meleauxdy

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I am two days out of surgery and feeling a little beat up but I am home.  My cats missed me a lot but I haven't been able to bear the thought of them being in bed with me.  I'm so afraid one is going to plop down on my belly.  I can't seem to relax unless they are out of the room.

I was so scared before surgery.  Honestly, TERRIFIED.  I'm glad I made it through.  I am sipping my drinks (flavored water) and walking around.  My back is killing me and my husband has been an angel throughout the whole process, doing anything he can to help me.  

Overall, I feel ok.  I am very emotional but I guess part of that has to do with coming down off of such a huge adreneline/fear rush before surgery.  I am poked and bruised but no worse for wear.  I can't wait for the gas pains to go away so that I can feel normal.  I'm glad I don't go back to work for a week.

I'm glad I had the surgery.  I'm praying a lot and hoping that the water goes down easier.  I did have some broth and popscicles and those seemed to help.  I also got some beautiful flowers from my company and my friends.  Beautiful.  I am enjoying these a home quite  alot.  They're magnificent.  Can't wait to feel normal again (whatever normal means).

Day 3 of the liquid diet.  It sucks!  Wishing I could eat something with more substance.  I never feel full.  I am thinking about making a protein shake for later and maybe putting some greek yogurt in it to cut the sweetness...or some cocoa powder.  

I've been pretty anxious about the surgery.  It is 5 days away!  I can't believe how fast the time flies.  Of course, I am having second thoughts borne out of nervousness but deep down, I know this is the right decisions.  Perhaps for the first time, I can get a grip on my weight and become a normal sized woman.

So, for now, just hanging in there drinking and peeing  alot!

Well, I have finally scheduled my surgery for October 22nd.  Making the decision to have weightloss surgery has been difficult for me, but after researching options and surgeries, I am committed that it has been the right one.  One thing about me in life is that I have always been an open book - telling people my deepest secrets if prompted.  I've never felt the need to hide anything about myself.  However, I have chosen to tell only 4 people about my surgery.  Two coworkers whom I trust, my BFF, and my husband.  My family doesn't know nor do my other coworkers and boss.  I feel that I need to protect myself and this journey - as though it is something sacred.  I guess for years I've been judged for my weight and weight gain - I don't want to be judged for the weight loss.  I don't know.  Maybe it just makes me feel vulnerable - as though the choice to have WLS is not as valid as "doing it on your own".  In the end, I just decided that it was no one's business but mine.

I'm anxious about the surgery and lifestyle afterwards.  Tomorrow, I go to have bloodwork done in order to get approval from my PCP that I am fit for surgery.  In this case, my endocrinologist will be the one clearing me for surgery.  I hate bloodwork.

This morning, I laid in bed thinking about how I was going to physically feel after the surgery and whether or not I would be in severe pain.  I don't think I will be but I guess you never know.  I touched my stomach above my belly button where I know the scar will be and wondered whether or not I would be able to get pregnant more easily after losing the weight.

My husband is being extremely supportive.  I've been eating whatever I want these last few days before beginning my liquid diet (per my surgeon's instructions).  Usually, I at least make some attempt to watch what I eat but lately I've just enjoyed food.  I'm certain I've gained more weight.

My surgeon is quite young - so much so that I was a little surprised.  He's very charismatic though and I could tell by the sparkle in his eyes that he's probably quite a comedian.  He took all of my questions in stride, which I imagine would have made other surgeon's roll their eyes.  I even went as far as to ask him why he decided to choose that particular field of medicine.  Clearly, his answer sufficed because I am allowing him to hack me open.  I can't imagine not going in with a list of questions before allowing someone to slice you open and remove your innards.  

All anxiety aside, I am looking forward to this journey. Perhaps October 22, 2010 will come to be celebrated as my rebirth date.