post-Christmas

Dec 26, 2011

I made it through.  I knew I would this year because I was able to catch some triggers earlier on, I allowed myself to truly enjoy it.  I'm really working on making myself slow down when I eat and chew very well waiting between bites before.  I've gotten back into my old habit of wofling down my food.  It's really interesting to look at my feelings when I eat.  I seem to be embarassed or feel self-conscious when I eat, even when we are at home.  I think I must disocciate while I eat.  Some of this is from my early childhood, I think.  My granddaddy used to mock me (all of us, really) when I'd eat by making gross smacking movements with his mouth and smirking afterwards.  I suppose he thought it was funny....i just felt humiliated.  And my sister used to yell at me all the time about making noise when I ate.  She even yelled at me once when I made noise while eating potato chips.  I think I remember that one because my mother finally called her off.  When I went to my junior high banquet, I remember feeling so sick to my stomach because I was so afraid I would do something wrong or spill something or make too much noise.  Hmmmm.  It's good to remember these things so I can start to move on. 

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