Meleani W.

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Today is Wednesday.  It seems like this week is going slower than usual.  Not sure why -- some weeks just speed by and before you know it, there's Friday!  I think maintaining weight loss or losing what you may have gained should be the same way.  You get to work on yourself, so to speak, eating healthy, exercising, eating your protein first, keeping up with your friends on OH -- and while the going seems slow alot of the time, before you know it, the results start coming in and FRIDAY arrives!  My "Friday" hasn't arrived yet.  It is just "the beginning of the week" for me in this journey to lose what I have gained after surgery (30 pounds) but FRIDAY IS COMING, FOLKS!!!!!  TGIF!!!!

Remember that old soap opera, "As the World Turns" ? (I don't know, it may still be on?)  I titled this blog entry "as the years turn" because that is what it has been now - four years and one month since my surgery.  Progress report?  Not too good, not too bad.  Gained 15 pounds in the last year due to stress of a new job (and subsequently no exercise as I am exhausted when I get home from work), living in a small home with two "daughters" and a hubby (long story there - one daughter is real, the other a friend).  Financial stress as husband still is not really working a permanent job (although am grateful for the in between jobs he gets as an independent contractor), and the list could go on and on.  So the years have rolled on, and I am gaining weight.  

I just read some posts on OH about others who are struggling with weight regain.  I think the hardest thing for me is getting in any kind of exercise.  I can probably  handle going back to the true basics with the eating patterns (right now I graze alot, both on healthy and unhealthy stuff, but mostly healthy) but get virtually no exercise at all.  The two go hand in hand - you must eat healthy and keep to the basic rules of WLS, and you truly must exercise to continue to be successful.

My lowest weight was 185 or 190'ish....right now I weigh around 220. That is approximately 30+ pounds.  While I started at well over 300, it still scares me a great deal as I know that if I do not change my habits, I am heading down a slow path of self destruction. My clothes don't fit as well, and the clothes don't lie (neither does the scale, for that matter).

Ultimately only I can change my own destructive patterns.  I do wish I could see an eating disorder therapist, but that is out of the question way up here in the mountains, and financially completely out of the question.  And I wonder if it would really help me because, really, I KNOW what to do -- I just need to do it.  Easier said than done.

I guess a counselor could help me figure out why I become self destructive when under stress - seems like I, myself, would be the LAST PERSON that I would want to harm when stressed, but it turns out I AM THE FIRST to be destructive to myself, letting other people and circumstances completely "off the hook" so to speak.

I never thought I would be "one of those people...." -- you know...the ones who do not have the self discipline to keep to the rules and not gain back the weight.  Hello...wake up call, silly girl!  Guess what?  I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!!!!  And while I know that I am definitely  not alone, I find it difficult to make a commitment to "connect" with others online for support.  Not that I don't want to. It becomes more an issue of "do I have the time to spare" with other commitments pulling at me much of the time.

Well, hopefully, "as the years CONTINUE to turn..." I can get my "umpf" back and get back at doing what needs to be done to correct my stinking thinking and get these extra pounds off.  Here's to success!

It has been a LONG time since I have posted anything here - shame on me!  Guess I am not much of a blogger....don't like to write much.

I am now over 9 months post op with a weight loss of around 105 pounds since surgery date.  I am wearing a size 14/16 shirt/pants -- first time in over 25 years -- it never ceases to amaze me.  However, at this point, the dreaded plateaus have hit big time and the wonderful honeymoon period must be officially over with.  I still want to lose 40 more pounds - that is the bad news -- the good news is that I only need to lose another 10 pounds or so to be no longer considered obese by the medical world!!!! 

So I keep moving on.....as Dori said on "Finding Nemo".....just keep swimming, just keep swimming.....that is how I feel right now.  Carbs get me down -- they make me hungry (even the good whole wheat type of carbs) -- and I find I struggle with the "grazing" that hits everyone at one time or another.  But in spite of all that I am not gaining weight, but not really am losing either.  Time for me to get back into some kind of exercise regime (which I was so good about in the early days of the post op experience). 

I want to run a 5K race some day, so I need to start working on that.  I have exercise equipment -- just got to get into some kind of routine -- make myself get up early.  Hard to do right now, especially with the colder weather.  No excuse though -- I mean, come on, I live in California, for pete's sake!  Weather here is a piece of cake compared to most parts of the country this time of year!  Definitely not a good excuse. 

