shellykayd

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 Wow, this surgery has been WAY harder than I ever imagined.  They weighed me right before surgery and I was at 269.  I remember waking up and being in a lot more pain than any other surgery I've had (although gallbladder was close, especially since with that one I vomited for 2 hours!).  They tried various pain meds until they found something that helped a bit.  I don't remember a lot, was kind of in and out the first day.  Thankfully no vomiting, just lots of pain.  The next day they took me down for a swallow test.  That was awful.  That stuff is so nasty to drink and having to stand there still and hold my breath...uggg.  But I survived and didn't throw up!

I was on oxygen and continued to be on it until Wednesday mid-day.  They had to adjust the pain meds a bit too, morphine didn't help at all and a lot of pain meds make me sick.  I can't remember what I ended up on, but it was ok.  Lots of headaches though.  Got to have jello and broth after the swallow study.....I chewed the jello even.  Didn't really want to eat, but forced myself to take in some.

I was suppose to go home Wednesday morning, but since I was still having trouble breathing and getting around, the doctor kept me another day and had PT come up to work with me on walking around and I kept on using that annoying breathing exercise thing.  Couldn't get the stupid thing to work right, but used it....  

Thursday I was discharged around 2pm or so.  Stopped at the pharmacy on the way back to my parents house for the liquid pain med and nausea med.  Of course they were not finished, then had trouble with my insurance....I was waiting in the car, so couldn't even help with the insurance mix up.

Anyway, it's now Saturday and I'm getting around so-so.  Still really sore, but having the most trouble with headaches and a sore stiff neck.  Can't sleep very well because I just don't sleep well on my back.  Uggg..  Going to try back on my bipap tonight  and maybe that will help.....I doubt it since I never really have been able to tell a difference, but you never know I guess.  Still worried about the amount of pressure into my new stomach, but hopefully I'm  healed up enough now not to cause any issue.  The doctor said to wait 4 or 5 days.  Normally they don't even stop people on cpap or bipap, but I often got so much air in my stomach during the night that I would wake up in a lot of pain.

Not liking this JP drain much, but hopefully the doctor will remove it on Wednesday.  I had a scare Thursday night with it!  Woke up early in the morning Friday and there was blood all over my nightgown and the bed.  I thought that I had pulled it out or something!  Went in to see the surgeon that afternoon so he could check and said it was ok, just keep an eye on it.  So that's what I'm doing.  Quite a bit of drainage around it, but not enough to soak through the dressing.

Getting in all the fluid and protein is hard, but I'm working at it.

I'm so scared!!!  My surgery is on Monday, but I'm already a stressed out mess.  My older son and I came up to Great Falls today where I will have my surgery (my parents live here).  I think being away from home and my husband and little one is making things harder.  Not as much to distract myself with.

I'm trying to do some deep breathing and relax, but my whole body is stiff and I keep grinding my teeth!!!  I hate it when I do that.

Anyway, going to get someone to take a picture of me tomorrow so I will be sure to have a "before" shot.  I forgot my tape measure, but I'm sure my Mom has one somewhere, so will have to borrow it.  I have not done any measurements other than weight, but I really want to be able to see that I'm actually losing, even if the scale is not moving as quickly as I would like.

Ok, it's after midnight and I better get to bed.

Tomorrow I start my pre-op diet for my gastric bypass on October 15, 2012.  It's been a long time coming.  I'm scared, excited, worried, curious....so many things.

Hoping this will change my life for the better!

It's been over a year since I saw the surgeon in Great Falls.  I was stupid and didn't find a way to pay for the supervised weightloss that the insurance required.  Now I've lost my chance to have my private insurance cover any of it.

We had awesome insurnace, why did the University have to mess with it?  Arrggg.....why is everything about money?

Anyway, I should qualify for Medicare to pay for my surgery, well 80% of it (after deductible and copays).  I just don't know where the rest of it will come from.  I just know I need to do something.

Went to the doctor yesterday and they weighed me.  I have gained 10 pounds since March!!  What the heck have I been eating???  I didn't think I was doing that bad.  I didn't think I had lost any, but I thought I would be around the same.

My knees are in pain all the time now, my feet hurt, my ankles hurt, my back and neck hurt.  I don't know how I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure yet.  I know the way I'm going, it's just a matter of time.

I wish they did weight loss surgery here, but no....they don't.  The closest hospital is 2 hours away, but they aren't a "Medicare Center of Excellence" so Medicare wouldn't pay for surgery there.  I'll have to go up to Great Falls.  At least my parents live there.

