mommyx4
Well, where to begin? I was never a stick thin child. I was always really athletic and a little chunky, but definitely not fat. My mother was a beanpole and so were most of her friends and her friends kids. I think it bothered her that I wasn't a skinny kid. I am sure she never meant anything by it, but she told me whenever she got the chance that I was overweight, and chunky. I'll never forget the time she told me if I didn't start watching what I ate, I'd never have a boyfriend....well, because "Boys don't like fat girls". Once, in front of the family at a family cook out, after getting a brownie, she announced to the entire family that she was putting me on a diet until I lost 25 pounds because I was obese. OBESE? ME? This made me a pretty awkward kid. I wasn't comfortable in my own body and always felt like people were staring at me and my fatness. I have looked at pictures of me growing up, I don't think I was fat. Last Summer, I found my physical fitness papers from 7th grade (when my mom declared me obese). I was 5'2" tall and weighed 115 pounds. Not horrible, by any stretch of the word, as far as I'm concerned. I think it was probably around that time that many of my issues developed. I became scared to eat in front of my mom, because I couldn't stand the criticism. By my sophomore year in high school, I was 102 pounds and only ate a few small bites at meals. Looking back, I know she wasn't trying to be a horrible person, but my mom just didn't know what she was doing to me. At 110 pounds my junior year, I viewed myself as fat. I graduated high school and moved into my own place. I was on a diet immediately upon moving into my own place because I "let myself" get to 118 pounds. I wish I understood then, what I understand now. I only lived on my own for 6 months when I found out I was pregnant with my son. He's almost 15 now. I didn't gain a ton of weight during the pregnancy, and was within 10 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight 5 days after giving birth.
Over the next few years, I was ALWAYS on a diet. I got married and had my second child. I think that's when I got out of control. I just ate anything and everything. I put on 80 pounds. It was hard to lose. When she was almost one, I heard about adipex, and got a doctor to prescribe it. I lost a lot of weight within 4 months. When I went off the pills, the weight came back with a vengeance. Thus started the cycle...the yo'yo'ing. I did everything from phen-fen to starving myself, to 1,000 calorie per day diets with lots of exercise. Every time, the weight would come off, then come back with some more. In March of 2003, I started opti-fast. I was shocked when I found out at my inital visit, that I weighed 247 pounds! ME! In 2 months on opti fast, I lost 27 pounds. It was so expensive, so I decided to try it on my own, with calorie restrictions and exercise. I did a good job and stayed very disciplined, in September of that year, I was down to 190 pounds. Then, I found out I was pregnant. A series of complications prohibited me from continuing an exercise regimen and I got fat...again. All hope was not lost, after she was born, I was back down to 207 pounds within a few weeks. I tried a lot of things and eventually lost interest. She was born in May 2004. I spent the rest of that year, gaining weight and feeling miserable. In January 2005, I found myself weighing 232 pounds. I began researching WLS. I went to my PCP, who told me that my insurance would not cover it. I researched it a lot and was certain that I wanted to have gastric bypass. I hit a dead end when I found out my insurance didn't cover it. So I decided to try to start again with calorie counting and exercising. I did well and was down to 185 pounds by October of 2005. It was then I decided to have a tummy tuck. I thought having a new abdomen to look at would be all of the motivation I needed. That tummy tuck did not stop me from being hungry. Here I am...July of 2007 and I weigh 215 pounds. I just got back from a cruise, where I was a miserable mess. I hated being on that boat. I refused to get into a bathing suit to go down to the pool with my kids. I noticed every skinny girl on the boat and hated my weight more by the end of the cruise than I did at the beginning. I refuse to allow my picture to be taken and if I walk past a mirror, I refuse to look in it. I have a gorgeous husband and I look at him sometimes, wondering what he sees in me.
I've been seeing the lap band commercials for probably a year...you know, the one with the lady who has the lion representing her hunger. I went to the website and thought maybe this would be for me. I was shocked that the price is so high, in addition, all the stuff I had to go thru. I know I'm fat, I know I want to lose weight, I don't think I need a psychiatric evaluation and seminars to help me. Through my research I found the beliteweight.com website. She hooked me up with Dr. Webber in Detroit. I filled out their medical questionaire and was scheduled for surgery in less than 2 weeks. I am paying $11,700 out of pocket. Most other doctors were running $15,000 or more. I will be having the surgery on July 26, 2007.