Had alot of stress in my life this year -- lost my job a year ago October, and my husband just lost his job after working for the company for 25 years, in November.  We are short selling our home, and have thousands in credit card debt and a daughter who is a first year senior (she just transferred) at a private $37000 a year school.  So if I have continued to lose consistently and am plateaued now but not gaining, I figure that is pretty darn good considering the stress factor.

So all in all I feel wonderful and am thankful for the love and support of my friends and family through ALL of these life changes, both physical and mental.

Yes - I said the word "bliss" -- I guess that is a word most people don't use in every day life - maybe I've been reading too many Christian romance novels.....

I find I look at myself in the mirror and hardly recognize myself.  I am "throwing away" (giving, actually) my larger (sometimes barely worn) clothing every week.  Incredible!  I sure hate getting rid of good clothing that I really enjoyed wearing, or in some cases didn't have the opportunity to enjoy wearing more than once or twice!  Did I know this would happen?  Sure I did - I did my homework - I read the forums - I knew I'd blink and one day clean out half of my closet -- yeah, I KNEW all of that, but now that it is actually happening - it is like "PINCH ME! I MUST BE DREAMING!"  But no, it isn't a dream - it is true! 

Yesterday I walked another 5K walk/run in Sacramento, and this morning found I'd lost 1.5 pounds since the day before.  I've been super busy and so have not had as much time for exercise since my water aerobics class ended the middle of July -- needless to say, I've had a few plateaus since then, so it was great to see that "250" on the scale this morning.

Difficulties?  Sure I have them....mainly trying to keep myself away of the emotional side of stress eating and head hunger verses true stomach hunger.  I never realized until now how much I truly did depend on food to sooth the aftermath of stress and difficulties in my life -- I mean, I knew I ate to subdue stress, but didn't realize until now just how OFTEN and how BADLY I abused my body by my love affair with food.  Whoa - wake up time!  Really a BIG realization for me.  Do I still struggle with this?  Sure I do -- bought some sugar free cookies last week and ate them way too fast due to stress!  Needless to say, I won't be buying sugar free cookies any longer!  Just too tempting!  But it is a perfect example of how food has been used to numb pain in my life for so many, many years.   Fortunately the scale has not gone up for me since surgery - only down - albeit there have been a few plateaus along the journey.

Head hunger verses stomach hunger - what can I say?  That will probably be a life long battle -- especially in relationship to emotional eating.  How do I overcome?  Support from friends and family, reading positive materials, and continuing to keep updated on current trends in WLS, reading the forums, learning...learning...learning.....reading books I enjoy, exercising more -- these are just a few things I've done that have helped me. 

So, I'm four and a half months into this new life experience, and the water feels great!   Being thin and healthier is true bliss!

Joy?  You've got to be kidding!  Foaming....every bariatric patient's worst nightmare!  I am not sure which would be worse -- foamies (throwing up after eating) or dumping (the other end - you know what I mean!)

I had several "wonderful" experiences with foamies while on vacation, traveling back to Indiana to bring my daughter home from college.  Yup - I drove the whole way!  And being a post-op bariatric patient can be quite challenging in the eating arena when traveling - I mean, how many ways can you eat an omlette or chicken or steak in a restaurant? 

So my big "first" experience with foamies was in a clothing store - I had to ask the sales clerk to give me paper towels to clean up the mess in the dressing room - kind of embarassing, but at least only my daughter and myself had to look at it!  Ugh! 

Several other smaller experiences followed in the days to come.  At first I wasn't sure whether they came because I ate something with sugar in it, or if it was the amount I was eating.  I have since concluded that, while it may have been a combination of both, that mostly it was because I ate more than my poor little pouch could handle.  When it is too full, there is only place for the excess to go, and that is back up, unfortunately.

When I got back home after vacation, I thought "well, I won't ever do that again....now I'm home and can eat NORMAL...."   Wrong!  Took my daughter to Sonic, and I thought a cheesburger without the bun would be fine - wrong, wrong, wrong!  I threw up for two and a half hours - - normally it comes right back up and it is over with, but not this time - - wow!  Well, needless to say I think I have finally learned my lesson - - no more Sonic for me, to say the least!  Although I did throw up again just the other day, but it was over with quickly, and it was because I ate too fast and too much (again!  you'd think I'd learned my lesson by now!)