I feel so hopeless right now, like nothing is ever going to get any better.  My depression is worse, probably from the weight and the pain associated with it.  I hate me.  When I see myself in a picture or in a mirror or even a reflection in glass....I hate myself.  I was so thin growing up.  What happened?

Well, I'll call the other doctor in Great Falls tomorrow, maybe they will be more helpful with info about the financial side of things.

FINALLY got in to the nutritionist yesterday.  It went well.  Had trouble remembering what I normally eat, so I now have to keep a food journal.  I eat less when I do, but of course then am hungry and cranky the whole time.  She did say I can have as much in the way of fruit and veggies as I want.....so that is nice.  Will have to get back to Costco for some more raspberries!

Been trying to get into this adult wellness program that sounds like what insurance wants, but they won't pay for it!  And looks like it's $50-$60 for the first few visits.  My only other option is to see if I might have obesity hypoventilation syndrome.  If  I do, then I can get the same services under pulmonary rehab, which would be covered.  Don't know if I have that or not.  I'm out of breath a lot, but I just assumed it was because I'm overweight and that there was nothing that could be done about it other than losing weight.  When I'm sitting at the doctor's office my oxygen level is always really good (99 or 100), so not sure what it is when I'm walking around or doing something.

Anyway, at least I'm getting the nutritionist stuff done.  I go see her again the beginning of June.

Saw Dr. H today.  Very weird to have an appointment on a Saturday, but I'll take what I can get!  We went over the insurance info about what I need to do before they will consider pre-authorizing surgery for me.  He's going to call and see if he can find out what "behavior modification" is all about.  Got a referral for a nutritionist and then a prescription for physical therapy, since I needed a professional to follow me about exercise....  Seems a bit overkill, but whatever it takes I guess!

I wish I could just send in my records that are out there all ready and get them to approve me.  I hate that it's going to be AT LEAST 3 months before I will even have a hint about if they will cover me.  And I really doubt all this stuff is going to be covered by insurance.  Maybe Medicare will pick up some of it.  I hope so.  I'd hate to go into this thing already oweing a ton of money.

Not sure if the 5 minute eval by the social worker in Great Falls will cut it with the insurance company either.  I guess I'll see if I can fax this insurance info to the surgeon's office and see if they can make heads or tails out of it.  Maybe they have dealt with similar wording with other insurance companies.

Bought a bunch of fruit today, so at least I'll have some healthy snacks.  Should have gotten some veggies too, but since it was Saturday the stores were packed and Bryan was with me, and he hates shopping (although he actually asked to go to Walmart....strange....)

So here I am, still at the beginning.  I had hoped to get in for surgery sometime before school starts up again in the fall, but I'm thinking that's not going to work out.  It would be so much easier to be in Great Falls and have the kids up there and not have to worry about them missing school.

Here we go!

The last few days I've been thinking more and more about going the RNY route instead of lap band.  I'm not sure I would lose very well with just restriction.  I won't really know until I'm there and I get one chance at this, so have to make the best decision I can!

I have an appointment with my local internal med doctor to go over what I need to do in order for insurnace to be able to pre-approve me for surgery.  It sounds like a lot of work, but I'm going to HAVE to do it.  I can't stay stuck where I am.  I lose a few pounds here and there and then gain them all back...and often more!

I wish I could skip over the months of trying to lose weight with the doctor and a nutritionist, but if insurance won't pay, I can't have the surgery.  It's as simple as that.  I'm hoping that having that thought hanging over me will help me do my best to follow the rules.  I need to get started now, because I would like to try to have surgery in the summer before the boys go back to school.  The surgery would be in Great Falls where my parents live and they would help with the boys while I was in the hospital and while recovering the first little while before heading back home.  I'm already not looking forward to the drive home.  I remember being in the car for hours a few days after having my gallbladder out and it was NOT fun.  Of course this time I've been through a few more surgeries and know more of what to expect and know that I need to get up and walk around as soon as they will let me!

Taking a deep breath and gearing up for the weekend.  Bryan turns 18 on Sunday and I don't know where the time went.  He's my miracle child, the child who wasn't even suppose to survive past birth....and here he is.....

Wow....

The more I learn the more unsure I am about which surgery would work the best for me!  I'm hoping that my appointment next week with the surgeon will help me at least lean more one way or the other.  I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I'm so undecided!

