2 weeks out...

Feb 16, 2010

Today, it's been 2 weeks since my surgery... The first week has been very good, eating and drinking was going better everyday. But I was taking HBP madications with a diuretic in it and didn't think about it. But then, my blood pressure dropped and I've begun to dehydated. So I stopped that, feeling a little bid better, but now I have major issues with heartburn, nausea and diarrhea. If I eat 2 babyspoonful of pudding, I am in pain, burping, cramping, and go to the bathroom immediately.  I called the nurse and she think I may hace C. Difficile.When I was in the hospital in was in a six-patients room, and in the bed next to me was a woman with that. They didn't have a room to isolated her, and I heard doctors and nurses saying it was innacdeptable to let her in a six patient room... She was having her BM in a chair near my bed... They did get her out of there during the night, and desinfected all her bed with javex... But too much too late I think... Anyway, I went for some blood tests and stool test this morning. So waiting for the results.

Yesterday, I was very sad, crying all day... It is so difficult because I am alone here at home in this journey ( but lucky I have my good OH Quebec friends!), and I am not feeling so well. I cannot see the day when I will be able to eat something I like, even in small quantity. I feel isolated because I cannot participate in the family life, accepting invitaton to supper with friend, going to restaurant... Everybody tells me that someday I will be able to, it is hard to believe. I am feeling now the " buyers remorse" wondering why I did this, was I really ready, did I want to lose weight THAT MUCH...I am grieving my stomach gone forever, my
love of food, the lost of my old friend...

It is not easy because everyone else is living the life I had, so when I look at them, I see my old life, see what I am missing... And I don't have any rewards for now, or anything to prove me that this new life will be better. I have to have faith in this without any waranties...  and I am not an easy believer... I have lost 11 pounds the first week, but only  4 in the second... I am much of a perfectionnist, needing everything to be like in textbooks... that all-or-nothing kind of person. So, I have to learn to accept what is, and take babysteps in this new life...

So we'll see how I will feel next week...

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