So, I'm sorry "Mr. Foamie" that it is not a pleasure to make your acquaintance - I do not prefer to meet you at any time in the future, thank you very much, and your presence in the past has been unwelcome, to say the least!  Farewell!

1)  Being able to fit easily into an airline seat (or any tight seat for that matter!)
2)  Not having to shop in the Plus sized stores any more.
3)  Not being intimidated by my large size (soon to be much smaller).
4)  Looking people proudly in the eye instead of looking on the ground.
5)  Running a 5K Run some day.
6)  Developing a small career in opera that isn't hindered by my size.
7)  Getting rid of all my "fat" clothes!
8)  GETTING TO RIDE THE FUN RIDES AT AMUSEMENT PARKS!!!!  Woo Hoo!!!!
9)  Making new friends.
10) Having a better love-life with my sweet husband (hope that isn't TMI for some of you!)
11)  Being able to wear shorts or maybe even a two piece swimsuit (I can dream, can't I?)

MORE TO COME, I am sure!

Well, my husband and I went on my first 5K Walk/Run (I walked, of course - being only two and a half weeks post op!) last Saturday and we had so much fun together!  I have never done anythng like this before -- took us just over an hour to complete the 5K (which is 3.2 miles).  I cannot wait until the next one I can find to enter!  Not only was it wonderful exercise for me, but it was a great time of fun for my hubby and I have to have together.  My hubby is an engineer and works on his computer alot at home, so sometimes it is hard to drag him out on excursions with me -- don't get me wrong - he is wonderful around the house with yardwork, helping with dishes, etc.  Just hard to get him to the movies, shopping, out for a drive, or out for a 5k Walk!

Let me tell you folks who hate exercise -- this is a great way to get in shape when you have the opportunity, and if you significant other or family member will join you, iti s a great time of bonding and just having fun together, and it is a good thing to help them feel a part of your weight loss adventure.

The next day, I drove my friend Kattie and I to Half Moon Bay, CA - where there is a beautiful, long beach with a paved walking path.  Kattie is in a wheelchair, and believe it or not, I pushed her wheelchair 4.8 miles that afternoon!  And we had a wonderful time together (yeah, I am sore today, believe me!)

I am so loving this new lifestyle and way of thinking and eating.  Tomorrow is my post op nutrition class, and it will be three weeks ago tomorrow that I had my surgery.  One more week and I will be back to the doctor's office to be weighed.  I am very curious to know how much I have lost.  Iknow my pant size has gone down from 26 to 24 comfortably (not tight) already - some of my shirts are too big - and all my dress jackets fit me again! 

So, I am a happy, content person.  It doesn't get any better than this (except when you reach goal, that is!)

So today marks the end of week two post op and I made it through the dreaded pre-op diet (lost 17 pounds in six weeks), the liquid week, and the pureed weed.  Now I am eating solid foods starting today and boy, is it nice!  But it is kind of scarey too - will I make the right choices?  Will I chew the food up well enough to keep from nausea and/or dumping?  I am finding, more and more each day, it is alot about being totally aware of what you are doing when you have food or drink in front of you -- chewing, not drinking too fast (which I did the other day mindlessly and had a very small case of foamies), keeping an approximate track of how much protein you are taking in by measuring your food if possible, etc.  It all works if you keep the rules and pay attention to what you are doing.

Tonight I went to my first live, in person support group.  Really a great group of people - had a good time!  Afterwards my friend Kattie and I were hungry (she is 10 months post op) so we went to Chevys.  Preop I would have pigged out on corn Tomalito and fresh made tortillas and chips.  But tonight I stuck to the plan and ordered shrimp fajitas - ate maybe two bites of the corn tomalito and didn't get sick (yeah!) and enjoyed the shrimp and a couple bites of the grilled stuff that goes with the fajitas.  No rice, no beans, no tortillas, no chips - GOOD MELLIE!!!!!  I ate about six shrimp with a little guacamole and/or sour creme added to each bite (or I occasionally dipped them into the butter) and was totally satisfied.  Took the rest of the food home to my husband, who was more than happy to help with cleaning everything up!

So my first eating out experience post op was a total success.  I am pleased, and I am proud of myself.  I truly believe that this surgery has and will continue to change my eating habits forever and that I will be totally successful, clear through the honeymoon and on through the anniversaries and celebrations! 

I am so grateful for the support I have from my husband, daughter, and friends - not to mention all the people I've "met" in support group and on the forums at OH.