Obviously I won't be having ANY surgery until I get to a point where I am sure about it.  This is also my only chance, won't be able to do any revisions or change procedures later.  Insurance only pays once.  So I need to be sure.  I was leaning more toward the lap band, but then I started to worry I wouldn't be able to lose the weight I want to lose.  People can, but do I have what it takes?

I'm trying to cut back my eating now, but so far not so good.  Caved and had a toaster pastry, but I didn't completely pig out, so I suppose that's somewhat good.  I need to get motivated to get back on the exercise bike (after I unload all the clothes that are laying on it!).  Today my back and knee hurt quite a bit, so not sure I could have done it, even if I had gotten my behind on the thing, but I need to get back to it.  I wish it didn't hurt so much to walk, it was beautiful today and I would have loved to take a walk.

Tomorrow is another day.  Hopefully I will sleep better tonight.  I was up most of the night wondering about next week when I go to the nutrition group and meet the doctor.  I'm a bit nervous about it....ok,  A LOT nervous about it.  Feeling really shy.

Got a call today from my regular doctor's office.  He said that YES, I DO meet the criteria for "severe musculoskeletal dysfunction" so I have my two "things wrong with me" that insurnace needs.  Now just have to do this 3 months worth of diet/exercise that's monitored by the doctor/dietician and HOPEFULLY insurnace will approve surgery for me.

I called the surgeon's office a soon as I got off the phone with the local doctor and got an appointment for April 6th!!!  I assumed I would have to wait for months to get in!  WOW is all I can say.

Will cost me $250 up front and hopefully they will be able to help me do whatever I need to do for insurance to cover things.  I am suppose to go to a nutrition meeting first and a psych eval and THEN see the surgeon.  I better get my list of questions ready!

We are going up to Great Falls to visit my parents for Easter, so Scott will just drive home on his own on Sunday so he can teach his class on Monday and I will stay with the boys until Wednesday.  Not a big deal for Jackson to miss two days of school, but not sure about Bryan.  He might just have to come home with Scott on Sunday, although he has Monday off school.  I guess we'll see what happens!

I'm excited, but nervous.  I didn't think that this would happen so fast.  Of course I still have a LONG way to go before I can actually have surgery, but I'm finally starting down the path I think is best for me.  Hopefully I will know a lot more about what I'm getting into by this time next week and will be able to come up with more questions to ask those who have been here before me.

Made a call to my regular doctor.  Hopeing his nurse will call me back today and I can find out if I need to see him again, or if I can just drop off my insurance companies requirements and have him go over them them.  Or maybe I am just suppose to call the surgeon I want to see and start there?  Uggg....why is the hardest part NOT the surgery itself (or the life changes afterwards!)??

The more I read, the more I feel I am ready, but at the same time, I worry about what life will be like.  It will be different and I tend to avoid changes when I can, but I don't think I can live in that "safe place" anymore.  I can't chase my son around the park and that is dangerous because he won't always stop when I yell to him.  What if he ran into the street and got hit by a car because I was too heavy to catch him?  Losing my breath while walking from one side of the house to the other has got to stop too.  Overall I'm pretty healthy for being so overweight (not high blood pressure, no diabetes, etc), but it sure is making my life miserable.

I wish I had a list of things I had to do in order to get pre-approved for surgery, but apparently their requirements are very vague.  I wish there was a certain order in which to accomplish things.  Obviously I like order in my life, I'm good at following rules, when I know what the rules are!

I think I'm more freaked out about having to contact doctors and the insurance company more than I am about surgery itself.  I've had surgeries before, as long as I don't wake up vomiting, I'm good.

I hope the nurse calls me back soon.  I hate sitting here wondering if there is something else I am suppose to do.  I am willing to push through my fear of making phone calls and call the surgeon's office, but I don't even know what to say once I get someone on the phone!

Obviously I have more than just my weight interfering with my life.  Will that prevent me from having surgery?  I need to make my list of questions, but I don't even know what questions I should ask.  Really only can think of two.  Can I have surgery at all due to only having one kidney, and how will it work to take my meds after surgery.  I should be full of questions.

Should, should, should....that word gets the better of me every time.  Time to throw out the should and get on with my life and do what I have to do to be healthy and happy!

Wow....didn't even finish my post and the nurse called me back.  The doctor isn't in, but hopefully I will have some answers tomorrow about if he thinks I meet the requirements for surgery.

Deep breath.....ok, on with the day!