really felt the need to go crazy having last meals which is good. I'm happy I'm going to be on a liquid diet leading up to the holidays as it's an easy out. For me it's that first taste that kills me, I can't stop once I start. I just continue to feel empty until I'm sick.

Being faced with an addiction like food and still having to eat it everyday is so excruciating. I think the break from food will help me to reset and be a welcome break from the internal struggle I have every day of trying to be responsible and struggling with every bite to make it something healthy, or not too much, or just enough to fill me up. I have internal dialogues at every meal time - actually I have internal dialogues just thinking of my next meal that could fill a book.

So on that happy note! I'm glad to not have the holiday food be an option and I have my optifast all laid out and ready for Thursday morning! Can't wait. 

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