Today I walked to our local drug store to mail a package to my daughter -- the box was large, so I put it in one of those rolling carts that New Yorkers use to get their groceries (it folds up) - or you see old ladies pushing them.  I also went to the grocery store on the same mall strip and filled my cart, then walked home.  First big "exercise" outing for me since surgery - I was proud of myself...exhausted when I got home,  but none the worse for the wear.  I felt like an old lady, though, pushing that cart along in my baggy sweat pants and t shirt (haven't got the courage yet to try putting my jeans back on - maybe tomorrow?)

After I had rested a while in my nice cool livingroom (it was over 80 degrees while I was walking) I felt pretty darn good!  So I need to get out and start walking longer distances, more and more, until the doctor okays regular exercise and strength building.

Tomorrow I go back for my one week checkup.  I know I've lost some weight, but no idea how much.  I hope I'm not disappointed - it is kind of scarey!

Then the next day I start Stage Two of my nutrition plan - namely soft and pureed foods for one week.  Wow -- I cannot wait to eat REAL food even if it is soft or pureed.  Picked up some more eggs so I can make custard tomorrow, got some yogurt and cottage cheese and some sugar free puddings, and some cauliflower - yeah, you read that right - cauliflower -- I heard if you cook it and mash it and add a little cheese and "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" that it tastes awesome!   

I have FELT so hungry today -- but not physically - just in my mind - because I've seen food all around me (grocery store - duhh - hello!)  But I know I have to learn that even when I can eat most foods, to be able to say no to those that will make me sick or make me fat again -- no better time than now to start disciplining myself to say "no" to those "head urges" or "emotional urges" when they come -- and I know they will.

So, day six post op under wraps - gone - done!  Here's to a new me!

Well, here I am, at home, after having my surgery four days ago.  It is kind of a weird feeling.  Haven't really had any bad pain to speak of - mostly just gas pain, which I am taking gas-x for -- little bit of tenderness, so I take what the doctor prescribed for pain just in case -- I don't want to be a HERO here!   Gonna use that pain med when I need it!  LOL!

The whole experience for me was a very positive one.  Tuesday morning I took my shower, got my things together, and then went to the hospital.  Didn't have to wait long before they took me into the preop area where I waited to have the IV put in and to be taken to surgery. All of the nurses at Memorial were so nice!  When they took me into the operating room, there was music playing!  I commented on the music, and the nurse asked if I'd like to hear something in particular.  I said "I like opera" so they put opera on.  When the anesthesiologist came in, he said "ok, quick quiz here -- who is the singer of this song, what is the title, and who is the composer?"  I had the oxygen mask on, but I raised my hand and answered two of the three questions - that is the last thing I remember before I went out.  Kind of a funny thing to remember, I guess.  The next thing I remember is being freezing cold in the recovery room, but the nurses put warm blankets on me quickly, and so I was fine.  Then they moved me to my room.  Later that evening I got up and walked a bit - I wanted to start doing that as soon as possible.  My husband and the nurse helped me.  The rest of my stay at the hospital was great - I slept alot - a couple friends came to see me - I was very well cared for.  It was nice to go home though.  No place like home!  My sweet husband had bone and bought some bricks to put under the soft chair in the livingroom so I could get up and down easily from the chair (it is kind of low to the ground normally) -- I bundled up in my warm fuzzy blankets, watched some TV, and dozed alot.  Put a fire in the fireplace that evening and lighted some candles - oh, how nice home is! 

Today (Saturday) I finally took a shower -- I feel so much better after taking a shower!  I was afraid to take one sooner - but today I just had to do it, and I'm glad I did!  I am a little light headed today, but I feel pretty darn good overall.  I'm going shopping today (hubby is taking me because I cannot drive for a week).  I am doing daily walking around the house, and getting in all the fluids I am supposed to get.

You know, one thing that is funny about this is that my desire for food has not gone away -- I "think" I am hungry -- I had thought that after surgery you would tend to forget to eat -- right now, food sounds really good!  However, I know that I cannot have regular food for a few weeks yet and I am okay with that.  Thus the retraining of my mind begins -- when I "think" I am hungry and yet my body is not telling me "eat" (which it isn't telling me to eat at all).  So I guess this is my first step in retraining my mind to not eat just because something looks good or smells good if I am truly not hungry (which I am not).

I am really looking forward to week two when I get pureed foods and week three when the solid foods begin -- I want to do everything right - "by the book" - bring it on, baby!