rennyguerra
Secret goals of a heavy girl
Apr 14, 2009
OK I was thinking about the goals part of this website...I have all those, I want to lose weight, want to look good in a bathing suit goals that everyone has but my actual goals are somewhat differentKevin James... "I don't want to lose a ton of weight. I just want to lose enough weight so my stomach doesn't jiggle when I brush my teeth."
"Hey, you're a fat ass too! Cool I'm not the only one!"
Every time I walk into a room full of people. I want to stop looking for a fatter person then me. This is something all of my friends and I do. We walk into a bar and the minute we spot another fatty immediately someone says. "We cool, not the fattest one here." Like just because there is a heavier person in the room in some how invalidates what porkers we are. I have done this my whole life. Even before my friends and I started at the bar scene. I always walked into a classroom, a meeting, a camp outing, anything. I always look around for someone heavier then me. Somehow it makes me feel better.
To quote Whitney (pre-crack addiction) " I wanna dance! [with somebody]"
I want to feel like my boyfriend is proud to have me. All of his friends have these amazingly beautiful girlfriends. Thin, sweet, gorgeous. Triple Threats. If they weren't genuinely nice people, I would hate them all. My boyfriend has no fault in this. Doesn't directly make me feel fat or gross. But he's kinda quiet, not big on the sharing of his feelings kinda guy. Sometimes I don't know what he thinks when it comes to my shape. We all go out to the club and all the gf's are bopping around like music video dancers and then there's me...doing the fat girl shuffle trying to fit in. (The "fat girl shuffle" is similar to the "mom at a wedding" dance, but we try to add a Lil hip movement to seem sexy). I want to be able to dance. With out being in pain and huffing and puffing after 10 minutes. And look damn good while doing it! The whole situation is quite frustrating. And then no one understands why I'm so self conscious while I'm there. Ugh he needs a friend with a fat girlfriend so I can apply the rule above.
"Even with all the mayo in the world, you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit"
Excuse my French but...I want to wear sexy, fashionable, non-plus size clothes. Now-a-days it's easier then when I was in high school. There was nothing for me to wear when I was in high school. Now its slightly easier because I have lost weight from the surgery. But now I teeter totter between plus size and regular clothes. Stores like torrid, lane Bryant and dots have produced clothing lines that are fashionable for younger people. It still can be hit or miss. I want to wear sexy clothes. Like, show a little skin, feel like a hottie, sexy. I HATE it when fat girls squeeze there butts into tight clothing thinking they are all sexy. What is that? I know I have deli ham arms. That's why I don't let them things hang out at the club. I don't get it. You are suppose to dress for the job you want, not the body you want! You dress the body you have. If those jeans are going to give you a muffin top, BUY BIGGER JEANS. Id rather go a size up then have my ass looking ridiculous spilling out of a pair of jeans. Short skirts, skin tight clothes, tank tops, etc these things are not for us porkers! I don't even know why these company's make clothes like that in our size. Its not flattering. If you have a crappy body, terrible 'chicken shit' clothes aren't going to help you!
OK, that rant is over.
I want to be able to jog on the treadmill at the gym. I always feel like my flab is bouncing around all over the place. Its embarrassing.
I want to feel worth it.
This blog...I'm gonna use as a food diary, a general diary, and basically a psychologist, because I'm not paying to sit in a room with a stranger for them to just keep asking me "how do you feel about that?" So I'm just gonna tell you how I feel about it. Deal?
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About Me
North Massapequa, NY
Location
32.0
BMI
Surgery
07/31/2006
Surgery Date
Apr 20, 2005
Member Since
