Rough time

Dec 02, 2011

Once again, the holidays slipped up on me and I dipped into a deep depression.  About a week ago, I started having a lot of trouble sleeping.  I either had trouble going to sleep and/or was restless all night.  After about 3 days of this, I started to wonder....what the hell is going on?  So I did some soul searching and remembered that this is the anniversary of 2 huge traumas both related to my dad.  From what I've been able to piece together from sketchy memories, when I was pre-school age and he molested me when my mother went Christmas shopping and my sister was in school.  And then he died on December 21 twenty-six years ago.  When I talked to Dr. Pat, she suggested I even mark it on the calendar for next year to remind me of these anniversaries so I can be better prepared.  I think this is a good idea because even though I figured things out a few years ago, it sneaks up on me every single year, kicking my feet out from underneath me.  The benefit of knowing ahead of time is so I can mentally prepare myself, know that I can pull myself out of it by being aware of it, and mainly to take myself out of being a victim.  

Because continuing to be a victim destroys me and I want to really live my life.  For me.

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