NYC2009
I grew up with a mother that was critically depressed. Back then they really didn't know much about it, nor did they prescribe anything for her. She used to hide her eating. She would eat when we were in school, when she was cooking in the kitchen (we were never allowed in the kitchen at that time), and when we went to bed. She would yell at us when the Oreo cookies would disappear. We knew we didn't eat them..so who did? She died 3 years ago weighing in at 400lbs...in a terrible nursing home, We couldn't afford anything else. It was so painful to see her like this. I told myself I would never end my life looking and feeling like she did!!
My grandmother would tell me (starting at age 5.).."always watch what you eat..you don't want to be like your mother"! I was 19 y.o. , 5' 8" a size 5 and 119'lbs., and my father said my butt was starting to look like my mother's. I grew up with a terrible body image and a bad relationship with food..period.
I have been on all the fad diets, exercised in fancy gyms and was able to maintain my weight at 180'lbs approx., up till last year. I look back now and say that I wish I weighed that much now!
On September 20, 2008, I decided to go horseback riding with a group that I joined just that month. It was my attempt at getting out, exercising, and meeting new people. The horse ranch had a busy day and was low on horses, so they looked for the largest person in the group (me), and decided to place me on a Clydesdale (which was bred for hauling heavy loads). No kidding!
They are wide, taller than the average horse and can weigh up to 2,000 tons.
That day my horse "Romeo", decided to run in competition with the horse in front of me. He was only a year old and didn't have much experience in the "field"..neither did I. He bucked me off and I suffered a burst fracture of the L1 vertebrae. They said my vertebrae shattered like a china plate in my back.
I have 9 titanium rods, several screws and bolts living permanently in my lower back. If any of you suffer from back pain, you will understand the limitations that I have.
Since then I have gained a tremendous amount of weight. It has caused more complications and has prevented me from recovering properly. I am hoping that I will be able to get the Lap Band to take the excess weight off so I can exercise (within limits) and recover properly.
So here I am...221 lbs. and climbing..waiting for my 2nd consult and getting prepared to submit my paperwork to my insurance. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
