Meleani W.
As the Years Turn....
Apr 23, 2013
Remember that old soap opera, "As the World Turns" ? (I don't know, it may still be on?) I titled this blog entry "as the years turn" because that is what it has been now - four years and one month since my surgery. Progress report? Not too good, not too bad. Gained 15 pounds in the last year due to stress of a new job (and subsequently no exercise as I am exhausted when I get home from work), living in a small home with two "daughters" and a hubby (long story there - one daughter is real, the other a friend). Financial stress as husband still is not really working a permanent job (although am grateful for the in between jobs he gets as an independent contractor), and the list could go on and on. So the years have rolled on, and I am gaining weight.
I just read some posts on OH about others who are struggling with weight regain. I think the hardest thing for me is getting in any kind of exercise. I can probably handle going back to the true basics with the eating patterns (right now I graze alot, both on healthy and unhealthy stuff, but mostly healthy) but get virtually no exercise at all. The two go hand in hand - you must eat healthy and keep to the basic rules of WLS, and you truly must exercise to continue to be successful.
My lowest weight was 185 or 190'ish....right now I weigh around 220. That is approximately 30+ pounds. While I started at well over 300, it still scares me a great deal as I know that if I do not change my habits, I am heading down a slow path of self destruction. My clothes don't fit as well, and the clothes don't lie (neither does the scale, for that matter).
Ultimately only I can change my own destructive patterns. I do wish I could see an eating disorder therapist, but that is out of the question way up here in the mountains, and financially completely out of the question. And I wonder if it would really help me because, really, I KNOW what to do -- I just need to do it. Easier said than done.
I guess a counselor could help me figure out why I become self destructive when under stress - seems like I, myself, would be the LAST PERSON that I would want to harm when stressed, but it turns out I AM THE FIRST to be destructive to myself, letting other people and circumstances completely "off the hook" so to speak.
I never thought I would be "one of those people...." -- you know...the ones who do not have the self discipline to keep to the rules and not gain back the weight. Hello...wake up call, silly girl! Guess what? I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!!!! And while I know that I am definitely not alone, I find it difficult to make a commitment to "connect" with others online for support. Not that I don't want to. It becomes more an issue of "do I have the time to spare" with other commitments pulling at me much of the time.
Well, hopefully, "as the years CONTINUE to turn..." I can get my "umpf" back and get back at doing what needs to be done to correct my stinking thinking and get these extra pounds off. Here's to success!
