MsVThin

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My body feels good when I exercise, I need to exercise more.  So over this weekend, I'm taking my little girl and my friend to Sea World (which will definitely be a long walking activity day). Once I'm back, I'm hitting the gym to shed the rest of this unwanted weight!  I have been struggling with this for a long time and I know it will always be like this.  The surgery has done its job but I need to step up to the plate (not the food plate!)

Today, I went to my primary, first time in a very long time.  She looked at me and said, "you do not look like you are over 200 lbs,"  "From the waist up you weight distribution is of a normal weight person, you carry all you weight in your lower body"  She did say that I was doing a great job, although I feel sometimes I should have done better.  The last couple years have been filled with stress and lots of changes, besides my surgery.  Sometimes I feel, that perhaps I lost the window of opportunity to lose the maximum amount of weight after my surgery.  I keep reminding myself, its a tool and its still effectively in place.  I started out over 300 lbs, I have lost over a hundred pounds, more slowly than I would have liked.  BUT I still lost it, so I am a winner.

I'm having a hard time to lose more.  I've lost a lot already, but I still feel fat.  I'm having a bad day, I'm tired and frustrated. 

Well, I'm currently apx 17 mo post op.  I have a tremendous amount of energy, prior to surgery any small chore would leave me exhausted.  I still havent reached my ultimate goal and that bothers me sometimes.  I thought be now, I would be there.  But I have lost 120+lbs.  I would have never done this on my own, it would have been nearly impossible.  This surgery gave me my life back.  I feel better, I play with my daughter more, I dress better.  Overall, I feel amazing!  I have a boyfriend :)  and yes, I'm proud of myself.  I havenet been on the site for several months, but I need to stay focused.  I tend to stray and go back to my old ways at times, although never completely.  This is not a cure, it just assists!  I still see food and want to eat it.

I'm so excited that this year, unlike many years past...I will reach my resolution goal, thanks to my gastric bypass.  I'm drinking my protein and eating healthy.  I'm quite sick right now with a cold and an ear infection...the pressure is horrible in my ear.  

I'm getting into smaller clothes, yay!  It feels great to get into my old clothes.  I still do not want to shop much, since I will continue to lose more.  I'm now in a size 18, 20's are too loose.  I'm getting compliments everyday, I'm really seeing the difference and it feels great! :)

Its been very hard to actually eat meals lately.  I do not enjoy eating anymore, since everytime I usually feel that uncomfortable feeling that my food doesnt go down.  Oatmeal in the morning is fine, goes down...but many other foods do not.  Eggs are horrible, I cant stand them and oftentimes even 45 min after I eat I feel uncomfortable eating a half an egg.  I avoid eggs all together even though they are a great source of protein.  I am searching for new protein drinks, since I am tired of the same chocolate one I get from costco.   Honestly I havent been good lately, not eating most anything some days.  Its hard to get accustomed to change,  all my life I have told myself not to eat if I'm not hungry...well hello, I'm finally not hungry.  I would rather drink all day than eat...

I took my little girl to Disneyland on Sunday..we had a great time.  Since my surgery, this has been my third trip.  My daughter always wants my to ride on the carosel with her.  I usually try to get up on the horse, lol and fail either due to being weak or just being too heavy (most likely).  I am proud to say that I rode the carosel and my 3 year old daughter was all smiles and giggles :)

Since the weekend, I have been extremely stressed and I find myself wanting to snack...old issues coming back...I'm scared honestly.  There are so many changes happening in my life right now.  My 3 yo is changing daycares, I am contemplating closing my business and making a big move.  My decisions are not based on whim...I'm not the kind of person who makes quick desions..I have to plan and feel its a wise choice..I'm making changes for hopefully a better job and education opportunity for my daughter in the future.  I think about it all the time, will I be able to accomplish what I plan...I am a single mom and economically, times are tough.   It should be interesting what happens in the next few months. 

So, I noticed the other night that I lost a lot of hair in the bathtub.  I clean my hairbrush everyday to see how much hair I lose and it seems to be more and more....yes, I am a little disturbed right now.   I tried a new product (wen) just to try something less harsh on my  hair than regular products.  The Wen cleansing conditioner costed more than I usually spend and its necessary to use 15-20 pumps of the product to get my hair clean.  My hair is moderate to thick, but still I've never had to use so much product to get my hair clean.  I like that my hair is smoother, but I will not buy Wen again.  I will stick to my protein drinks and vitamins, and pray that it stops soon.

Well It's Monday, and I must say I did very well over the holiday weekend.  I ate mostly turkey over the past couple days thanks to bountiful leftovers, lol.  It was super yummy!  Really enjoyed the holiday with my family and friends at my house.  My nieces, nephew and my daughter had a great time playing and screaming...and it was a nice enough day to eat outside on the patio, different for a change.  I'm down 2 lbs since last week...seems like I'm doing it right :)